nothing can hurt you now
I found Gerard alone ,smoking and leaning on the building as usual, "where's Mikey?".
"Sick and good morning to you too".
I began walking, I didn't want to talk, didn't want to be nice to anyone. Even breathing seemed like a major challenge right now.
Luckily Gerard wasn't much of a morning person and didn't torture me by speaking.
We made our way to school in silence, I found a random stone and kicked it with passion all the way.
We parted exactly as the bell rang and I made my way to my first class where Ray was already sleeping. I sat quietly behind him and busied myself by getting books out of my bag and placing them carefully on the table in front of me.
The room began to fill with students. I hated them all.
Ray woke up by the commotion, he looked around and then turned to me, "what, no wake up call?". He actually looked surprised.
I rolled my eyes, "you don't pay us enough".
He turned around and after 5 minutes he turned back again looking concerned, "are you okay?".
I laughed sarcastically, "just because I don't torture you doesn't mean I'm sick".
He tilted his head to the left, "it's not just that, you look sad".
His concern touched me and my features softened. Something blocked my throat and I feared that attempting to talk will break me down so I tried to smile with all my might, "I'm fine Ray".
He gave me encouraging smile and turned around to face the teacher who just entered the room.
I finished taking notes as the bell rang for lunch. Frank started packing his things.
"Are you coming?", he studied me while I copied the meaningless lines to my notebook. I didn't even notice what I'm writing, just copied it without knowing what subject they belonged to. I couldn't care less, I wanted to crawl to a dark corner and die without anyone noticing.
"Skyler, are you okay?", Frank sat back on his seat next to me.
The thing in my throat threatened to chock me again, I managed only a short nod this time.
"Sure Sky?", his voice was full with warmth.
I gave him a smile hoping he won't notice it was a fake one. I finished writing and packed my things.
We made our way to our usual staircase, everybody were there. They eyed me as I avoided their looks and climbed higher than usual, taking out my lunch just to keep me occupied so I won't have to deal with their stares.
I didn't eat much even though Ray didn't even try to steal my meal. I loved those guys for knowing and caring.
I left a few minutes earlier to go to the the girls bathroom. My next class was cancelled so I thought I might as well stay in the green cubicle for the rest of the hour.
I felt pathetic, sitting there staring at writings such as 'Chrisy heart Jordan'. I closed my eyes for a while wishing I wasn't born at all, but with the thought came the tears and I couldn't afford to cry in school. I listened closely to make sure the bathroom was empty and came out, sprinkled water on my red face and avoided as much as I could from looking at the mirror.
I came out from the girls restroom to see Gerard sitting on the floor a few lockers away. I approached him and sat down next to him.
"Don't you have a class?", I asked quietly.
He nodded, "Do you?".
"It got cancelled", I whispered and even though the halls were still noisy he heard.
"Want to go for a walk?", he asked standing up.
I thought about lecturing him about skipping class but couldn't find the strength to open my mouth, instead I stood up and followed him.
We walked out of the school to a cloudy sky and chilly breeze. It was as though someone painted the surrondings in black and white, I held on to the straps of my bag and kept walking away from my high school after Gerard.
Once the school was out of sight he slowed down his pace. He wasn't saying anything, I felt as though he waited for me to be comfortable enough to start talking, I tried to open my mouth a couple of times but no sound came out.
I found myself in the local park. No kids ever played there, at night it usually was a gathering place for junkies, drunk, homeless or prostitutes. It was the place you might get murdered in and it looked the part, it was covered in junk and graffiti.
Strange place to be in but I couldn't care less.
"My mother called me a slut. And bunch of other names", I was surprised to hear my own voice.
"Why would she do that?", Gerard looked at me with disbelief.
"Some neighbor told her I didn't spend the night home and came back on Saturday morning with a boy", I felt the tears walling in my eyes and looked down the ground trying to wipe them without Gerard noticing.
"But didn't you explain her nothing happened", Gerard's voice was angry now which surprised me.
"I tried but then I lost control and began yelling rude stuff and that I hate her", I was a lost cause. The tears I was holding back all day streamed down my cheeks.
Gerard pulled me to him and hugged me which caused me to sob even harder. I felt safe and weird.
Usually it was Mikey who was my knight in a shiny armour, wiping my tears and telling me everything was okay. Can I have two best friends? I couldn't put my finger on it but i felt something extra for gerard that I didn't feel for Mikey.
"She always makes me feel like crap and like I'm useless and worthless", I cried, "I'm tired of it".
I buried my face in his warm t-shirt and cried for what felt like hours, during all this time Gerard was patting my head and murmuring things like 'shh' and 'it's OK' into my hair.
I finally parted from his now wet t-shirt and he caught my face with his two hands copping it and holding tightly, 'nothing can't hurt you now', he said it looking deep in my eyes and with so much meaning, it caused more tears to fall down but at the same time a smile spread on my face because I felt safe, really safe and home.
I gave him a tight hug and laughed, "your t-shirt is soaked".
"It's OK", he smiled when we parted.
I sat down on the bench and he sat next to me, "Gerard?".
"Umm?", he looked at me.
"Thank you. I feel better", I rested my head on his shoulder and he began playing with my long hair.
We sat like this for a while.
Between piles of garbage, in the park of the doomed I felt safer than I ever did anywhere.
"Is it OK if I visit Mikey after school?", I asked with my eyes closed.
I heard Gerard sigh, "He would love it".
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