Yukimura decides to throw a birthday party for Kirihara, and invites all the Regulars. God help us all.
Notes: This was started a while ago when I had a stomach virus, and I finished it over the past week while I was home with a surprisingly resilient cold. So it may not be that readable. Or sane.
"But it would be so wonderful - we could cancel morning practice, and afternoon practice too, and have the entire club join in -"
Yukimura looked at Sanada with large eyes. "Why not?" he asked.
Sanda devoutly refused to look his captain in the eyes. Not even he could resist Yukimura's Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom (tm). "It will distract him from improving his game," he responded.
"It's only one day out of the entire year. Don't you want to do something special for our child's birthday?" Yukimura's voice trembled just enough for it to be noticeable.
"Kirihara is not our child!" Sanada snapped, glaring at Yukimura. Immediately he realized his mistake, but he was unable to escape the other boy's pleading eyes. He tried to stand strong, but he could feel his will crumbling the longer he looked at that expression. "All right, we can throw him a party," he grumbled, "but only the Regulars are involved. Not the entire club."
Yukimura gave him a brilliant smile. "Of course, Genichirou."
Sanada flushed slightly, but continued in his stern voice, "And no cancelling practice."
Yukimura pouted. "But, if we have the party after practice, Akaya will hardly be able to stand up, much less enjoy his birthday party," he pointed out.
The pout did its work. "Fine," Sanada ground out. "Afternoon practice is cancelled for the party. But not morning practice!"
"Thank you, Genichirou." Yukimura smiled again and leaned over to lightly kiss Sanda on the cheek. Sanda flushed even darker and said nothing, only pulling the lip of his cap down over his face.
That Sunday, Sanada was beginning to regret his decision to go along with Yukimura's insistence on celebrating the day a demon known as Kirihara Akaya came into existence. Yukimura wanted to go out and buy supplies for Kirihara's party, and Sanada's protective instincts towards his captain outweighed his annoyed ones towards this ridiculous party. Thus Sanada found himself standing in the middle of a party supplies store, arms full of several packages of balloons, paper plates, napkins, and plastic utensils, as Yukimura ran around the store, searching for the perfectly colored streamers.
"Ne, Genichirou, which one do you think is better?" the boy asked, skidding to a stop before Sanada, holding up a roll of yellow streamers and a roll of red ones.
Sanada's eyebrow twitched. "I don't think it matters," he said.
Yukimura's lower lip trembled. "But, Genichirou!" he cried. "Everything has to perfect for our child's birthday!"
"Yukimura," Sanada muttered, shifting uncomfortably, "people are staring."
It was true. Other customers in the store had stopped in their tracks to watch Yukimura bounce around, snatching things off the shelves only to put them back a second later. At the boy's latest outburst, several people had turned to stare at Sanada as well, making him wish that he had a hand free to pull down the lip of his cap. As it was, he had nothing to put between himself and their stares, or Yukimura's eyes, which were just barely wet.
Sanada sighed, and said, "What I meant was, I think they're both fine."
All traces of tears immediately vanished from Yukimura's eyes as they lit up happily. "I'll get them both, then!" he exclaimed cheerfully, promptly dumping the two packages into Sanada's arms and bouncing off to the cashier. "Come on, Genichirou!" he called when Sanada, slowed down by his load, lagged behind.
Sanada sighed resignedly and quickened his step. Really, the things he did for his captain...
Yukimura had decreed that he would fetch Kirihara after school the day of the party. Sanada had wanted to go with him, but Yukimura insisted that he stay behind and make sure the other Regulars didn't mess up the decorations before Akaya had a chance to see them.
Yukimura found Akaya lurking around a corner, undoubtably planning to give some random passerby a heart attack.
"Buchou," Akaya greeted him, immediately dropping his mischievous and slightly evil expression for one of wide-eyed innocence. "I heard that practice was cancelled."
"For your birthday party," Yukimura told him. "It's being held in the clubroom."
