My attempt to create a humor lemon that does not, in fact, suck. I know, hard to imagine. Hetero.
Oh, it wasn't so bad at first. After all, Orange Castle was a very nice place to reside in, even during a time of war. It was scenic and cozy, with a relaxed atmosphere that ruled over it save during the sporadic crises that arose during this war.
It was also nearly impossible to get a girl in bed with him there.
It wasn't his fault, really (something he reminded himself of frequently). Circumstance was the biggest problem. As one of the leading Zexen officers, he was so often needed for various meetings, missions, and meticulously planning strategies that it was nearly impossible to have a guarantee of enough personal time to properly go through his pick-up process. Also, it was additionally tricky due to his sharing a fairly small room with the other knights. The likelihood that Leo, Borus, Salome, and Roland would all be vacant at the same time from the room for a full night (or even a few hours) was a near impossibility, and it just wasn't Percival's style to seduce a lady any old place. He had a system for it that under normal circumstances worked, and having a private room that wouldn't be disturbed was a fairly central part of that process. Percival couldn't go changing the process for every minor detail that sprung up in his way. Just wasn't done. You had to have class and get it done right.
Plus, there was also that little problem that most of Percival's attempts for wooing had been focused on Lady Chris Lightfellow recently, to no avail. This rare failure was, however, not something he liked to really think at length about.
Tonight, however, Percival would finally receive a chance to make up for lost time. Lady Chris had taken all 4 of the other Zexen Knights with her to spend a night or two camping in the forest area surrounding Alma Kinan. Why, Percival wasn't sure of. Something about a wandering ghoul.
The reason didn't really concern him, though. All that really mattered was that tonight he would have the room to himself. It was time to break out the charm.
The only problem now was, who? There were surprisingly many and yet surprisingly few options he could think of. Sure, there were plenty of attractive women in the small army gathered at Orange Castle, but Percival needed one that was unattached, preferably at least a bit naÃ¯ve. Things always went smoother with them. He ticked off the women he knew in his head. Queen seemed to have a thing for Geddoe, pursuing Lucia would likely end with a large deal of physical pain for him, there was something about Jeane that told him definitely not to try, and Yumi and Yuiri...well, it wasn't exactly a secret that an all-women village's residents were usually almost all lesbians, and the risk to his ego of being rejected once more was far too great to chance the possibility that either of them would be an exception to the rule.
Of course, Percival reflected as he leaned back in his chair at Anne's Tavern, it didn't really HAVE to be someone he personally knew at all. There were, after all, a great many regular female warriors and soldiers now gathered in this castle that would probably be fairly simple catches. But it just wouldn't be the same. He knew the type they usually were. Such non-personal characters, with little that was interesting about them, the kind that you could spend an hour conversing with only to hear them keep saying the same old things over and over. No, Percival wanted someone interesting to share an evening with; that was half the fun. Well, maybe not quite half. But still a good part of it.
Perhaps Shizu. Quiet, fairly shy, needed to get out more...and of course, very cute. She might be a nice companion, if Percival could coax her out of that elevator for a night (which was probably harder than it would have seemed...the woman seemed to LIVE in the contraption).
As Percival was considering the matter, he noticed a familiar figure passing by the table. Viki (the smaller of the two). Probably on her way to the stage to rehearse for some morale-boosting play; they were doing a lot of those these days. Cute kid, really did resemble the older Viki quite a lot...and...wait. Viki. Viki! Percival gave a small grunt of satisfied victory. Viki was the perfect candidate; she was good-looking, had all the right curves, just the right height and coloring, was naÃ¯ve and a little shy but friendly--always the perfect combination!
"Say, Viki," he spoke up before she'd entirely passed by, "come sit down here for a moment."
The small Viki halted and looked at him, a single eyebrow raising. She did as he asked and climbed into the seat across from him, her stature barely bringing her chin above the table top. "You wish to speak to me about something, Percival?" she asked bluntly, her dark eyes staring into his with what could only be described as a largely apathetic curiosity.
The knight nodded, smiling at the child. "In a moment, yes. Can I get you anything to drink first? I'm sure Anne can fix some lemonade or something else non-alcoholic for you."
