Harry and members of the Fighting 9th finally get Belle outta there!
(#) glazedlookineyes101 2007-03-14 12:09:35 PMUm, Bella ducking into the shower after Harry and Marie found her scars was so...so...HARRISH! Sorry, I don't know a better word for it. That is SO what Harry would do when he thinks there's something about himself that would turn people off to him. That was a nice touch! I'm guessing the next chapter is Harry and Marie comforting her. Good.
Anyway, good chapter as usual. Hope they do not run into too much trouble with the rest of the camp.
Author's responseAs always, thank you for reading and reviewing. I think it's safe to say the next chapter will be touching and feeling and well, you know. There will also be more significant story developments - stay tuned . . .
(#) angyelsglaive 2007-03-14 12:25:25 PM"Tu madre es una puta FEA" - your adjective has to agree in gender with your noun.
Other than that, another excellent chapter!
Author's responseThank you for reading and reviewing, and for the grammar, good catch, how did I miss that? I'll do an edit immediately.
(#) apocalypso 2007-03-14 03:44:32 PMExcellent chapter. I hope Bellatrix gets some reassurance from Harry, following the end of this chapter...I felt more than a little bad for her. As for Jose, that was awesome. incredible, actually, the timing, the positioning, it all made perfect sense.
Good luck writing, and I hope you start posting on RoboCerv ;)
Author's responseAs always thanx for reading and reviewing, I suspect Harry and Marietta and Belle will work through this little bump in their budding relationship, don't you?
I'll see about posting on RoboServe later today.
(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2007-03-14 04:18:05 PMOK, I do have to say why I do like that you finally rescued Belle, that was just a horrible way to end a chapter. I do hope that your update comes quick and you make up for that.
Author's responseAs always, thanx for reading and responding. I know, not quite a cliffie but not a happy note to end the chapter either. I'll try to make it up to you in the next one.
- cheers They finally saved Belle! Can't wait to see how Harry and Marie reassure Belle that they didn't reject her. :) Also I found it interesting when Harry was thinking about who he loves and how he wanted things with Hermione to be more. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but.... shrugs Anyways, keep up the excellent work and keep them updates coming!
Author's responseThank you for reading and responding, and for the kind words. Aw shucks, you guessed it, Harry and Marietta are going to have to cheer Belle up.
- Good chapter, bad ending. Really, how in the fuck would they be shocked at torture? Bellatrix was a death eater how long? How many times has Harry had visions of torture? Hell Harry has even been tortured by Voldemort. Harry was bonded to Bellatrix he knew she was being whipped or tortured when it happened. I don’t think you worked that through your mind before you wrote it.
Then the fact that after their ‘shock’, which shouldn’t have been, they didn’t reach out and stop Bellatrix or call to her. Bellatrix reaction was completely stupid. She can feel him in her mind she knows how he feels and then “he drew back he can’t love me” STUPID!
And sorry you can’t claim hormones on her reaction because they don’t start effecting like that for a while.
You should really go and edit the end of this chapter. It looks like a prelude to the huge cliché of “Harry is so great he can love me after all I’ve done, he’s the best man in the world. I know I am just being stupid for doubting him.”
Author's responseThank you for reading and responding, really, wow, I didn't know Simon Cowell read my work. So let me review the reviewer here. I worked as a security guard when I was in college and one of my co-workers had a slight limp. We had both served in the Army but I came home with all my limbs, he didn't. I was shocked one day to see him in shorts and saw the prosthetic leg, I knew he had a bum leg, but NO leg?. I couldn't believe it, and like an idiot I stared. He of course had seen reactions like mine before and was accustomed to it by then, but when he first lost his leg he reacted much as Belle did, his wife (she had been his fiancé at the time) kicked his door in to convince him that she wasn't about to leave him over the loss of his leg despite the shock of seeing his stump for the first time. It's a fairly common albeit unfair phenomenon.
Oh, and the hormones thing? Some women become very emotional very early into their pregnancies, when my cousin finally got pregnant (they tried for years) she was an emotional wreck from about the first month, I kid you not.
And let me post a spoiler here, the beginning of the next chapter picks up exactly where this one leaves off and there is no way that Harry or Marietta will let her continue to feel the way she does now.
Thank you for a thorough review, with specific suggestions for improvement. If all I wanted to see were ego stroking "great job" reviews then I'd just show my work to my mom, right? (Actually, she'd have gotten a kick out of my work; she had a great sense of humor and was as earthy as any fleet sailors I knew.)
But I like it as written, so I guess I'll keep it.
But I’ll invite your to keep on reading, and reviewing.