Childish pranks? Or a battle to the death? FOB and MCR are on tour and making everyone's life hell with their media fuelled feud. A joint fic By Tawney and Blue-Flame.
Chapter 1 - Gather the Troops
That complete bitch.
I know she's behind it. Her and Frank are like the ringleaders and all the other members of the band are so whipped that they'll go along with whatever they say.
I suppose I should be thankful that Pete's permanently attached to his sidekick.
"Leo," Pete whined in my ear, "Hurry the fuck up, we're freezing our asses off here."
"Alright I'm coming," I snapped into the mobile that was wedged between my shoulder and my ear, "Give me a bloody chance will you."
I stomped angrily across the car park and headed towards the dingy looking shower block. My arms were weighed down with clothes I'd hastily picked up from the tour bus and I struggled to walk in a straight line.
I ignored all movement around me and concentrated on trying to look as normal as possible as I got closer to the dirty looking building. I could hear other bands and crew members from the tour walking around and chatting as they stocked up on junk food and beer in the small Petrol station shop. I kept my head down and ignored the passing looks and glances in my direction.
"Which block are you in?" I muttered into the phone as I reached the shower block and stared blankly at the many doors.
"Joe?" I heard Pete ask, "What block are we in?"
"I don't know," I heard him retort over the line, "B or something?"
I looked over at the doors; they were numbered not lettered. I sighed deeply and took my chance on door number 2.
The smell hit me as soon as I opened the door. A warm fug of steam rose up around me and I fought back the urge to gag as a thick stench of sweat and heavily perfumed shampoo hit the back of my throat.
Walking cautiously round the tiled wall in front of me I hesitantly called out hoping to god that I'd picked the right room and wouldn't have to repeat this horrible process again.
"You guys in here?"
I was starting to sweat, it was pretty hot outside so I felt as if id stepped into a sauna.
Someone questioned sharply and I came to a halt just before I was about to round another slimy, tiled corner.
"Yeah it's me. Where are you?" I called out as I struggled to evenly distribute the load in my arms. My short curls were sticking to my face and I could feel small beads of sweat slowly trickling down my face and back. Really nice.
"It sounds like you're near," Someone, I think Andy called back.
I'm so going to walk around this corner and find myself scared for life. That bitch is so going to pay for this. It's on now.
"Right," I said taking a deep breath, "I'm going to walk around this corner. Please, I'm begging you; cover up anything that you think might give me nightmares."
Ignoring the muffled yelp from Pete that I heard through the phone still attached to my ear, I walked around the corner and found myself faced with a site that would have been funny if I wasn't quite so pissed off about the whole situation.
Pete, Patrick, Joe and Andy were all sat on a bench at the far side of a row of showers. All equally as naked as the other and by the looks of it, all equally as uncomfortable.
I walked over to them and dumped the pile of clothes in my arms on a dry patch of floor. Turning around, trying to spare them some embarrassment I faced the wall.
"Though it's fairly obvious what's gone on here, would someone like to tell me how the hell you all ended up naked in a shower block in the middle of Texas?"
I brushed my hair angrily out of my face and waited for someone to reply. I wasn't really angry with the guys, I was angrier that we'd be had. Again. When I joined this tour as head of Special Effects no one told me that I'd end up in the middle of a frigging war.
No, stupid naive little me thought it'd be a way of getting out of the UK, of travelling around America, seeing the sites and getting paid for it. No one mentioned that being seen having one innocent conversation about guitar hero with Joe Trohman would taint me by association and make me a target of My Chemical Romance's stupid hate campaign again Fall Out Boy.
I don't even know how it all started. One minute they were both massively famous bands, the next, they were massively famous bands who apparently hated each other. The papers went mad for it, the fans become obsessed with it and the normal, indifferent members of the public quickly tired of it.
As a once indifferent member of the public myself, I found my sudden inclusion in the rivalry annoying to say the least. At the very start of the tour it was all fairly innocent. Friendly joking around backstage, the odd misplaced shoes, cling film on the toilets; all fairly primary school. But after about a week or so into the tour it all began to get a lot more serious.