"I suppose it would be difficult to convince her that I'm of legal age by any country's standards to drink, so a lemonade will be fine."
Not paying too much attention to what the child was saying, Percival cheerfully went to get her the drink and returned, setting the both the glass and a curly straw down for Viki. Kids always loved curly straws.
Percival cleared his throat, still cheerfully, as he failed to notice the contempt with which Viki gazed at the straw. He enthusiastically waited for her as she reluctantly picked it up, put it in her glass, and took a sip.
Satisfied that he had now played the polite host, Percival got down to business. "So, Viki, you and the older Viki are really close, right? I was never too clear from what Lady Chris told me about it, but I think you two are sisters, right?"
"I don't know much about her background, so tell me...is she involved with anyone, do you know?" he asked, lowering his voice conspiratorially for effect. Kids usually liked the secrecy thing, after all.
Viki stared at him for a few moments. Then, suddenly, a look of realization crossed her face. "Oh, I remember now. This is the day you and...well, never mind that. To answer your question, no, she's free, old enough, and...well, mentally competent enough for your purposes, at least. You're okay to approach her."
Percival grinned, paying only enough attention to the girl to hear what he'd wanted to hear. "Thanks, little Viki! I've gotta get going now, but you go ahead and enjoy your lemonade. See ya!"
With that, he got up from his seat and strode confidently out of the tavern. Once he'd left, Viki took his advice and brought the straw to her lips to take a sip. Right before she did, however, she smiled slightly for a moment. Had anyone been there to see it, they likely would have found the expression on her normally serious face to be quite unnerving.
"Hi, Percival! Do you want to teleport somewhere?" Viki asked cheerfully as the knight approached her. As always, she had the air of someone who knew she was right where she belonged, doing what she was meant to do in life. "You'll have to come back the regular way, though, because Chris has the mirror with her."
"Actually, Viki," Percival said smoothly, with the same air to him, for this was what HE was meant for in life. "I came to see you."
"Uh-oh...did I do something wrong?"
Percival gave a small, delightful chuckle, infused with a healthy and intriguing confidence. "No, no. I was just thinking that, well, you stand here all day by yourself, watching people come and go, no one ever stopping to talk to you...figured maybe you must get lonely all by yourself here."
"Wow," Viki exclaimed, "I guess I must be! I never noticed, but you sound like you know what you're talking about..."
"You should get out more, have some fun," Percival suggested, never missing a beat. "I'm sure it would do you some good after being cooped up in this castle all the time, right?"
"Well," the girl replied doubtfully, biting her lip in intense concentration, "I guess maybe, but I don't know anywhere I'd go for that...and sometimes I get lost in new places...I'm still not sure what country this is."
Oh, this was just TOO easy a setup. Viki was practically doing his job for him. "Well, why don't we do something together?" Percival suggested, his voice seeming for all the world as though the idea had only just struck him. "I know a great restaurant we could go to at Vinay Del Zexay for dinner. Good food, nice relaxing way to get out for a night, and you wouldn't get lost if I was there, right?"
"Yeah...wait," Viki said, her eyes suddenly widening (which, considering how wide they were typically, was quite a sight). "Percival, are you...are you asking me out on a date?"
Again the handsome knight played his good-natured, suave chuckle. "Well...we could call it that, sure. A friendly date."
"Oh wow, I don't think I've ever had one of those! I bet it would be fun!"
"Of course it would be!" Percival answered as smoothly as he was able. It was getting progressively harder to keep his composure and not pump his fist at an easy and inevitable victory. "How about tonight, if you're free? No time like the present, right?"
Yes, good, throw in a quick smile, keep it gentle and inviting, but with a promise of excitement...to many others, it would be a task, but such an expression to a master such as he was nothing short of instinct.
"Okay!" Viki replied enthusiastically.
When and where they would meet was soon decided upon, and Percival calmly, smoothly strolled away with a wave and promise to meet the sorceress later, who cheerfully confirmed his words and began to hum to herself. Only when Percival had reached the safety of Anne's tavern, letting the door close behind him, did he finally allow him to break out into a grin, squeeze his eyes shut, close a fist and utter a quiet but forceful, "Yes!"
Step 1 was complete.
The smaller Viki watched this and smiled disturbingly again.
