One-Shot. Please read & review it!! It's about Gerard Way, anyway... Hope you enjoy it because I suck at summaries! Con-crit is appreciated muchly!
(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-04-16 12:56:13 PMThis was good. Creepy. But good. A few things didnt make sense though And Im only saying cause you asked for const. crits. First you say 'Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking anyone for sympathy' - since hes 'talking' to Mikey he should address him only. (Im not looking for your sympathy or for any sympathy.)
then you say 'I only want people to listen.' again what people? isnt he only 'speaking' to Mikey?
Plus the in the beginning when you say do you remember when we met? Again- huh? theyre brothers a few years apart so im guessing no. I thought maybe he was talking to a girl he loved for while until I figured out it was Mikey.
I also found the concept of life support confusing. From what I know, which isnt much about life support,
You usually cant talk on life support - ya know breathing machines and such. So its strange how he talks to the nurse. It would be creepier if he cant talk and he can hear them but cant reply. And he knows that hes running out of time cause theyre coming to pull the plug so to speak.
I totally got the whole repenting for his sins vibe. And I liked how he was unafraid at the end.
Overall though good creepy story. Hmm how come theres no rating for creepy? Im gonna go with moving.-xoxo
Author's responseThanks :D it's all appreciated... umm when you have life support it is breathing machines and stuff but when you break your neck you can speak, you're just paralysed from the neck down i think... :-)
(#) mrsgerardway616 2007-04-16 04:39:16 PMthis was an excellent but sad story. i cried when i found out that mikey was dead, i just knew it was him when you said brown eyes underneath glasses. it was so sad for me to read it, but when i start reading something, i cant stop (only if its good). the whole time i read this i listened to "the minstrel's prayer by cartel" which i think has a connection to this story. i loved it very much. i love your writing. keep on writing like this, don't let anyone tell you different.
Author's responseWow thankyou :-) I loosely based it on the video for 'one' by metallica (I have an unhealthy obsession) but I'll deffo have to check that song out!! Thanks for the review hun!! :-)
(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-04-16 05:47:26 PMYeah I so get that he was paralyzed. But maybe just say 'machines that were keeping him alive' instead of life support. I know that sounds redonkulous cause duh a machine thats keeping you alive is duh well life support, but saying 'life support' makes me automatcally think breathing machine. Just saying 'machine' sounds all mysterious. Is it for his kidneys? his liver? his heart? I dunno. Im not a doctor. Or dont change anything. Im just wierd. And I know you asked for comments but do you really care what one crazy chick from jersey says. =) I'll leave you alone now...