And there's only one reason for that sudden jump between juvenile and cruel.
Her name's Sydney Reeve and ever since she joined the tour in LA she's been nothing but a pain in my arse. She's some hotshot Sound Tech who thinks she's all that with bells on. She was recommended by Mikey Way himself; don't ask me why, I really don't care enough to ask.
For whatever reason she's here now and making my life absolute hell. Yesterday she stuffed my confetti cannons so full of glitter bombs that when they finally did go off in the middle of Panic! At The Disco's set poor Brendon just about got blown off stage by the throw back.
This is why I just don't get it. I didn't even know anyone from Fall Out Boy until I got roped in to fight with them in this war. So really we've become friends by coincidence or just shear bad luck. I suppose the one good thing you could say about all this is that I actually like hanging out with the guys, we have a laugh...well when we're not completely consumed by plotting again MCR that is. I suppose that if it wasn't for that one random conversation about a stupid video game that I don't even really like, I'd still be just a random Techie.
Perhaps I'll look back on this in 10 years time and think of it all as character building. However right now I'm just mightily pissed off.
"They turned off the water and stole our clothes." Joe stated flatly as he walked up to me now fully clothed.
"Who was it this time?" I demanded, "I bet it was Frank wasn't it? He's been Syd's little lap dog from day one."
"No actually," Patrick said quietly as he ran a hand through his damp and curling hair, "I think it might have been Gerard and Ray this time. Pete swears he heard Gerard laughing."
I'll bet he did. The stupid peroxide pansy has this high pitched cackle that could shatter glass at 20 metres.
"Yeah and I saw Ray's big ass afro bouncing around outside like 5 minutes before we came in here." Pete snarled as he too appeared next to me yanking a rumpled looking t-shirt on. He looked furious, more pissed off than I think I'd ever seen him. I didn't know whether to be pleased or concerned; God knows what he's got in mind now.
"Do you recon they'll be outside waiting?" Andy asked as he joined the rest of us, now fully clothed in the miss match of bits I'd hastily picked up off the floor of the bus.
"Probably," I replied, "They'll no doubt want to get as much enjoyment out of this as possible."
They all groaned.
"Come on," I said a lot more confidently than I actually felt, "They may have got us this time, but we aren't beaten; not yet."
How had I suddenly become an Army General? Perhaps it's better not to ask questions.
Let's just say that the walk across the car park was unpleasant to say the least. My Chem's tour bus was conveniently parked so that they had a perfect view of the shower block. So upon leaving shower room 2 we were met with a window full of smug faces creased up with hysterical laughter.
"I'm going to kill her," I muttered under my breath as her stupid little pixie face winked at me through the bus window, "I swear to God if it's the last thing I do I'm going to..."
"Hey, just chill will you?" Pete said catching up to me and patting me on the arm, "We'll get them back don't worry about it."
He had a wicked catch in his voice and I looked up at him curiously.
"What are you thinking?" I asked beginning to get excited at the satisfied grin on his face.
He patted his pocket that I knew contained his trusty sidekick and I began to smile in comprehension. I heard Joe and Patrick trying not to laugh behind me and Andy who was on my other side was now holding back a grin.
"Who did you call and what have you done?" I asked feeling a thrill of anticipation rush through me. Screw not getting involved, nothing beats the exhilarated feeling you get when planning and pulling off a good prank.
"Let's just say that Dirty got bored and just happened to end up next to MCR's bus. Apparently Spark plugs are actually quite important..." He said trailing off with an evil glint in his eyes.
"Genius." I whispered as we reached FOB's bus, "Pure evil genius."
Taking one last backward glance over at MCR's bus I watched as they continued to laugh. O that's right, laugh away, but revenge is sweet my friends, revenge is sweet.
I was sat on the couch of the MCR bus playing Donkey Konga with Frank when Gerard and Ray burst through the doors with a pile of clothes and a tool box.