7 O'Clock. Bottom of the main staircase. A more casual, but nonetheless fashionable set of clothing on to replace his typical set of armor. A single lilac in hand, picked from Orange Castle's small garden when Barts wasn't looking--enough to be a thoughtful gift without being a strangely abundant offering that a bouquet would be to an inexperienced girl like Viki.
Percival waited calmly. Viki was a few minutes late, but that wasn't unexpected. Women often were even when they didn't have Viki's penchant for disorder.
The Zexen turned to see Viki descending the main staircase. His eyes widened, his heart sped its beat at the sight of the beautifully transformed maiden--wait, no, hang on. She looked exactly the same as ever. No new attire, accessories, hair style, makeup, anything.
Oh, well. She'd been attractive enough to get his attention looking this way to begin with, so it didn't really matter. Besides, he had to allow for the probability that she didn't really have many spare outfits, considering how she'd come to the army in the first place.
"Sorry I'm late!" she apologized once she'd reached the foot of the stairs, panting slightly from the exertion of running down them all (remarkable she hadn't tripped, really, given her record).
"Quite alright," Percival replied charmingly. "What delayed you?"
"I was busy doing my hair," Viki explained. "I thought it'd be nice to change it for our date a little so I washed it and sat down in front of Chris's mirror for a while until I remembered that I don't actually know how to do it any way besides this, so that's why I took so long.
"I can't believe you haven't said anything about it, and after I took all the time to get it like this, too," she added, frowning in irate disappointment.
Nicely played, but it would take more than THAT to put Percival Fraulein off his game! "I'm sorry, I was just a bit too lost in its new glimmer to speak for a moment," he soothed her, earning a pleased "Oh, okay!" from her.
"By the way," he continued, bringing forth the flower he held and offering it to her, "This is for you."
"Oh, a flower! Pretty!" Viki exclaimed, taking it from his hand.
"Well, it pales in comparison to its owner, I'm afraid," he interjected with a calculatedly bashful smile.
"Really? Wow, whoever you bought it from must have been really beautiful!" Viki remarked, putting the flower to her nose and inhaling its aroma. She then set it down on a table by her typical teleporting spot. "I don't have a flower pot or anything to keep it in...but I'll give it to Barts so he can put in his garden! It'll have lots of other friends there just like it!"
Percival was sure that Fate found this small bit of irony quite humorous, but he had better things to focus on. "So, Viki, I know a really nice little place we could eat at in Vinay Del Zexay, if you'd like to go have some fun there tonight," he suggested.
"Okay! I can teleport us there!" Viki offered with her standard cheerful demeanor at the thought of practicing once again her trade in life.
And so it was with an air of enthusiastic expectation of how the night would turn out in her (as was in Percival, for differing but related reasons), Viki teleported them right to the entrance of Lu Buque.
Ahhh, Lu Buque at dusk! The sunset splashing the skies with a orange hue before fading into the dark violet nightfall, with the mountains calling out their regal dominance over all the lands by stretching their great shadows across the quaint village of insect-riding warriors, the...the...
Wait, Lu Buque?
Percival turned to his companion for the night with questioning eyes. "Oh, darn!" she said, mouth turned down to form a vaguely irate frown. "I messed up again. Let me try one more time."
With that, she cast her teleportation spell again, and the two found themselves standing at the gate to Vinay Del Zexay.
"There! Much better!" Viki smiled, obviously quite pleased with herself.
"Er, what was the problem before?" Percival asked curiously.
"Oh, well, sometimes I make little mistakes when I'm not concentrating," Viki explained, her full yet somehow empty eyes fixed on his. "It happens a lot when I get excited about something. Or when I'm surprised. Or when I sneeze, or cough suddenly, or doze off, or when I'm thinking about crepes, or--"
"I think I understand," Percival interrupted, hoping to get on with the night before it was over. "We should probably get going, though, it's getting late."
Ah, yes, the good old SamoQuen restaurant. Percival had been on a first-name basis with the staff there long before any fame had entered his life. It wasn't the fanciest, but it was definitely upscale enough to impress, and they knew how to work with Percival to set the perfect mood.
Word to the wise: sometimes, it pays to leave good tips.
