I hear you've been bleeding Make your choice They say you've been pleading Someone save us Heaven help us now Come crashing down We'll hear the sound As you're falling down
I was petrified. Gerard put me up on his shoulders so I could film the concert better but somehow I found myself crowd surfing, I must've leaned over too much when I tried to take a still photo of the singer.
I can't possibly describe the fear sensation I was feeling, I wasn't this scared in the cab when I nearly found my death.
It was so overwhelming, I couldn't do anything except for screaming and clutching my camera.
Even if I wasn't paralyzed, what could I possibly do? These people didn't seem too eager to put me down.
I felt helpless and felt like crying and someone grabbed my ass. Couple of times.
After what felt like 24565 hours of pure terror, someone finally put me down in front of the speaker.
The noise blew the shit out of me.
My mind was a blank void, I didn't know what to do or what to think, I just stood there being pushed by screaming fans.
I felt a knot tie in my throat and stomach, I felt really sick and dizzy. The noise, lights and smoke overwhelmed me, my hands and legs shook.
I knew that if I didn't get out of here real soon, I'll faint and be crushed by thousands enthusiastic fans.
I finally gained control over my senses and decided to push the fear sensation away and make my way out of the concert arena.
I began to push my way out through the crowd who was still cheering and screaming the names of the band members, I was hoping not to black out in the middle of my battle for freedom and safety.
Panting and sweating I finally found myself in the cool hall, it was empty except for a few waiting parents and people who couldn't get a ticket.
The minute I broke free from the concert venue they came over to quiz me about the concert.
I answered their questions shortly and with trembling hands searched for my mobile in my bag.
I had 4669 unanswered calls from Gerard, he must have been worried sick.
He lost me in the middle of a metal concert, he must think he killed me or something. Again.
The knot in my throat tighten even more if that's possible, I was still shaking and dizzy.
I tried to call him but for some reason I had no signal.
Damn phones, what's the point in them being mobile if in time of need they won't fucking work!.
I leaned against the cool brick wall, trying to stop my limbs from shaking uncontrollably and gain control over my thoughts and breathing.
One moment I breathed too fast and the second I didn't breath at all and between that, I choked and gasped for oxygen.
My hands were sweaty and wet. I felt horrible.
Once I managed to start breathing in a normal rate again, I checked my backpack to see if I didn't lose anything and wondered around the hall just to keep myself from blacking out.
When I was about to go into the bathroom to wash my sweaty face, I heard a familiar voice around the corner.
I rushed as fast as my jelly legs could carry me to check if it wasn't an illusion, I saw Gerard scream at one of the guards, I was so relived I could faint right there on the spot.
"Gerard!", my voice was weak and squeaky.
He looked pale and shaken, "Oh Sky", he ran to me and hugged me, I wrapped my arms around his waist. He squeezed me tight. Really tight. Extremely tight
The tears walling up in my eyes choked me to the point I gasped.
"G, it's OK", I barely breathed out.
He shook his head violently, "We nearly died twice today, let me have this moment".
I patted his back, "It's OK G. Everything is fine, we're more alive than ever. Let's just make sure the next time our lives are flashing before our eyes, it would be worth watching".
"You scared me to death Skyler", I heard Gerard's muffled voice.
"I scared you? I'm the one who floated around half of the concert", I giggled through my tears.
"You wouldn't believe the scenes running through my mind. It was horrible", Gerard hugged me even tighter.
We parted just in time, another minute longer and I would have fainted from lack of oxygen.
Mikey told me about Gerard's obsession with death, I hoped this wouldn't make him drink again.
He was doing so well, it was hard for him and he kept both Mikey and I awake at night just speaking out his mind, but I rather not sleep at all than watch him throw up in the bushes again.
We turned to leave, I was holding on to Gerard's arm for dear life, my legs were shaking like mad.
I was certain that if I ever let go I will fall and wouldn't be able to stand up ever again.
"Let's go get some coffee, I think we both need it", said Gerard, he was still paler than a piece of paper.
His concern touched me.
We ordered our coffees and sipped them in silence, recovering from the days events.
"I'm sorry Skyler", Gerard interrupted the silence, looking ashamed.
"What for G?", I asked, still relearning how to use my voice properly.
"For letting you down like always", he sighed, looking down at his plastic cup.
I frowned and sipped coffee from the cup that was now shaking along with my hand ,"You didn't let me down, it just kinda happen. I just kinda slipped".
"I do. I always let you down. You were right I'm just a drunken motherfucker. Here you can throw this cup at me", he handed me his half empty cup.
"G, what's up?", I moved my chair closer to his and patted his hands, his choice of these particular words lit up a red bulb in my mind.
he refused to look at me.
I knew what was going on, he drank again!.
"Ger, did you drink again?", I asked softly.
I just hadn't got the strength to yell or scream.
So what if he promised that he never will, I nearly died twice today, I didn't have the energy to make him sorry and besides he looked like he was sorry enough. his whole manner said regret.
He didn't say anything but avoided my eyes, he looked like a sad abandoned puppy, I shook his arm slightly, "G did you?".
He nodded and I sighed heavily ,"Why?".
I felt tired, so tired I could've rolled over and sleep in the little coffee shop forever.
"I don't know, I just needed it", he whispered guiltily.
"But you promised G", I said leaning back in my chair.
Doesn't he care about me enough to keep this promise?.
"Are you mad?", it was the first time since we sat that he made eye contact with me, I felt like the evil punishing parent.
I nodded, I was emotionally drained to do anything else.
"Told you I always let you down. If it's not letting you see how I throw up in the bushes it's losing you in a concert arena", he brushed a few hairs out of his eyes.
"Gerard, I wish you wouldn't do it. I'll do anything to make you stop but you gotta help me in this one, and you didn't let me down. I knew it's a big change and it won't happen overnight, I just hoped you would have as less slips as possible" , I explained, wishing I could rest my head somewhere, "it's a long ride but we're there for you"
He looked relived and smiled.
"You thought I'll have another fit?", I giggled.
Gerard nodded and I slapped his arm, "I'll have one if you drink again".
review me p.l.e.a.s.e.
It means a lot to me, i want to know what works and what not.