"Well? Did you pull it off?" I asked pausing the game.
"Hey" Frank whined.
"Just wait and see. Keep your eye out for Leo while we go dump these out back." Gerard flashed me an evil grin, before leading Ray to the back of the bus and out of sight.
"This is getting a bit out of hand." I said looking over at Frank, "This is like, the 4th prank in a week."
"Hey they totally deserved it. Plus it's not like you're innocent in all this, hasn't every retaliation been your brainchild? I can see right through you." Said Frank as he turned of the Gamecube. Grinning unashamedly he made his way to the back of the bus to see what Beavus and Butthead had done.
Oh I miss the good old days where I could just get on with my day without risk of pranking. I swear its all down to that stupid Brit; Leo. Ever since she showed up, it's like world war III.
First, we arrive in Ohio, to find "cancelled" slapped across our name on all the tour posters. Then we had our black ticker tape replace with some pink glittery shit. No guesses who was behind that one, seeing as Leo's the one in charge of the cannons.
The bus tyres mysteriously went flat in a matter of hours despite it being parked, leaving us stranded at a dive of a motel in some backwards state in the middle of nowhere. The final straw was when they swapped my backing tracks with Hannah Montana. I mean come on!? Who even listens to that shit?
Ever seen the Offspring video with Seth Green? Original Prankster? Well this tour is now that video. A coincidence that Seth Green was also in Arms Race? I think not.
I still don't know how I got dragged into this. The Black Parade is demanding with all the effects, so I spend more time rehearsing.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a pile of clothes with legs walking across the tarmac. Oh this really was too good.
"GUY'S, GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!" I yelled as I pressed my face up against the window.
Frank came sprinting out and jumped onto the couch next to me, shortly followed by Ray, Gee and Mikey.
"Oh this really is too good." Said Gerard, clearly basking in the scowl on Leo's face as she marched towards the showers.
"Oh my god, this is pure genius! Pete is gunna flip; he's such a diva." Said Frank who was practically bouncing off the walls in excitement.
I took some satisfaction at the pained look on Leo's face as she stalked across to the dirty looking building that housed her friends. She deserved this, they all did. Hearing movement behind me I turned to see Bob walking into the bus living area. He stopped as he saw us all kneeling on the couch staring out the window and sighed heavily.
"What have you done now?" He asked wearily gesturing to the trail of clothes strew over the floor.
"Revenge!" Gerard yelled, turning to Bob and punching the air.
"Again?" He questioned shaking his head. Bob so far had stayed out of the feud.
"Hannah Montana, Bob." I stated firmly hoping to remind him of the horror, "Hannah Montana. That bitch must pay."
"You mean Leo?" He asked taking a seat at the table across from us.
"Who else?" I replied distractedly, watching in glee as Leo paused at the entrance to the shower block with a disgusted look on her snotty, stuck up face. Little Miss Prissy wasn't going to like going into the dirty smelly showers that's for sure.
"O god! Look at her face!" Mikey said snorting with laughter.
"What exactly have you done?" Bob repeated, interrupting our victorious hysterics.
Leo entered the building so I turned around and gave Bob my full attention.
"Well, I was just the brains. We have Gee and Ray to thank for recon and Mikes and Frank for outpost duties. Basically the hot water supply to that shower block can be turned off with a mere twist of a wrench. All the screaming at the sudden cold shower provided the perfect audio disguise; allowing our recon to obtain the only set of clothes Fall Out Boy took in there with them."
"You turned off the hot water and left them naked." Bob stated his mouth twitching as he tried not to laugh.
I grinned widely nodding.
"It's not like the world hasn't seen that whore Wentz naked anyways." Mikey piped in.
We all burst out laughing again. So true. So true.
"You do realise they will retaliate?" Bob said after we had all calmed down.
"O yes," I said confidently, "But they can just bring it on. We'll be ready for them, there's no way they can out prank us."