I Don't Love You (At Least I Think I Don't)
Sequel to Disenchanted. Gerard finally makes his decision about Spencer.
Driving down the road Gerard hummed to a song in his head, strumming his fingers on the wheel. Taking a left turn toward his brother Mikey's house for lunch, as he turned up the long driveway he saw a car that he didn't recognize parked by the garage doors. Parking his own by Ray's Hummer, he got out and walked up to the side door that leads into the kitchen and laundry room. Gerard opens the door walking in shutting it behind him. Quietly Gerard walked into the kitchen where he heard voices laughing and talking. Coming around the corner he saw that Mikey had his back to him as he was talking to Frank. Gerard Looked at Frank and quietly put his finger to his lips telling him not to make a sound. He slowly crept up behind Mikey and raises his hands to grab him. When Mikey said, "Gerard I hope you know I can see you in the reflection of the mirror to my left." He smiled turning to look at Gerard. "Damnit, I thought I could get you." said Gerard as he gave his brother a hug. Mikey hugged back. "Well, the fact that I know you all too well doesn't really help you." Mikey said smiling. Ending the hug Gerard comes up to Frank and slings his left arm around Frank's shoulders. "So about the message you guys left me, what did you all want?" Gerard asked looking from his brother to Frank.
"Well I can answer that," Ray said coming from the patio with Bob. "When you left the club six months ago after confronting Spencer..."
"Lets not go there." Gerard interrupted as a wave of emotions crashed through his eyes in seconds. He took his arm from around Frank's shoulders and went to the window above the sink. Looking out Gerard saw Mikey's dogs Ebony and Ivory play tug of war with some rope.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come." Gerard said under his breath even though he knew they all heard him clearly. He turns to leave through the side door, but found Bob standing in his way. "Let me pass." He said gritting his teeth.
"No I believe you need to hear what we have to say." Bob answered keeping his place in the door way. "We?" Gerard asked taken aback by Bob's answer. Gerard looked at Bob for a moment considering. "Fine, I'll stay but I won't be too happy about it." He said definitely.
Ray answered. "Fine sulk all you want but you need to listen. It's serious." Ray finished and Gerard heard him walkway.
Gerard turned to see the patio door close and Ray walk towards one of the wicker couches and sit down. Mikey and Frank had followed. "Well come on." Bob said taking his arms and pulling him along. Stepping through the back door into the patio; Gerard notice that there were other people here besides him and his bandmates. Sitting in a chair whether than one of the couches he leaned back waiting for someone to say something.
It was silent for a moment than as the others that Gerard didn't know were walking into the patio from outside it was none other than the group Panic At The Disco. Gerard closed his eyes hoping against hope that he was just seeing things, opening them he frowned. Not a dream. "Listen, Gerard we all have been thinking and the only time that any of us has ever seen you really happy was when you were with Spencer and he really wants to get back together with you." Ray said looking at Spencer then back to Gerard. Gerard opened his mouth to speak but Brendon spoke first.
"Ray is right, Spencer can't stop thinking about you, and he wants you back." Brendon said agreeing with Ray. Everyone agreed as well except Spencer who was the only one not looking at Gerard or talking for that matter.
Mikey looked at his big brother trying to figure him out. "Gerard?"
"What?" He said back icily.
"Hey don't take any tone with me. I maybe younger than you; but I can kick your ass" Mikey said getting angry at his brothers' temper.
Mikey got out of his seat and came closer to Gerard kneeling in front of him whispering in his ear so that no one could hear him, but Gerard. "Listen bro. I love you and you need to be with someone. I don't want see you so depressed in years to come when you have no one. I want you to have children and grow old with who you marry. I want to see you happy. I know the others think you may be happy, but I've known you longer than anyone here. I know you still love Spencer and that you desperately want to be with him. They may not see the hurt that you hide but I can. Just get over yourself and get back with Spencer. Stop being a stubborn asshole and get him back."
Mikey finished what he had to say and went back to his seat as he watched Gerard's reaction. Gerard sat there the whole time Mikey talked to him. He was still and quiet for a few minutes. He didn't even notice when tears started streaming down his face. He leaned forward putting his face in his hands trying to disappear from all around him. Mikey was right apart of him still wanted Spencer back and badly. But he still knew that he was hurt during his relationship with Spence. What was he going to do? How was he going to go about this? Was he going to go back to him? Will Spencer hurt him again? Gerard thought all this through and came to the conclusion that he should at least give him one more chance. He looked up from his hands and saw that everyone was staring at him. He stood up and went over to Spencer; stopping just a few steps in front of him. He looked away for a minute, then back to Spencer. He let go of the breath he held and said, "Spence could we talk for a moment alone?" Spencer looked at Gerard for second before nodding.