"Mister Fraulein!" exclaimed the man up front to check reservations. "Welcome again! How may we serve you tonight?"
"Well, we were just in the neighborhood and were wondering if you could perhaps fit us in for a quick bite to eat," Percival explained smoothly, giving the special wink.
It was not lost on the man, who nodded. "But of course, sir, there's always room for you! I shall have your usual table prepared as always."
Percival smiled and nodded. Ah, what good service was worth these days. It was but a few minutes before a waiter approached to announce that Percival was ready to be seated.
"Please follow me, Mr. Fraulein," he requested after introducing himself as Guido. Percival lead Viki after their waiter to a small private table secluded in a corner. Ah yes...quiet, private, with flickering candle-light illuminating it. Guido would be getting tipped well tonight.
Percival helped Viki be seated, then sat down as Guido passed them both menus and left to get the drinks Percival ordered for both of them. Nothing alcoholic to start with, of course. Doing anything that could make a girl think that he wanted her drunk was a major error; it could get her suddenly on the defensive, making everything so much more difficult. Let her order wine or champagne or what have you later on her own if she wanted.
Besides, honestly, Percival wasn't sure he really wanted to see what a tipsy--or worse--Viki would be like.
So, that was all settled, and doubtless Guido knew to take his time fetching the drinks. Now, while the girl was impressed with his notoriety, it was time for Percival to get to work. First, of course, to call attention to his strong opening to the date.
"So, what do you think of this place? Like it so far?" he asked, smiling. He already knew the answer, of course.
"Oh my goodness, no! Everyone is so rude here!" Viki replied in shock.
This was not quite the answer he'd been expecting. In fact, it was actually a very far cry from his expectations. Enough to flabbergast him into earnestly asking, "What are you talking about?"
"Didn't you notice?" Viki exclaimed. "They keep calling you Mr. Girl! That's what "fraulein" means, Percival!"
There was a pause. A long and awkward one, at that.
"Viki, Fraulein is my last name."
"Ohhhh," Viki replied in enlightenment (though her eyes still kept her typical vaguely confused and distant look). "Gee, that seems silly, though, being named Percival "Girl" but being a man! Did people ever make fun of you for that?"
A wave of nostalgia (of a sort) for his high school days hit Percival. He quickly suppressed it before it caused him to gag. "Sometimes. So, Viki," he continued quickly, determined to get things back under control, "enough about me; tell me more about yourself."
"Huh? Me?" Viki asked, her eyes radiating more surprised confusion than they usually did.
Percival nodded, smiling in gentle, confident mirth. Things were back under control. "Yes, of course. What do you like to do for fun? All anyone really seems to know about you is that you teleport people around. What do you like doing for enjoyment, though?"
"Oh," she responded, though her eyes and expression continued to exude the special hopelessly lost look that only Viki could possess. "Well...I don't know. I think I mostly just like teleporting! It's pretty much all I know, really."
Percival really didn't have an answer to that. The next step of this game plan was always to get the girl talking about her non-work interests, since the entire proposed point of the outing was to get her away from employment-related thinking, to loosen her up and let her have some fun. But her not having any interests besides what she was expected to do each day was something new, and he needed a moment to figure out how exactly to respond.
Curse these career-minded women nowadays.
Luckily, that moment was given him as Guido returned with their drinks. Once more, Percival made a mental note to tip this fellow well at the end of the evening.
"May I take your orders now, sir and madam?" Guido asked, unfolding a small notepad with an embroidered cover.
"Oh, I don't know what I want," Viki said, peering desperately at her menu. "I don't even know what half of these foods are! Could you order for me, Percival?"
"Certainly," Percival responded smoothly, and ordered the SamoQuen's specialty for them both. Guido politely acknowledged this, and left with the menus.
His distraction, however, had given Percival enough time to come up with a response to Viki's previous indecision. Turning his attention back to his date, Percival inquired, "As I was saying, though, Viki, nothing at all? What about the plays at the castle? I've seen you on the stage before."
He refrained, of course, from describing what he'd seen her doing at those times--namely, messing the play up badly.
