Locked away in Azkaban for years on end for something he didn't do, betrayed by a friend and convicted for the deaths of two more, it's understandable that Sirius Black would be allowed to angst a ...
Don't own, not even close. If I did, do you really think I'd have let Sirius go through the veil?!
It was dark.
Dark, and cold, and miserably damp. Then again, that was nothing new. It had been dark and cold and damp for the last.... how long had it been? He couldn't even remember anymore. One day bled into another, sleeping nightmare into waking misery. How long had it been? Years, but how many? Years...
Shuffling footsteps in the hall outside.
He shrank back against the back wall of his cell, whimpering, ears flattened back against his skull. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to find some defense against the wave of despair and cold.
Trying to remember the taste of chocolate, the warmth of the sun, the feel of the wind. Trying to remember the high he got from playing pranks, from running in the woods, from casting a spell. Trying...
Trying to picture James's smile, Lily's laugh.
He whined as the shuffling steps moved on. An ache had settled deep in his chest, throbbing in time to his heartbeat, making it hard to breathe.
But dogs couldn't cry.
Faintly, he wondered if it might just be better for everyone if he let himself die. He knew he was innocent, but it wasn't like anyone was going to believe him. James would, but James was dead. The only other one who might have probably hated him by now. He probably thought that he was a traitor.
He whined again, almost wishing dogs could cry.
The face rose up in his memory, one he hardly ever remembered anymore. Not for lack of trying, surely, but Dementors tended to suck all the good memories out of a person, and this face was mostly associated with good memories.
He let out a low moan, laying his chin on his paws. Even just hearing the voice in his memory made his heart painfully. Out of everything, that's what hurt the most.
Remus Lupin almost certainly hated him now.
But when he remembered Remus, he tried hard to remember his smile, his rare laugh, how peaceful he looked when he was sleeping. Even though it hurt so much, Remus was the one he tried hardest to remember.
That was the worst, temporarily forgetting Remus whenever a Dementor shuffled by. Because even though he's never admitted it to himself before, he couldn't deny it here. The best memories he had were of Remus and James, but especially Remus.
"Pads!" In his mind's eye, Remus smiled at him, eyes crinkling in a laugh he'd never hear again. "Idiot, I've always loved you!"
Sirius Black fell asleep crying.