Taking Spencer's hand Gerard lead him outside next to the pool on the far away side farther from the house. Gerard raised his and Spencer's hands and looked them over. It felt right to hold his hands. It really did. He caressed Spencer's hand with his thumb smiling a little. "Well what is it?" Spencer said breaking Gerard's train of thought.
"Um ...Well I was thinking maybe my brother and the others are right..." he said not finishing his sentence. Not looking up from his and Spencer's hands.
"Gerard ...I really do love you still...I...I'm sorry for ever hurting you ...I..." Spencer tried to say. But Gerard held up his other hand to quiet him. "I know you are, but it still hurt Spence." Gerard said looking up. "Apart of me still loves you as well, but I'm still cautious after what you did to me. I mean I know you and I both have busy jobs and I know that there are times when we can't do what we want but it still hurt that you never told them." He said referring to Spencer's band. "I know and I should have but I just couldn't do that to them when we had really just started out big and we were getting used to the limelight. I'm really sorry." Spencer said as he pushed his hair out of his face.
"I know I've already forgiven you on that part but I'm still weary about this." Gerard said taking a long breath afterward. Gerard looked away from Spencer and over at the patio to see everyone staring at them waiting. Gerard smiled and laughed. Spencer looked confused until he saw what Gerard was laughing at. He chuckled a little as well. Gerard looked back at Spencer seeing him laugh, he smiled inwardly always loving the way Spencer smiled when he laughed. "Well, I guess they want to know if we're back to together, don't you think?" Gerard said getting Spencer's attention.
"So does that mean we're back together?" he asked hoping it was. Gerard looked back to the patio where the others were waiting and back to Spencer. "Yes." He said smiling.
Than unexpectantly Spencer jumped into his arms causing them both to fall to the ground laughing and screaming. Spencer looked into Gerard's eyes smiling. He leaned in and kissed Gerard softly on the lips which ignited the old flame Gerard had been hiding. Gerard deepened the kiss letting Spencer enter and reexplore his mouth. They lost themselves in the kiss not caring or even listening to their friends hoot and holler. After awhile though, they separated to get back the breath they lost when they fell. "I love you Gee." Spencer said looking into Gerard's eyes. "I love you too, Spence." Gerard said leaning up to kiss Spencer again. Spencer kissed back then got off Gerard and helped him up as he went to stand. "Thanks." Was all Gerard said as he went to wipe at his pants and shirt. Spencer did the same. Spencer then took Gerard's hand and looked at him before speaking. "Gerard I'll try to never hurt you again, I promise." Gerard smiled. "I know but let's just take it in stride for now, love." Gerard brought their hands up to kiss their fingers. "Come on they'll want to know what all we said." He said as he pulled Spencer to walk with him back to the patio.
Getting back through the door everyone was congratulating them on their renewed relationship. Gerard looked over at Mikey as he hugged Ryan, knowing that Mikey could tell he was truly happy once again. Everyone was glad that they got back to together as they hugged them more than once. Spencer the whole time was quiet but everyone knew he was ecstatic about being with Gerard again. Then something was burning. "Um ... what that smell?" said Frank as he scrunched up is nose.
"God Damnit the steaks!" Ray cursed as he pushed through everyone to get outside to the grill. Gerard and the others watched as Ray lifted the top and smoke billow out hitting him in the face. "Bob I think you might need to help your boyfriend, it seems he can't stop the fire." Ryan said laughing as Bob ran out to help. "Boyfriend ...?" Gerard asked looking at Ryan confused. "What you didn't know they were dating?" asked Brendon still watching Ray and Bob fight a flame that ignited just seconds before. "As a matter of fact, no I didn't." Gerard said getting upset for being out of the loop.
"Gerard they got together about a week after you left that night at the club, remember; I told you over the phone." Frank said looking at Gerard. "No I don't Frank." He said trying to remember being told. "Yeah it's one of the reasons Ray doesn't have a stick up his ass." Laughed Mikey as he came to join the conversation. "Well the only stick up his ass now is Bob's." replied Frank smiling getting most of the room laughing from his comment. "You guys are just wrong." Gerard said finding it hard not to smile. Picking up the steak plate on the table beside him Gerard went out to help taking Spencer with him.
"You guys need some help?" Gerard asked as he and Spencer came up to the grill. Bob and Ray looked up and smiled nodding. Taking the tongs that Ray handed him he took what steaks weren't really burnt and put them on the plate. "Sorry about that I just forgot about them, I was more concerned for you." Ray pleaded. "It don't matter you just burnt four of them." Gerard said putting the last steak on the plate. "So I hear that you and Bob are together now?" Both Ray and Bob blushed heavily. "Who told you?" asked Bob looking back to the patio. "Don't worry about it I'm happy for you both." Gerard said ending the matter. "Well we didn't want to tell you while you were 'for better words' sulking." Said Ray shyly. Gerard smile as he took Spencer hand in his. "Yeah well I'm happier than I've been in a while." Gerard said turning to look at Spencer smiling. Spencer smiled back.