"Oh, those!" Viki exclaimed, the recollection bringing a pleased smile to her face. "Acting IS pretty fun...but it can sure be confusing! Most of the time I don't really know what's going on until later, and until I figure it out I get worried because people keep calling me by the name of the character I'm supposed to be...I start to wonder if I might actually be named that and that I might just have been mistaken about being named Viki. But when I remember what's going on it's plenty of fun!"
Grabbing on to the part of that speech that he wanted and wisely discarding the rest from consideration, Percival replied with a charming tone, "There, see, you do have hobbies! Have you ever thought of developing your acting at all? Perhaps you could even try doing it professionally."
Viki giggled bashfully. "Oh, I'm sure you don't mean that! I could never...I mean, I'm not good or pretty enough to do that!"
"Why, of course you are!" Percival exclaimed with planned surprise. Once again, Viki had fallen right where he wanted her. "You're quite beautiful."
Viki blushed. "You don't mean that..."
Percival grinned inwardly. Here came the easy part--describing his date's beauty to her, yet in an "objective" way. The ease came from the fact that he never had to be at all dishonest with this--after all, a girl had to be quite attractive for him to take her out this way anyhow.
"Of course I mean it," came his manipulatively earnest reply. "Why, you're dainty and slim, with the very essence of a lady's figure; your skin is soft and fair as white silk; your lips are demure, and your eyes--"
Here Percival was forced to stop for a moment as he stared at Viki's eyes. Stared at those abysses, so large and round with such a blank stare that he swore he could see straight through them to the back of her head--and there wasn't much obstructing the view.
"Your eyes are a dual tabula rasa, free from the paltry worries and concerns of the world, able to clearly see without distraction the abstract and unexplored. They're always questioning, always seeking an intangible answer to an unformed question."
Even for him, that had been a magnificent piece of artistry at gloriously renovating the truth. Had Viki not been sitting speechless with cheeks scarlet with pleased embarrassment, Percival might just have asked Guido to pat him on the back when he next returned. Viki might be able to throw a few loops, but overall, this date was going exactly where he wanted it to.
Things went fairly smoothly from that point on, particularly when the food arrived. There were no more upsets to his master plan's proceeding, save for when Viki accidentally teleported her salad to who knew where. They had finished eating, conversed some more, and left (after tipping Guido handsomely) to teleport back to the castle. Viki even teleported them to the entrance of Orange Castle correctly on her first try.
(The salad, incidentally, ended up being teleported a good many decades into the past and right into the air above a Highland diplomat very busily eating his dinner in Muse. Once Viki's spell was done taking the temporally misplaced salad to new places, gravity continued its journey down onto the head of said diplomat. He had been there for a small conference seeking peace between the City-State and Highland, and while the conference had not been going well thus far anyway, his belief, which he voiced quite accusingly, that a City State representative had hurled the salad at him when he wasn't looking did not aid the peace process).
Now, however, came the tricky part. No matter how smooth, no matter how prepared, no matter how drop-dead gorgeous one was, an evening of hard work could be wasted with just a single mistake at this stage. Over the years, Percival had learned that the wisest way to do this was to play it by ear. All the planning in the world wasn't going to get a girl to hop into bed with him if she didn't like his advances.
"So, Viki," he began as they reached the castle's main staircase. Luckily, it was fairly late now, so the usual steady traffic of the castle's temporary residents had dwindled down to just a few Zexen and Karayan guards posted here and there. Percival couldn't abide any larger an audience.
"I had a very nice time, Percival!" Viki gushed. "You were right; I should really try to get out and have new experiences more often! It's silly to just wait for me to mess up a teleportation spell to see new places and people!"
"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," Percival responded with charitable grandiose.
"I'm just sad our date is over now," Viki sighed, enthusiasm turning to wistfulness as instantly as one thought pushed the other out of her head.
Oh, this was just too easy. Percival couldn't have created an opportunity this good himself. "Well, it doesn't HAVE to be over, Viki."
"Of course not!" Percival assured the girl. "We can keep having fun as long as we want! It's all part of having new experiences!"
"Oh good! I want to keep doing that, then!" Viki exclaimed. She also quickly agreed that the best place to do so would be Percival's room. And, once there, that it would be nice to sit on the bed and just talk for a bit.
