You're the one that I need, I'm the one that you loathe.
I skipped school the next day, but my mother didn't object.
I slept till noon, then I lay around feeling like shit. I wished these thoughts away, I wished the pain away.
When I turned on my phone I admit I hoped to see a sign from Gerard but there were only 4656 unanswered calls from Mikey and 14 other messages.
'Are u OK?'.
'Come on answer'
'You're doomed if you think about something stupid'
'Oh please! It's just a god damn fight'
'Talk to me'
'You both are idiots'
'I hate you'
'I love you actually and so is Gee'
'Now pick up'
'I'm coming over after school'
'And don't dare pretending you're not home'
My dear Mikey, at least I'll always have him.
He did stop by after school finding me still in bed.
"Skyling, you're still in bed!", he rarely used this nickname of Skyler combined with darling.
"Yup", I pulled my blanket up to my chin.
"You both are insane", Mikey shook his head, throwing his bag in the corner of my room.
"Your brother sure is", I pouted.
"And you're similar too. He kept referring to you as my best friend", he smirked.
"Fuck him", I growled from under the covers.
I was actually curious about what they were saying about me.
"What did you fight about?", Mikey climbed into the bed with me, I was grateful my mother wasn't home, she wouldn't take it very well.
"Shoes Mikey", I reminded him.
"Sorry", he kicked off his all stars and climbed back to bed.
"I'm sure your brother told you all about it", I cuddled next to him.
"He did. But I'm playing fair and want to hear your side of the story", he fluffed the pillows.
"We fought about his drinking and he said really hurtful things to me", I murmured.
"Look, I'm not going to get caught in the middle. You can trust me not to go back to him and tell him the things you said. I love you both, you're both my best friends", Mikey explained, " But you have to talk this through. You both care about each other".
"I don't want to talk about him, all I did is try to be a good friend and as a respond I get pushed away and he threw every painful bit in my face", I said stubbornly.
"He didn't mean it, but I'm not going to defend him or you. I just hope you figure it out soon", replied Mikey, covering himself with my blanket.
"He probably drinks himself to shit this very moment", I shook my head.
Mikey remained silent. I knew I was right
"He is, isn't he?!. Well, fuck him I'm not his mom as he kindly screamed yesterday", I tried to ignore the pain in my chest.
"I'm surrounded by idiots", Mikey stroked my hair gently.
The next morning Gerard didn't walk with us to school. During the breaks he was absent, Bob said he went to the library to catch on some stuff, he wasn't there on lunch either, Ray told us that he went home.
Typical Gerard, he'll ignore you, he'll drink his problems away, he'll do everything but face the music.
I went through my classes like a zombie, not noticing anything or anybody. I wrote, moved and breathed out of a habit but not because I wanted.
"Skyler who died?", I heard Frank's voice from distance.
The classroom came into view again.
"What?", he snapped me from my trance.
"You're not your usual self", he raised his eyebrows.
"What do you mean?", I asked smiling faintly.
"Mikey said you and Gerard had a fight", he looked me in the eye.
"Oh yeah. We did.", I looked him in the eyes, trying to think of the proper thing to say.
"That's why you're all zombie-ish?", he asked examining my unfocused manner.
"No, I'm fine. I'm just..okay. I'm OK, I promise", I dismissed his question with a wave.
Days came and went while things stayed the same. I went through my regular routine of getting up in the morning, going to school, hanging out with the guys, coming back home, eating and sleeping but all through the day something felt missing.
The sunshine Gerard brought into my life was missing, I know I sound like a stupid love song but that's how it felt.
I took advantage of every opportunity I had to have just a quick look at him, to catch just a quick glance before he disappeared between classes.
Gerard was around from the 6th grade, at first he was just Mikey's brother, then he was just around, blurred in the background of my life and now he was my light.
He was like air, you never realize you breath it but the second it's gone you die.
My anger was slowly fading away, I still thought he was silly for drinking himself to shit but I wasn't angry anymore. Instead I wanted to make him feel better, but how could I do that when we're not talking?.
I could tell he was drinking even more and I suspected he was doing something else besides drinking.
Mikey wasn't saying anything and I didn't dare to bring up the subject but I could see in his eyes that Gerard was drowning and there's nothing he can do about it but watch his brother slip away.
I could also tell by Gerard's appearance that he was worse.
He looked tired and ill on the days he did show up for school, the amount of which were slowly decreasing.
His eyes were constantly unfocused and he wore confused expression.
His eyes were blood shot and his skin tone reminded me of a yellowish wrinkled page you can find in old books, only it was caused by drink and not old age.
I could tell all the guys were worried.
They weren't saying anything when I was around because they became really overprotective of me, I was treated like I was their really fragile baby sister who they most protect from the world's evil.
I loved them for their love but sometimes it was annoying when Ray asked 105535 times per lessons if I was OK, or Frankie giviving Bob evil looks for making fun of my recent painting.
I think they felt that once Gerard stopped being around they have to take his place and keep my tender soul from aching.
But boy did my tender soul ached, if I had to paint an image of how it looked it would be wounded and bleeding.
Call me a drama queen but the first two weeks I couldn't see Gerard without tears walling in my eyes. I cried inside for him. For the hurt he must be feeling. For me.
After a while, I wasn't feeling the pain at all, I felt like a living dead. I was alive but didn't feel like it. I became even lazier, and would stay up all night, sitting in my bed lost in thought.
All my tears resources were dry long ago. Thoughts were circling in my head constantly.
I haven't spoke to Gerard for about 2 months.
We ignored each other wherever we saw each other or just avoided being around one another for the first month, but it became awkward for our friends and because neither of us had any other friends it was our unspoken decision not to make this hard for them. So things got back to normal except for the fact Gerard and I didn't speak.
We were politely cold to each other.
The hardest part were the art classes where he sat very close to me, I could reach out and touch his soft black hair. I wanted to do it so badly my hands ached and my brush shook because I gripped it so hard to keep myself from losing it and going for his hair.
He would no longer do my work, and I began to fail this class.
Mrs Ryneed couldn't understand where all my talent gone, to which I responded with a polite smile, "I have artist block miss".
We avoided eye contact, but when we happened to pass each other in the hallway he would hold my gaze for a while and walk past me like I'm just a random student.
It hurt me, it hurt me so much.
In Mikey's store I would usually avoid going to the comics section.
I missed Gerard more than words can ever explain.
Just the little things he would say or do that defined him as Gerard.
His voice, his shy smile, his smirk, the way he walked, the way he brushed his silky hair off his eyes, his way of holding a cup of coffee, how he smoked, his funny laugh, the way he turned 'fuck' into an active verb in our vocabulary.
Sorry it took a while to update, I had tons of school work and that damned writer's block again. but I'm back, armed with lots of ideas.
Reviews would be welcomed as always. Enjoy!!