Bob mean while went to clean off the grill as Ray took the plate of steaks to the patio. Gerard and Spencer followed suit. As they entered the patio they saw a table with five chairs and the two couches. The table was laden with baked potatoes, carrots, green beans, and two pitchers of tea and two liters of Coke and Pepsi. Gerard noticed that one of the couches was left open as everyone else sat down. Gerard smiled inwardly, looking to see Spencer blush a little. They sat down as Bob walked in and sat down between Ray and himself. Frank then called for everyone to pray for the food at the table. With all the heads bowed and eyes closed except for two, everyone blessed the food. Gerard looked at Spencer who was watching him. They smiled at each other as Spencer put his hand on Gerard's thigh. Gerard put his own on top of Spencer's.
After the blessing they all started to fill their plates and just talk about what was going on in the entertainment world. Only Gerard and Spencer were quiet, holding hands under the table and barely touching their plate of food. "So do you want to get out and go somewhere?" Asked Spencer his eyes glistened in the light. Gerard blushed slightly but nodded. They both got up causing everyone to stop what they were saying and watch them leave. Gerard lead Spencer to the door leading into the house. "Hey don't forget to use a condom." Frank blurted out causing both of them to freeze and everyone else to laugh. Gerard turned to face everyone and flipped them all off. He then turned and left with Spencer into the house and out the front door to the porch swing.
Sitting down they both were still red in the face from Frank's comment, neither one knowing what to say next. They just sat there holding hands and not speaking, guessing it would be best just to say nothing. Spencer put his head on Gerard's shoulder and closed his eyes wanting to stay like this forever. Gerard smiled and kissed Spencer's hair and leaned back rocking the swing as warm air breezed past them. They stay there not wanting move from the perfect view of mountains and trees. As they were swinging the others came around from the back passing a football and tackling eachother. Gerard laughed as Ray tackled Frank when he stole the ball from Ryan. Spencer opened his eyes as Frank screamed. "Well they just killed the mood." Said Spencer as Gerard laughed. Spencer watched as Brendon ran after Bob who then had the ball running in the opposite direction and out of the blue Jon tackled Bob causing Brendon to trip over both of them and fall. "Well do you want to go inside?" Gerard asked still laughing.
"Yes, please." Spencer answered kissing Gerard before getting up. Reentering the house and closing the door behind them Spencer and Gerard walked up the stairs and into one of the many spare rooms and shut the door. Both became a little shyer of eachother as they sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well this is a little awkward, huh." Said Gerard laughing. "Yeah, we should be use to this." Smiled Spencer. Silence ensued for a moment.
Spencer not being able to hold off his urges suddenly tackled Gerard and laid himself over him. Kissing Gerard as deeply and as passionately as he could. The whole time Gerard was kissing back. "It been to long, I need to be in you Gee." Spencer said pulling away a little. Gerard smiled. "Yeah I can see that." He said looking down between them. Both were straining against the material of their pants. Spencer blushed but smiled. "Well we should take care that." Said Spencer looking down and then back to Gerard. "Yes, we should." He replied back. Spencer kissed Gerard before getting up to shed his clothes; Gerard did the same. Spencer sat back down on the bed and leaned in to kiss Gerard softly pushing him back down on the bed. Gerard gasped for breath as Spencer gentlely massaged Gerard's scrotum. "Dear God, keep doing that." He said breathlessly. Spencer smirked a little. Taking his fingers and wetting them Spencer then carefully entered Gerard causing him to harden even more, cum seeping on the tip of his head. Gerard closed his eyes wanting more then the two fingers Spencer inserted. Spencer scissors the entrance 'til he felt Gerard's prostate causing Gerard to cum. "Damn." Gerard said biting his lips to keep of screaming. "Feel better?" said Spencer slyly. "I'd feel better if your dick was in me." Gerard retorted. Still trying to bring his mind back to earth. Spencer laughed. "Well look who's impatient." Spencer said still laughing. Gerard pulled Spencer on top of him and said. "Get inside me or I'll jump you." He breathed in Spencer's ear and kissing behind it sending shivers through him. Spencer then steadied himself above Gerard and slowly entered him.
Mean while outside on the front lawn.
As Ray caught the ball that Bob passed to him, he looked up to see the porch was empty.