Of course, that suggestion turned out not to be such a great idea. One of the few things Percival really did not want was Dinner, Round Two. Conversing with Viki the first time had been a strange and inexplicable enough experience. So, hedging his bets since she'd been fairly agreeable and easy-going thus far, he decided to try something drastic to get things going.
"So sometimes I wave my hands when I'm doing the teleport spells because I think maybe that'll help the spell work right, but I usually get confused by all the hand motions I'm making and miff mf iffm mrf."
The sudden and quick kiss on the lips surprised Viki, as it was intended to. So much that she didn't think to stop talking immediately as it happened. A good thing that Percival hadn't been so bold as to try to add some tongue in the kiss, or her continued speech probably would have bitten it several times.
Choosing not to press his luck, Percival broke the kiss after only a few moments. Okay, time for his best acting. Now was the time to play the impulse off as "innocent" while expertly maneuvering his way into continuing.
"Awww," Viki pouted. "I was hoping for more."
Hang on just a tick... might be time for a slight change in approach. "You were?"
"Well sure! I mean I thought maybe you were kissing me because you thought it would be something new and exciting to do for me which I think I remember is why we're on a date in the first place, and it definitely was!"
It was almost like Viki was laying the trap down for herself. She seemed to know Percival's plan better than he did. But at such a crucial moment, he certainly wasn't going to be caught off-guard. "So, you want to kiss more, then? If you want, I can show you lots of exciting new feelings, Viki. Just say the word and I'll show you everything."
Well, Percival really couldn't really ask for much better than that. Time to do what he did best.
Percival leant forward to capture Viki's lips once more. This was no small, inquisitive encounter like the last, however. This time around it was stronger, more passionate in intensity, drawing a surprised (and pleased) muffled gasp from the sorceress. Still, Percival didn't put his all into the act--best to keep it a little tender, after all, and not overwhelm her.
Still opting to hold off on slipping in a bit of tongue, Percival broke the kiss, only to move forward again to lay some light kisses along her lips, her cheek, her jaw...soft enough to be tender, caring, yet rapid enough to arouse. And he must have been doing a good job, too, because he could hear some steady panting by now. Taking this as encouragement, Percival gently laid his hands on the girl's sides, slowly, slightly caressing her below her ribs, down to her hips, then back again. At this, Viki's heavy pants gave way to the small, occasional yip, and...and wait, something was off here. Those yipping noises didn't sound like they were coming from Viki, and really, neither did the panting..
"Oh, hi, Koroku!" Percival heard Viki say with her standard enthusiasm. And when Percival disengaged himself from her and turned his head, he did indeed see the intrepid pup sitting with rapt attention on the floor a few feet away.
From the perspective of an enterprising canine like Koroku, there were two kinds of people in Orange Castle: those who found his daily explorations endearing, and those who were annoyed by his perpetual rambunctious curiosity. Percival was actually typically one of the former; however, he really could not abide an audience for this sort of thing. So with a quick lift into the air and toss out the door, accompanied by a vaguely sad goodbye from Viki back over on the bed, Koroku was expelled from the room and left to continue his wanderings elsewhere.
How did the damn dog even get in, anyway? Percival was sure he'd closed the door.
The importance of that question dwindled in his mind, however, as he returned to the bed where Viki sat expectantly. Percival quickly resumed his task from where he'd left off.
After working for a few minutes to get them both back in the right mood, Percival took it a step further and, still keeping up a steady pace of small kisses, moved an arm up to carefully, lightly stroke one of her breasts through the fabric. A near-silent, yet unquestionably pleased murmur further encouraged him, and, making an educated gamble as usual, he lifted his hands to untie her dress where it came together at the back of her neck. Viki allowed him to, but looked at him with questioning (yet somehow, still entirely blank) eyes.
"Do you trust me, Viki?" Sometimes the classic lines were just the best, after all.
The girl did take pause to mull over this for a minute or so, but then produced the green light that Percival was expecting. "Sure!"
Viki's robe and underwear were off in almost the time it had taken her to agree. This final necessary formality having been completed, Percival allowed himself a moment to gaze over Viki's unobstructed form as she now lay on the bed. She really was quite a beauty, Percival reflected. It was obvious that she didn't get out much; her skin was exceptionally soft, perhaps even delicate, and was so very fair that she seemed in a way to be softly luminous, almost as though it were the moon, and not the room's flickering candles, that lit her.
