What happens when angels die? Heero is about to find out. Is it too late to tell Duo the truth? Yaoi/shounen ai.
When Angels Die
Stars. Simple specks of light flickering in a sea of darkness. And yet, as I watch them from here on the balcony, they seem so hauntingly beautiful, yet out of reach. Burning with an inner light, but still cold and impressive. Like a certain guy I know.
Yep, I'm talking about the perfect soldier himself, Heero Yuy. Everything is a mission for him, even life. Sometimes I think he'd marry Relena if she ordered him to. Ouch, bad thought. Just plain sick. Heero and Relena, married? Just doesn't work in my mind. Ok, so they would look good together. After all, she is a princess and he is the hero. The hero always gets the girl in the end, right?
Sometimes I wish that fairytales had different endings. Why can't the princess just go away and let the hero save the dark angel? Ok, I'm really rambling on to myself now. But, that's just because... I love him myself.
Yeah, I know. That was a really, really stupid thing to go and do. I am in idiot. Just like Wufei always likes to say. 'Baka Maxwell.' Yep, that's me, just the idiot Duo Maxwell. A joker in a group of trained terrorists. But now, the war is over. There isn't anyone left to fight, except her. Because, if I lose she will marry Heero, and I... Well, death never gets a happy ending.
Speak of the devil. Here he comes now, striding towards me like the bloody perfect angel that he is. Strange, humans can seem more beautiful than angels at times. He's about my height now, ok, maybe just a bit taller. With his dark cold eyes and tanned skin, so handsome. My hero. No, Relena's hero. Who am I kidding? He's a dog on a leash when it comes to her. 'Oh HEERO! Come get me!' she yells all the time, and he does come to her aid. Hell, we all have to. I can't stand it sometimes, the irony of our lives.
I don't hate the girl. I really don't. Is it my fault I had to fall in love with a perfect soldier? A perfect hero. He's standing next to me now, staring out at the same stars I was admiring only seconds ago. For a human, he is wonderfully well built. I can't stop my eyes from admiring him even now. That's me, idiot Duo Maxwell, the boy who fell for a white winged angel of perfection. Baka, it will only be my downfall. But, I will never ever stop loving him.
He's watching me. I wish I could just turn and gaze into his violet depths for eternity, but that is not the reason I came here. No, I'm on a mission. I will not let myself get caught up in feelings. Duo Maxwell is my partner, maybe even my friend. I will not let myself fall in love with him.
And so, I turn to him, careful not to look him in the eyes. He's smiling, that beautiful smile he always wears. He's like an angel, a dark haired angel sent from heaven to tempt me, to lure me away from my mission. But, I cannot be tempted. I must do what I came here to do. Just say it, just say the words and leave.
I'm staring. I know I am. Heero finally comes to see me, and all he says is 'Goodbye.' What does he mean? Where is he going? His head tilts a bit away from me, his dark blue bangs falling in his eyes. His mouth opens to speak...
'I'm leaving... Relena is waiting for me.'
Shattering. The words pierce through my body like ice, sending my blood pounding through my head. He's leaving? Relena? Even though I knew this would happen, I just can't face it. It hurts. Heero is turning away now, walking out of my life. My hand reaches out, but he doesn't turn back, just keeps walking. My breath thudding in my ears as I clutch at the balcony rail for balance. No, Heero! Don't leave me! I love you! The words echo though my head, but my lips cannot release their secret. He's leaving, and I... I am dying.
It's better this way. I won't look back. If I do, I'll just see him standing there, smiling at me. He hasn't said anything, but I know he'll ask me to stay. Duo, I won't tie you down. You deserve better than a washed up perfect soldier. Don't give me your love, don't ask me to return it. This is how things are meant to be. You are free now, you were never meant to be a soldier. But I... I must complete this last mission. Even if it means marrying princess Relena.
Stars. That's all I can see. Bright lights piercing into my eyes, blinding me. The moon itself is laughing at me, mocking the love I have. Yes, I still love him. I would die a thousand deaths just to be close to him. But, it appears that I will only die one, a most painful one. Love is fragile and can be broken at the drop of an angel's feather.