He stopped running, which caused Brendon, Frank and Jon to tackle him to the ground. Ray let go of the ball letting the others take it. As the others ran with the ball Ray got up and looked for Bob, who was coming up to him. "Ray are you okay?" Bob asked as he stopped in front of Ray. "Yeah I'm fine but where did Spencer and Gerard go?" he asked Bob, who looked up at the porch and notice it was empty. "Huh, I don't know maybe they went inside to be alone." He replied getting closer to Ray so that Ray had to lean in to hear. "Come on lets finish the game then I'll treat you to something more pleasurable." Bob backed up and smiled as he turned to catch up with Ryan as Frank made another touch down for his team. For a moment Ray was just standing there his eyes glazed over, then shaking his head he ran after Bob and Ryan to play the rest of the game.
After the game the guys' came inside through the front door, tired from their game they all went into the living room and sat down. All of a sudden they heard a bang against the ceiling and all were smiling knowingly. "Well they seem to be getting along fairly well now." Said Frank smiling. A few minutes later Spencer came down to get both him and Gerard something to drink. As he stepped off the last stairs he saw everyone had turned around to stare at him. He blushed and walked on into the kitchen. Getting two cups and pouring some Coke for both Gerard and him. Walking back toward the stairs Ryan called him over. Turning towards the living room Spencer stopped a foot away from everyone. "What?" He asked wanting to go up to Gerard. "So what are you two up to?" said Frank as Spencer blushed deeply. Everyone knew of course but they really wanted details. "Well come on, Spence." Said Brendon, leaning on the arm of one of the couches. Spencer looked back at the stairs and decided to be quick about it. Rushing over to the empty space next to Mikey and setting the drinks down on the coffee table. "Well I guess get to thank all of you for doing this for me, even if I get the better part of the deal." He said looking at everyone in turn. "Your welcome Spence, just this time be good to him." Mikey said warmly with little warning behind it. "Oh don't worry I'm not screwing up this relationship again. I learned my lesson, well I better get back up there he probably wondering where I am." Spencer finished.
"Yes you could say that." Gerard said coming from the stairs making everyone in the room jump. Spencer looked up frozen to the spot. "Gerard what are you doing down here I was on my way they just wanted to talk." Spencer said feeling a little guilty. Gerard walked over and sat down in front of Spencer and lean back his legs, pulling Spencer down to kiss him passionately. Spencer kissed back moving himself down to the floor into Gerard's lap. Gerard put his arms around Spence and pulled him close. Everyone watched as things progressed more and more. 'Til Bob went over and pulled them apart. "Sorry but you two need to go to a room if your to do that." Bob said as he sat back down beside Ray. "Well if you're jealous then just make out with Ray, or are you too scared?" Gerard retorted making both of them blush. 'Fuck you, Gee." said Ray through his reddening cheeks. "No thank you Spence took care of that for me." Gerard said making Spencer blush and smack him on the arm. "Gerard Arthur Way keep your mouth shut." Spencer said through clenched teeth. "What?! That's not what you told me in the room." Gerard said as Spencer pushed him all the way down laying them both on the floor.
"You need to shush it or you just might lose sex for a month." He said not really meaning it. As a surrounding "Ohh." made it around the room. "Ahh, you wouldn't do that to me now would you?" asked Gerard putting on a fake frown. "Sorry babe but that doesn't work on me. You know that." Spencer said lying on top of Gerard. "Well a man can try can he?" he asked. Spencer responded by kissing Gerard on his nose and kissing his way down to those sweet lips. Everyone watched as Gerard and Spencer started up again forgetting that they were in a room full of people. Gerard pulled Spencer closer feeling his eagerness to do more than just kiss. As the kissing grow more passionately the others in the room decided together to tell them to stop causing them both to jump. "Sorry" they both said simultaneously. Most of the others laughed the rest just shook their heads at them. "You two are something else." Mikey said shaking his head but still smiling.
Spencer moves off of him and then moves to stand. Taking their drinks with him he heads to the stairs. Turning he looks at Gerard whose eyes had been following him. All Spencer did was wink and smile then head back upstairs without saying a word. Gerard watched as Spence disappeared from sight up the stairs. Smirking to himself he then stood up and walked over to the stairway. Turning around he looked over at his friends and smiled. "Well I'll see you all tomorrow, maybe." He said slyly. He turned back around and went up the stairs. Getting to the room he opened and walked in shutting the door behind himself. Spencer was already in bed waiting his hands behind his head watching Gerard as he came up to the bed and crawled up to him. Gerard looked down below at his beautiful angel he smiled and bent to kiss him. Spencer welcomed the kiss readily pulling Gerard down on top of him and reaching for the sipper of his pants.
To be continued......