Women utterly confused him sometimes. [Shikamaru x Sakura]
Warnings: Um, het, language? That it?
Notes: Another Het challenge, the request being "Silly me... I asked what he/she was doing." The pairings requested were Shikamaru, Shino, or Deidara with Sakura. I have four different plots going for this request, but this is the one that got finished first. Of course it would be the one where it was more of a vague theme...
The Strangest of All Creatures
Women were troubling creatures. Loud, unpredictable, clingy, bitchy, temperamental, jealous, irrational, and utterly confusing creatures.
Haruno Sakura, despite being a fairly intelligent person and an exceptional shinobi, was no different. She was still a woman with all the usual qualities that came with her kind, except she was actually a bit more curious than most others. Always asking pointed questions and poking her nose where it really wasn't wanted, and when she inevitably learned something she didn't want to know it was always the innocent that suffered for it. Shikamaru was only one of the many men in Konoha who'd quickly learned the fine art of the little white lie in order to save his skin.
Being the intelligent woman she was, Sakura had long ago caught onto that tactic and quickly developed several counter-tactics of her own. Which was why, after a pleasant afternoon of cloud watching with the not-so-annoying weight of a pink head on his chest, Shikamaru had stupidly answered her carefully timed question with the absolute truth.
Sakura's eyes shot open and she craned her neck to look up at him. The incredulous look on her face was almost worth the trouble he knew was coming. "Excuse me?"
"The Pimp no Jutsu," Shikamaru repeated, resigning himself to his fate. It was best to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible now to minimize the extent of his injuries.
"The-" Sakura sat up to peer down at him suspiciously. Her eyes were narrowed, the first sign that her temper was being riled. "Nara Shikamaru! That's not funny!"
Dammit, he knew it'd been a mistake to let her meet his mother. The two had taken to each other way too quickly for his peace of mind, a feeling that was validated later when she started using things she'd learned against him. Just like now, with her using the same tone of voice his mother had perfected over years of badgering the men of her house into doing what she wanted them to do.
It was the years of badgering under his mother that made him reflexively shrink back and open his mouth to dig himself a deeper hole. "I'm not joking."
"That sounds like some perverted trick Naruto would think up!" There. The shocked look was gone now, replaced by a calm mask and slightly pleasant smile. Sign two that she was getting mad, and his usual cue to run. "So, what does that have to do with you falling in love with me?"
Only his slowly awakening sense of survival kept him from saying the first thing that came to his mind. Who said anything about love? He was terrified of her, especially right now. Running was not an option. Not with Sakura hovering over him with that malicious glint in her eye that usually meant pain and death were imminent.
"This isn't anything like what Naruto does," Shikamaru was quick to reassure her. "And what it has to do with me, uh, loving you is the fact that you are immune to it."
There, it didn't clear it all up, but hopefully he'd backpedaled enough to-
Later he'd swear her eyes flashed red before she exploded. "You used it on me!?"
"No!" Shit! He did not need to be reminded about how insanely strong she was or how it was really futile to try to avoid her fist. "Ow, stop that! I don't use it at all!"
"Oh really?" False sweetness, the third and last sign that Sakura was getting pissed, showed up too late to do him any good. She'd already thrown the first punch and would just hunt him down if he tried his luck at running.
"Yes! It's not something you can just use at will you know?" Unfortunately. Would've saved him a lot of trouble if he could activate and deactivate it. Not that it would've done him any good now.
"Well, I don't know," One fist slowly pulled back as she leaned over him. "Do tell me all about it."
"It's more of a- curse than a jutsu," A really shitty one too. He'd never paid much attention to the specifics after figuring out it couldn't be undone. "Some ancestor got caught screwing a lord's wife. Someone thought it'd be a good idea to curse him, make him abhorrent to everyone he met. Long story short, the damn thing went wrong and does the exact opposite."
"So you're saying, you're cursed to attract everyone you meet?" Sakura snorted, lips turning up in a grin. Her fist uncurled and she flicked a finger across his nose. "That has to be the worst lie you've ever told me!"
Imminent threat avoided, Shikamaru relaxed. He should've known all it would take to disarm her temper was a bit of humiliation on his part.
"Not all the time, that'd be a real pain in the ass," He grumbled, the few times it did happen were more than enough for him. Some of his relatives might find the thing useful, but it just caused too much trouble in his opinion. "There's a reason you don't see a Nara walk around with their hair down."
"Your hair? You don't look that different with it down," She tugged at the tail lightly. "Well, maybe you look a little more ridiculous than usual."
"Thanks," Shikamaru said dryly. "I know you don't see anything differently, you're immune to the damn thing."
"Really," The speculative and curious look in her eyes scared him almost as much as her earlier outburst. "Shikamaru-"
"No," He quickly cut her off, whatever it was she was thinking would not end well for him. Which was proved when the hand that had tugged his hair attempted to pull out the band holding it up. "Hey!"
"You didn't listen to what I was going to ask," Sakura pouted when he pushed her hand away. "I just wanted to see the curse at work."
"Already said it doesn't work on you," He grumbled, tightening the now loose band. "And I'm not sticking around to let you use it on someone else."
"Oh come on, you can't expect me to believe something like this without proof," She said, pulling at his hair again. "Let me see how it works!"
"Ow," He rolled his eyes and tried to catch her hands. "Fine, you got me. I was making it up, will you quit messing with my hair now?"
"I knew it!" Sakura crowed in triumph, promptly letting go of his hair to poke at his chest. "You're a horrible liar Shikamaru."
"Whatever," Shikamaru closed his eyes and ignored the sound of her laughter. First she was shocked, then she was angry, and now she just didn't believe him. Typical female reaction. He'd never understand it or them. Sakura eventually stopped laughing and settled back into her previous position. This time she seemed content to stay that way for a bit.
Shikamaru was just on the verge of drifting off to sleep again when she stirred and spoke up. "Shikamaru?"
"Yeah?" He asked warily. It would be just like her to keep pushing. Women were such troublesome creatures.
"Next time, just say it was my eyes or something. Alright?"
Despite the fact that would be an obvious lie? Troublesome, contradictory creatures. "Yeah, yeah."