Having privately made this observation, Percival decided it was time to get down to what he'd sought--nay, earned!--all night. He decided to take up where he'd left off, planting several kindnesses with his lips upon her cheek as he lay beside her. He raised his hand up, softly lay it upon her breast, began to softly stroke it, and...
Oh please, let that not have been a dog's bark he just heard.
His fervent hope was denied, however, when he looked over to the floor a few feet away and saw that he once again had Koroku as an unwanted audience. How in the name of the Goddess had he gotten in? The door was clearly still locked.
And it stayed that way, as Percival evicted his canine company via window, not pausing to think of how the dog would fare after falling from the second floor. He then locked the window, even while chiding himself that there was no way Koroku could have invaded from that entrance.
In fact, as Percival returned to Viki and resumed where he'd left off yet again, the question of how the mutt had gotten in continued to puzzle him against his will. As Viki murmured pleasurably and Percival continued to escalate the delightful foreplay, it still nagged at him in a corner of his mind, even as he half-ignored it to focus on now positioning himself over Viki, whose rapid breath and aroused body conspired to show her readiness to go to the next level.
The dog just couldn't have done it, though; he couldn't open doors, he couldn't pick locks, Percival doubted he could jump an entire story of a building onto a small window ledge. He'd have had to teleport in, for goodness sake!
Oh wait. Teleport. Percival suddenly had a memory flash of something Viki had said earlier. Something about making teleporting mistakes when anything made her lose focus. And sudden increases in pleasure, especially ones she'd never known before, could certainly do that...you know, this probably would have been a lot better to realize before he entered her. Hearing something, he looked up and blinked.
The rhinoceros blinked, too.
It seems almost unnecessary to note that Percival was surprised. It is also difficult to stress just exactly how surprised he was. It was the kind of surprise that would normally have made him scream and jump straight backwards several feet. However, the knight had enough sense of mind not to act on his first impulse. Rhinos were notoriously easy to upset with loud noises and unexpected, fast movement. He quickly decided to back up slowly, get off the bed (had he taken note of his surroundings, he would have noticed that he and Viki were not on the bed any longer, nor were they in the room--their current location seemed to be a large grassland plain of some sort) slowly, and, still slowly and non-threateningly, have Viki teleport them both somewhere, anywhere, else.
Percival was about to do this when Viki, who characteristically was oblivious to her surroundings, sighed in annoyance at Percival's lack of action (she was sure sex had to involve more movement than this) and reported, "This is kinda boring."
Oh hell no. No woman was going to say she was bored on Percival's watch. This was now a matter of professional pride, and he was going to show Viki a good time, come Hell or Rhinos!
Thankfully, the first thrust he made, while causing the rhinoceros to make a very unnerving grunt of disapproval, also led to another twist of time and space, and he and Viki were suddenly somewhere else. This location was thankfully distinctly lacking in a rhinoceros.
It certainly did seem odd that Percival could hear someone boomingly declaring the birth of the Toran Republic this day, amidst a lot of cheering.
Question: How much more powerful a sudden sensation is an orgasm to a sneeze? It's fair to say that the difference in how intensely a person feels each is sizeable.
So this leads to another question: if a clumsy sorceress sneezing causes the fabric of reality to be torn asunder so drastically that a hole in space and time can open and summon forth a younger, yet seemingly mentally older version of the sneezer from an unknown time, location, and perhaps even dimension, what would be the effects on time, space, and the fabric of reality if the same awkward sorceress were to experience her first orgasm?
Percival Fraulein is perhaps the only man who could answer this, but even were he inclined to, the language which contains an appropriate number of synonyms for the term "bizarre" to describe his experience has yet to be invented. Not to mention that his perception of the universe being turned inside-out was limited by the extent that his human mind could comprehend.
However, in that calm after-glow of both the complete rearrangement and warping of reality and of some pretty great sex, as he interrupted the quiet aftermath with a request for Viki to please find some way to reattach his arms to the rest of him, he did reflect that he could at least say, with total accuracy, that Viki had /rocked his world/.