Gerard goes back to New York, but Sara and the baby is all he can think about.
"You'll be back soon enough Gee, it's okay" I cringed when she said "Gee". I only ever liked it when Sara said it to me, but I couldn't tell her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
"Thanks." I looked at her pale face, much like mine. She was wearing too much make up, like she always did. I wanted to so much to tell her that I couldn't date her, that I wanted to be with me. But that would break her heart. I knew how she felt about me, but I couldn't return the feeling. My heart already belonged to someone else; Sara.
"So where are you guys off to next?" she asked, her voice was so quite that it was hard to hear her speak half the time.
Mikey, sensing that I was not in the mood to talk, answered for me. "The U.K"
"Oh wow, that sounds fun. Can I come along?"
"I-" I started, but once again, Mikey came to my rescue. "I don't think our manager would like that very much. It gets really busy and more people add to the business. Maybe another time."
"Oh" was all she could manage. I looked at my brother and thanked him with my eyes. My thoughts turned back to Sara. We had had sex three months ago when we started kissing in Tim's dressing room. Of course we didn't have it there. She managed to slip out to my hotel room. When she left, I felt like there was hope for us. But on the other side of the door, she knew there was none. I had just made another big mistake. One that would end up costing me big time.
When she announced her pregnancy at the Christmas party, I was so sure that it was mine. How I wanted it to be mine. But it felt as if my heart had been stepped on when she confirmed that it wasn't his.
We arrived at the airport, getting started at, and some young girls even started screeching, but me and Mikey just ignored it. We had gotten so used to it, it was just part of life to us. Vanessa clung on to me, making it known that they were together. This earned her some rude looks from on lookers.
When we arrived at the Los Angeles Airport, there was an even bigger fuss with younger girls whipping out there camera phones to take pictures. Me, Mikey and Vanessa hurried along to the waiting limo and climbed in.
Mikey was looking over at me. He could see the sadness in my face. And he wanted to help me, but he couldn't. You couldn't heal a broken heart. After we had dropped Vanessa off at her apartment, Mikey was finally allowed to ask me what was on his mind.
"Gerard, what happened with you Sara?" He looked into my eyes, and there he saw more than sadness. He saw anger, and hurt.
"I wanted it to be mine."
"Her baby Mikey, I wanted it to be mine. Remember back when we were in Toronto and I went missing after interview on Much Music? Well I was with her, and we did it. And I was so sure that it was mine. But it's not."
"Did it ever occur to you that she may be lying?"
"Why would she lie about something this big?"
"I don't know. Maybe to protect herself, or Tim."
"I know her. I know when she lies. She wasn't lying. I could see in her eyes it was the truth."
"Why can't you get over her Gerard. She's engaged, and pregnant. She's not going to leave him." His words felt like a jab to my stomach.
"You don't know how it feels okay. I love her so much, words can't even begin to explain it. I can't just stop myself from feeling that."
"What do you mean I don't know how it feels? I know what it's like to love someone and have the feeling not be returned. God Gerard, just because I'm happy, doesn't mean I've never felt like that okay."
"Sorry" I said, feeling bad and at the same time, embarrassed. Mikey and Alicia were a beautiful couple, and they were so happy together. That's how I pictured himself to be. And I wanted Sara to be my Alicia. But maybe Mikey was right. Maybe I should just forget about her. But I knew somewhere deep down that she still felt for him. I'd just have to try harder than I'd thought to find it.
Me and Mikey arrived at our hotel, where Ray, Bob, and Frank had already been for a few days. As soon as we walked into their room, I could smell the food coming from the kitchen. Mikey immediately grabbed a plate and piled food onto it. I, however went over to the bed, took a seat, and grabbed a pen and paper. I wrote down everything he was feeling, all his thoughts and hopes. It was her song. Our song. And never would it be seen.
After licking what seemed like 500 envelopes, my mouth tasted gross. Tim and I decided to have our wedding before the baby was born instead of after. We both thought it would be easier. So because of this change in plan, I had to do the planning of the wedding as quickly as I could.
The wedding was going to take place April 29th. I had to mail out all the invitations by the end of the week to make sure that I gave enough time for the guests to R.S.V.P. I hoped a month would be good enough.
When I finished tying the ribbon on the last one, I sat back on the couch. There was still one invitation I wasn't sure about. It sat off to the side of the other ones. Did I really want Gerard to be at my wedding? I sat there just staring at the envelope when the feeling crept up on me. Guilt. Why did I do it? It's too late to take it back, anyways I'm happy. This is what I want. Lately I felt as if I was trying to convince myself more often that this really was what I wanted.
I propped my feet up on the table and stared at them. Soon enough I wasn't going to be able to see them at all. I patted my stomach, and then suddenly jumped up from the couch. I started towards the kitchen and flung the fridge door open. Just then Tim walked in.
"Hey honey, what are you doing?"
"Tim, what's that smell?"
"What smell?" He walked over and stood beside me, sniffing the air around him. "I don't smell anything."
"It smells like rotten food. It's disgusting. I want to barf." I started moving food around, looking for the source of the foul smell.
"Sara," Tim said gently. He had to be careful these days. I was going through the stage where my mood swings were frequent and drastic. "I think it's just part of being pregnant. I don't smell a thing."
"Well I do, and I can't stand it." I slammed the door shut and grabbed a coat. "Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving."
"There's plenty of food here" he replied. He was pushing it.
"God dammit Tim. I said I wanted to go out. Please just do what I ask okay?"
"Sure." He picked his keys up from their spot on the coffee table and followed me out the door. But I had stopped and he walked right into me. "Wha-" and then he noticed the reason I had stopped.