Kirihara frowned, his nose wrinkling up. "Don't want a birthday party," he muttered. "Parties're for kids."
"Akaya," Yukimura said in an admonishing tone. "All the Regulars have already bought you presents."
Kirihara perked up at that. "Presents?" he asked, a grin spreading over his face.
Yukimura smiled at him. "Presents," he confirmed. "And Jackal was kind enough to make you a birthday cake. Chocolate, your favorite."
"Well why didn't you say so?" Kirihara demanded, all thoughts of protesting gone. "Lead the way, buchou!"
The clubroom decorations were still intact when Yukimura returned with Kirihara in tow. Red and yellow streamers hung from the ceiling, along with balloons every color of the rainbow and a banner that read, 'Happy Birthday Akaya!' A table stood in the middle, presents piled on one end, the rest covered with junk food. Marui was staring longingly at the cake, but Jackal had a firm grip on him.
"Akaya's here!" Yukimura announced.
"Great!" Marui exclaimed. "That means we can eat now, right?"
Yukimura nodded to Jackal, who released his hold on Marui with a sigh of relief. Marui plowed straight into the cake and inhaled half of it before slowing down. The rest of the Regulars stared.
"Don't worry," said Jackal. "I expected this. There's another cake." He brought it out and cut a piece for the others.
Once everyone had eaten something, Yukimura clapped his hands and said, "Presents!" He grabbed a small, plainly-wrapped package from the pile and handed it to Kirihara. "Why don't you open Genichirou's present first," he suggested. "I'm sure he put a lot of thought into it."
Kirihara gave a disbelieving snort, but took the present and carelessly ripped the wrapping paper off of it. He was left with a fairly thick book in his hands, which he promptly made a face at. "Who gives people books on their birthday?" he said disgustedly.
Sanada's eyebrow twitched. He thought it was a great present.
"Akaya," Yukimura said warningly.
Kirhara glanced nervously at him, remembered several badly-timed entrances during which he saw entirely too much of both his buchou and his fukubuchou, and amended, "Ah, what I meant was, it's such a...uh, an unusual gift, and I really like it. Yeah."
Yukimura relaxed and smiled softly. "Excellent," he said. "See, Genichirou, I told you he would like it."
Kirihara made a face at Sanada, then quickly replaced it with an innocent smile when Yukimura glanced at him. He grabbed the nearest present, which turned out to be an organizer. "Gee, thanks, Jackal," he said, then muttered, "I hope the rest of the presents aren't this stupid."
Yukimura frowned at him, but as he spoke low enough that no one else heard him, he let Kirihara slide for the moment. "Open this one, Akaya," he said, handing him the next present from the pile. "Marui, this is from you, isn't it?"
Marui said something that might have been 'Yes,' but sounded more like 'Mrph' as he was trying to talk and eat at the same time. Kirihara shrugged and tore the wrapping off his present. "Coupons for all-you-can-eat buffets," he said. "Well, it's better than the last two, at least..."
Marui slung an arm around Kirihara's shoulders. "And of course you're gonna share those with your generous sempai, right?" he asked through his mouthful of cake.
Kirihara elbowed him in the side and shrugged off his arm. "No way, Marui-sempai," he said.
"Ah! What a cruel kohai!" Marui wailed, crumbs spraying from his mouth.
Kirihara grimaced and wiped off the ones that landed on him. "You eat too much anyway," he retorted. "If I shared these with you, you'd get so fat you wouldn't be able to walk and you'd have to roll everywhere."
Yukimura interrupted the impending shouting match, and possibly a sissy slap fight, by handing his present to Kirihara and saying, "Here, Akaya. From me."
Kirihara quickly grabbed the present, ignoring Marui's shouts that he was a growing boy and had a perfectly balanced diet, thank you very much. He opened it, and into his hands tumbled two tickets to a concert he'd been raving about for weeks.
"Sankyuu, Buchou!" Kirihara gave Yukimura a hug, which the older boy laughingly returned. Over Yukimura's shoulder, Kirihara stuck his tongue out at Sanada, who was watching them disapprovingly.
