Gerard asks for the impossible
"No," she said to me in an irritated manner to me. "I want to go back and see Gerard."
I decided my subconscious was crazy as well. Even when I was younger I couldn't distinguish dreams from reality, which often got me into trouble.
"Gerard will be angry." She said. "You saw him last night. He has a temper-don't make him angry!"
"No," I said. "There is no Gerard, stop being crazy."
"Mom used to always say that to us, 'stop being crazy', and we used to always say, 'I'm not crazy, you're crazy'. You are turning into mom." She sneered.
"Stop it!" I yelled to her.
I wondered, for most of the next hour, why people kept staring at me strangely. I was minding my own business just fine.
I arrived home and opened the large book lying on my desk. I thought I'd have another go at it, try to remember what I already read because I had already forgotten.
I awoke to a breeze on my neck, it was soft and tranquil. I hesitated opening my eyes, in fear loosing such a feeling. I thought I heard a faint whisper, which only brought a strange smile to my face. A beautiful image slashed through my brain; I remembered a man, a beautiful man. I decided I would visit the man. I had no idea how I could misplace a memory of him, he is so beautiful. I heard him whisper to me again. I closed my eyes and let the words wash over me.
He waited for me in the attic, not really waited, he had no where else to go. His smile almost brought me to my knees. I feared him so much, but his beauty caught me like honey, so sticky and sweet.
"I missed you," He told me from the shadows. He had replaced the boards I removed the night before. "I see you are still frightened," He continued, "I understand, of course, I'm glad you came anyway."
"Why did you-
"The windows? It scared me, you see, I didn't want people looking, His voice became quicker, defensive. "Looking at me, that's what everyone did-does. Do you understand? Judging me, they're always judging me!" He stood up straight, knocking the boxes from their neatly stacked position.
Fear became apparent on the surface as I stood back avoiding his mystical shadow. "But you, He continued softer, "You can look at me, you don't judge me-youre beautiful. The world should be more like you! Yes, that would be nice, don't you think?" His ignorance baffled me; he judged me too quickly. "Don't think I don't know what I say. I've had nothing but time to think about you, I just needed a face to conclude the thought. I know everything about you, you see."
I was concerned; I wasn't sure what he meant at all. "Don't fear me." He pleaded with suddenly sad eyes, emotion dripping from every pore in his body. "Don't! I can't deal with it, everyone fears me-- everyone! Don't you care?"
I saw his beautiful face, he looked so tortured, and it looked as if he was going to cry. I walked near him to stand parallel to him, he flinched against my presence. I had to stop to regain strength to go further. I reached into the very shadows he stood, and touched his cheek with my warm fingertips. His body shook as ice waved down my spine. So cold I thought to myself.
"You see?" He asked. "You see? You fear me."
"I don't touch things that I fear-thanks. I would appreciate it if you would stop saying how I feel." I replied, forcing my entire hand onto his soft cheek.
"But I know you do, I can feel it." He seemed confused, trying to decipher his emotions.
"That's how you feel, not me."
"That's ridiculous, how can I fear myself?"
"I don't know, ask yourself that question."
"Who?" He asked. "Gerard?"
"Yes, I removed my hand and began for the door.
"Wait, don't leave me, not yet."
"Talk to Gerard."
"But, I'll miss you."
"Then don't leave me."
I gave a questioning look to the book when I returned to my room. I immediately fell tired onto my bed. Exhausted, I slept.
*An:well this was a short one so I'll consider posting more if I get good feed back. so rate/review whatever and tell me what you think and I'll post more.