I remember being asked once, by a child... 'What happens when an angel dies?' I had no words to answer her right then. But, now... I think I know. Angels exist to guard this world. But, when an angel falls in love, it will surely die. Love, so fragile a thing as this. Our hearts are made of the purest crystal, despite the different colors in our wings. You see, white angels are like Heero, even though he is human. But, black angels, the ones with the dark wings, are like me. We bring death and destruction to everyone we love. Perhaps it is better this way, better that I die than to taint Heero's life with more pain.
My soul is shattering even now, I can feel the icy pieces inside my chest. And, so now I die. Duo Maxwell, as my human friends know me. Shinigami, the God of Death, the angel of destruction, to my immortal court. Heero does not love me, so my love for him will kill me in the end.
One more step. Just one more. I can see her standing there, waiting for me. The smile on her face reminds me of the little girl from so long ago. The little girl and her puppy. But, this time I won't kill her, I'll protect her forever. No, I don't love Relena, not like I love...
What am I doing? I'm going back up there. I am turning to head back up those stairs, my body is following where my heart is leading. No, I have a mission. I can't face him again... Maybe, just to say goodbye once more. To hear him whisper, so long. I need him to release me, to release my heart that he holds captive. Duo, what...?
I see him now. He's laying back on the balcony, silent... so hauntingly silent. This isn't the way it should be. Duo belongs to the light, deserves to laugh in the face of death. Instead, his violet orbs seem empty now, just staring up at the stars. What's wrong with you, baka? Get up. Get up and run towards me. Yell at me, scream your pain into me until I can't help but enfold you away from the world. Don't just lay there, like death. Duo...
Cold. Your skin is so pale, nearly icy to the touch. Just when I am about to call for help, you look at me. For a second, you seem to stare through me, but then your eyes focus. A smile plays over your lips, directed at me even though I don't deserve it.
I can't bear to hear your words, for I know that I will no longer be able to lie to myself. I place a finger to your open lips, silencing you for the moment. If you say more, I can't go back down there, to her. I don't love her. But, I can pretend to, for the mission. Just don't ask me to stay...
You shake your head, making my finger drift off your lips. Instead, you focus your eyes on me again, trapping me once more.
'Heero, I... don't be sad. I love you.'
The stone around my heart shatters from your words, even as a strange glow engulfs your body. No, what's happening?! I pull you closer, even though I can feel something pulling you away. My eyes widen as I watch in fascination as dark black wings shimmer into existence, pulling from your back and surrounding us. So dark, so beautiful, my angel of death.
No, you can't mean that. Not after what you said. Duo Maxwell, you can't die on me! Even as I speak those words, the wings begin to fold away from us, drifting down upon the cold stone beneath us. You are smiling at me, your eyes strangely sad. I realize it now. I can admit it. I do love you. I love you, Duo Maxwell.
Your body shimmers in my arms, becoming lighter. I hold you close, even though I know I cannot save you. If only I had come sooner, if only I had told you the truth, if only...
The last thing I see are your eyes, staring back into mine. But soon, even they turn to silvery dust. Black feathers sweep around me, before floating up into the sky.
What happens when an angel dies?
I know the answer to that question. The heavens cry, and light shadows the darkness of night for an instant. I'm standing now, just staring as I watch those feathers float and shimmer, before being engulfed by the moon's glow. Silence stretches the planet as the angels morn the passing of their own. I join them, sharing their pain and silence. Duo Maxwell, my partner, my angel... is dead.
Startled, my eyes search the darkness for a body to match the voice. Duo, I must be imagining things. Duo isn't alive, he could not have whispered to me.
'Heero, don't be sad. When you have completed your mission on Earth, we will be together again. I love you, don't cry.'
A single black feather drifts down from the heavens and lands in my outstretched hands. I hear his words and know they are true. And... I smile, for we will be together again.
'I love you, my angel of darkness.'
My words echo through the night, but I know he can hear them. And so, I turn away from that beautiful silence and walk back down the stairs. I will complete my mission. I won't marry Relena, for I do not love her, but I will protect her. When my mission is finally complete, I will spread my own wings, white to match his black, and fly to him.
I no longer fear Death, because I know that I love him. And we will be together again, in paradise.
(Author's note: Review please, this is my first full GW fic, shounen ai too! Let me know what you think of it. I love reviews! If you like yaoi, check out some of my other fics too at my website http://wingedtora.tripod.com or http://darktora.tripod.com
or at fanfiction.net, or mediaminer.org