"The extra ticket is for you to give to a special boy," Yukimura said, winking, once Kirihara had released him.
"Sure, sure," Kirihara said. He'd actually been thinking of selling it for some pocket money, but Yukimura didn't have to know that. He reached for the next present in the pile and read, "From Niou and Yagyuu." He scowled at them. "You guys only got me one present? Cheap."
Niou reached over and smacked the back of Kirihara's head. "Shut up, brat," he said. "Just open the damn present."
Kirihara pouted but complied, carelessly tearing off the wrapping paper and throwing it to the side. He dumped out the contents of the box in front of him and blinked. "Is that a knife?"
"A machete, actually," Yanagi offered after examining it. "Though it seems to be made of plastic, not metal."
Kirihara's face split into a not-quite-demented-but-close-enough-to-make-you-run-like-hell-in-the-other-direction grin. "/Cool/!" He snatched up the knife and waved it at the person closest to him, who happened to be Marui.
"Hey!" Marui leapt up and away from the weapon. "I'm eating here!"
Kirihara ignored him and continued with his attack, in the process bringing down several streamers, popping half the balloons, overturning a bowl of chips, and denting a few lockers.
Jackal stared at the destruction in horror. "What possessed you to give Kirihara a machete?" he demanded, turning to the Doubles One pair.
"It was Niou's idea," said Yagyuu, pointing at his doubles partner.
"/You're Niou/," said Niou (Yagyuu?).
"Am I?" Yagyuu (Niou?) asked. "I thought you were Niou today."
Sanada growled. "I don't care who it was, just get it away from him!" he barked.
"Oh, come on, Genichirou," Yukimura said. "It's only plastic. And look how much fun he's having."
Kirihara was still chasing Marui around the clubhouse, cackling madly. Marui was trying to leap over the various obstacles in his way while not dropping his slice of cake. He wasn't succeeding very well, and it had already fallen to the floor several times, leaving streaks of frosting in various locations. As they watched, Marui dropped it once again, and as he was frantically trying to save it, Kirihara caught up with him and began stabbing him gleefully.
"Ow!" Marui yelped, forgetting about his cake and lifting his hands to bat away the plastic blade. "That hurts, brat!" He tried to dodge Kirihara's next stab, but tripped over an inconveniently placed bag and fell on his back, right onto the dropped piece of cake.
Marui took off his jacket and stared mournfully at the smashed remains of chocolate cake on it. "Now look," he said, sighing, " you made me waste a perfectly good slice of cake."
Kirihara was too busy laughing at him to reply.
Eventually Yukimura managed to get Kirihara calmed down enough to open the last present, Yanagi's.
"What is it?" Kirihara weighed the brightly wrapped box in his hands, then shook it next to his ear.
"Just open it," Yanagi said.
Kirihara eagerly tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box to find...a bottle of lube and several condoms. He stared. Yanagi leaned in, his lips brushing Kirihara's ear, and told him, "Those are for later."
Kirihara found his voice and said, "Fuck later, what's wrong with now?" With that, he leapt up and dragged Yanagi out of the clubhouse, leaving the rest of the regulars staring after them.
"So...what now?" Marui asked, after several minutes of silence (and snickering from either Yagyuu or Niou).
"We should probably clean this up," Jackal said, looking around at the scattered streamers and balloons, the spilled punch, the smashed cake, the crumpled wrapping paper, and Kirihara's discarded pile of presents.
The other regulars shared a look, and as one stampeded out of the door (except for Yukimura, who was carried by Sanada). When the dust cleared, Jackal was the only one left.
"I knew this would happen," Jackal muttered to himself. Sighing, he opened his tennis bag and fished out the object he'd shoved into it that morning, anticipating something like this. After locking the door against nosy, blackmailing classmates, Jackal tied on the frilly pink apron and got to work.
Comments are greatly appreciated. That is, if your brain hasn't melted. :D