Gerard and Monica talk but so much is left unsaid.
As he was being wheeled out onto the stage on the hospital gurney he felt the familiar rush of adrenaline pump through his body. He began to sing and the roar of the crowd filled his ears. Tonight he was focused, his mind at peace. The concert was prefect in every way from beginning until the very end. As he exited the stage after a final bow Gerard smiled to himself. He felt exhausted yet so totally alive. After a quick shower he called Monica. In his mind he could see her sleeping, God she was so beautiful when she slept, so he waited patiently for her to answer. It was early morning in Jersey.
"Hello Gee" her sleepy voice in his ear greeted him.
"Hi honey. I miss you" he couldn't help it, that wasn't the first thing he planned on saying but the words couldn't be held back.
"I miss you too, Gee" Monica sat up on the sofa and rubbed her eyes. She had fallen asleep watching TV. "How was your day?"
"Good, we only had one interview and then a signing. Shit, there were over 700 kids there. It was great. One young girl wanted me to tell you how pretty you are. She said she had seen your picture in a magazine."
Monica laughed, "That was sweet of her. So how is Frank doing? Jamia really wanted to wait until he was back to tell him but he was so upset I'm glad she didn't wait."
"For sure, he was a mess. I'm glad she told him. He's so happy but of course we have been teasing him all day. You know talking about diapers and stuff."
"Be easy on him. I'm sure it was a shock for him" Monica said as she stood and stretched. She flipped off the TV then sat back down. "So is your day full tomorrow too?"
He signed, "You know I'm not sure. Jerry will tell us in the morning what's planned. He doesn't like to tell us in advance probably cause he doesn't want to hear us bitch." He took a deep breath, "Monica, I decided something today."
She noticed the change in his voice. Closing her eyes she waited for him to tell her what she already knew, that he was planning on seeing Liv. Instead he surprised her, "I want us to get married as soon as possible."
His words shocked her, "Honey, we haven't even really talked about the wedding. I just assumed we would wait until after the tour." She wondered what was behind this sudden urge to marry so quickly.
He sighed, "Monica, I love you so much. I couldn't take it if I lost you." His sudden rush of words sounded like a plea.
Monica touched Elena's locket before speaking, "Gee, I won't leave you." She whispered. "I would never leave you like Liv did"
Gerard closed his eyes hating himself. She understood that once more Liv seemed to be the reason behind his words. She continued before he could speak.
"Remember when you made me promise never to leave you without saying goodbye? I know that is what she did to you." She paused and his silence spoke volumes. "Gee, I'm not Liv."
He lowered his head and spoke from his heart, "I'm so sorry, Monica. I never wanted to make you think I was comparing you to her. There is no comparison. You have made my life complete, you have made me complete. God, I wish you were here with me. I just want to hold you in my arms."
Her heart wanted to believe his words. "I wish the same thing. In your arms I feel safe, I feel loved. Hurry home, honey."
"Two more shows. Jerry is getting our plane tickets tomorrow. As soon as I get my flight information I will call you. Just so you know we are going to the nearest hotel."
Monica tried to forget everything but the here and now. "Oh are we?"
"Yea, for sure." His voice seemed almost sad, "And yea, I want to ravage your beautiful body but more than anything I just want to hold you."
Impossible as it was for her to believe, her love for him grew even more. "Thank you, Gee."
He was confused, "Why are you thanking me?"
"For making me feel so loved and cherished." She replied honestly. "You are my world Gerard Way."
He knew she need to get back to sleep even if there were so many things he still wanted to say to her, "I will talk to you tomorrow. There hasn't been any more trouble has there? No more letters?"
Lying to him was hard but she had to for now. "Things are just fine, Gee. Hurry home."
"Sleep and dream of us together." He whispered before disconnecting.
Monica knew that sleep would be almost impossible. There was so much that had been unspoken between them. He still hadn't even told his mother about Liv and Elena and while Donna knew, he didn't realize this fact. She hadn't told him about Jenn being at the school, or the note on her car. She hadn't given him Bert's message. Most importantly she hadn't told him Liv and Elena were gone. Tears gathered in her eyes.
In California Gerard looked around the hotel room knowing sleep would elude him. It was nice that the group was staying in a hotel. The venues were close enough they didn't have to use the bus. Still even knowing the bed was comfortable he knew that when he closed his eyes he wouldn't sleep. Monica was trying to protect him by not telling him about Jenn being at the school. He understood that, he really did. It just worried him that she was trying to handle things by herself that they should be dealing with together.
He was staring at the wall lost in thought when he got a call. It was Bert probably calling to tell him he had talked to Liv. "Hey Bert" he said.
"Hey man, how you doing? I can never remember how this fucking time thing works so did I wake you up? Or interrupt anything?"
"Bert where the hell are you?" Gerard grabbed his pack of Marlboros, lit a cigarette then leaned back against the headboard.
"Didn't Monica tell you I called? Put her on the phone so I can yell at her for not telling you." Bert laughed.
Gerard was confused, "Monica isn't here she is back in Jersey." He didn't feel like explaining the whole mess with Jenn right now so he didn't say more.
"Why the fuck is she in Jersey? I thought she was staying with you until the break?" Bert asked trying to figure out just what was going on.
"Something came up and she had to go back because of Kelly and Kara. When did you call with a message?" He took another drag off the cigarette trying to figure out why he suddenly had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"I called her today before I left for London. That's where I am by the way. I just assumed she was with you. I tried to call you but your phone must have been turned off so I called her phone"
"And you left a message for me?" the feeling in his stomach was getting worse.
Bert was quiet a moment then spoke, "Well yea. I told her to tell you that I couldn't get a hold of Liv. Her number has been disconnected." Realization was starting to sink in, "Oh, fucking shit, did I tell her something I shouldn't have? Did she know your were going to go see Liv?"
Gerard snuffed out the cigarette forcefully, "I hadn't had a chance to tell her."
"Oh man I'm sorry. I just figured she was with you and that she knew. Fuck, I'm sorry."
Gerard closed his eyes and leaned back, "Don't worry about it Bert. It's ok, really but I gotta go now. Its late here and I gotta get some sleep." His mind was racing and he needed to think.
"Yea I understand." Bert was about to say goodbye when he remembered something else, "Gee" his words were apologetic "Monica asked me for Liv's address and I gave it to her