[CROSSOVER.] I slapped it in the HnG category because more fitting options were not available. Crosses with: Tsubasa, Hunter x Hunter, and Prince of Tennis. Crack, pure and simple. See notes.
Series: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Hunter x Hunter Hikaru no Go / Prince of Tennis
Character/Pairing: ZukaFuji, sort of Shindou/Touya. I was asked for a smutty crossover fic. I don't know about the smutty, but it's definitely a wacky crossover. W00t! And look: I put Fuji and Kurapika in the same fic and there is not ONE seiyuu joke. BEHOLD MY RESTRAINT.
Not beta'd. I'm lazy.
by Mina Lightstar
Touya Akira was much too busy to think about sex. Lately, he didn't think about much that wasn't Go, or something directly in relation to Go. Not that he'd ever really thought of anything much besides Go, or anything in relation to Go.
That was probably why the couple making out on the table was at once entrancing and mortifying.
"Touya. Touya! HEY, TOUYA."
Akira started, shifting his gaze back to Shindou Hikaru. "Yes?"
"It's been five minutes since I made my move," Shindou grumbled. "Did you even see it?"
"Ah, right." Despite himself, Akira's gaze once again wandered to the table behind Shindou, where two bodies that were clearly male writhed on its surface. "Uh, Shindou... why exactly... did you want to have a match here?"
"Isn't it awesome?" Shindou asked with a grin. He gestured vaguely to the "alternative" dÃ©cor around them. "Waya was here with Isumi last week, and he told me that the music was cool and the food was good! And it's connected to this music museum and if you take the tour you get coupons for free meals. Besides," he added with a shrug, "Go salons all the time are nice, but we spend enough time in those, don't we? This is a nice change. Different atmosphere, and stuff. And this way, we don't have to go to eat after; we can have ramen right here! Or maybe something else. But probably ramen. Touya, are you listening to a word I'm saying? Touya? TOUYA. TOUYA."
"Shindou," Akira, who usually tried to be very polite, shot to his feet and pointed, "there are two high school students all over each other on that table!"
"Eh?" Shindou twisted around in his seat to observe. "Hey, you're right!" And to Akira's dismay, Shindou raised his voice to be heard over the music. "Hey, you guys!"
"Shindou!" Akira cried, horrified. "Don't interrupt them!" For a moment, Akira was utterly confused: Was it rude of Shindou to interrupt a necking session when it wasn't appropriate for them to be necking here in the first place?
"Hey, hey, guys!" Shindou started waving, as though one of them would sense the movement and look up.
Apparently, that worked. The smaller of the two glanced up, looking almost annoyed at the interruption. His blue eyes looked like they would drill through Shindou given the chance. "Yes?"
"It looks like you're undressing that guy. You've already got his shirt halfway unbuttoned."
"SHINDOU!" Akira sputtered.
The shorter boy smiled and his eyes shut, making his expression gentle and pleasant. "Well, I am."
"Idiot," the man beneath him grumbled. "You don't have to be so straightforward about it."
"It's already pretty straightforward."
"He's right, Tezuka: It is obvious. So, I should be allowed to say whatever I want, yes?"
"This kind of thing is allowed here?" Shindou wondered, still not facing Akira.
"Just about anything is allowed here," the boy named Fuji said, "so long as you pay your bill."
"I knew I shouldn't have let you talk me into this again..." Tezuka sighed, sounding put-upon.
Akira swallowed. He hadn't really noticed before, because of the low lighting, but now that he looked, several other tables had similar, ah, activities going on. "Shindou, this place is awfully loud. Maybe we should go play somewhere quieter so we can concentrate?"
Shindou turned around long enough to look aghast. "But we haven't had lunch yet!" He turned back to Tezuka and Fuji. "What do you recommend on the menu for lunch?"
"Tezuka. Ow!" Fuji winced and moved one hand to rub his bottom, aiming a pout at the boy he was sitting on. "I was kidding. The curry is good, too."
"Thanks! Sorry for bothering you."
"Oh, don't worry about it."
Shindou turned back around to grin at Akira, and Akira tried hard to ignore what was now going on at Fuji and Tezuka's table. "It's your move, by the way. How do you think we signal for service in this place?"
"Shindou, why do I let you take me to places like this?"
"I thought it would be fun!" Shindou said defensively. "Waya said he and Isumi even went on the tour and it was interesting." He pointed over to the small group of patrons making a round of the diner, led by a blond boy wearing red and white. "They even give you a tour of the restaurant and tell you all about how they made it."
"Since when do you care about things like that?"
"Well, I don't, I wanted to try the food! We can go on the tour if you want, though."
"And if you'll look to your left, you'll see some homosexuality."
"No, thank you."
"AH!" Both Shindou and Akira turned at the sound of the girl's squeak. Akira felt his heart sink a little when he saw she was pointing at them. "It's Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru!"
"D'you think they're here to make-out on the tabletops, too?"
"Oh, my god, Shindou and Touya are dating?!"
"Would they sign my Go Weekly?"
Shindou leaned over their game to speak quietly into Akira's ear. "What are Go fans doing in here?"
"What are we doing in here?" Akira replied wryly.
"Excuse me," the blond tour guide interjected, slipping in to shield them from the advancing fans, "please do not grope the other patrons."
"Excuse me," Fuji piped up, "but you're ruining the mood over here. Really, Kurapika, did you have to come around now?"
"Ah, sorry -- Syuusuke?" The blond seemed surprised. "Again? I hope you're going to leave a generous tip."
"I would if you were the waiter. When does your shift finish?"
"You stay away from me. Now if you'll all come with me, I'll show you the sushi bar. You're welcome to a sample...."
"I wish we didn't have Mokona," one of the tourists grumbled on his way by. "Then we wouldn't have to understand all this drivel."
"Do homosexuals make you uneasy, Kuro-chan?" his companion teased.
"Don't call me that!"
"What kind of restaurant has guided tours?" Akira wondered.
"I told you this place was awesome!" Shindou insisted.
"Shindou, I really--"
Akira was interrupted by a shriek of pure elation from the other side of the room, followed by an exasperated voice over a microphone, "Clean-up at table five, please."
"...Shindou. We have to leave right now."
"But we haven't eaten!"
"I'll buy you some ramen," Akira said desperately. "Just, please, let's go." Akira shot to his feet again and started gathering the Go stones.
"Excuse me," someone said into his ear. Akira jumped, and strangely wasn't relieved when he saw it was Kurapika who had spoken. "Please pay your bill at the counter."
"Oh," Shindou began, "we haven't actually--Touya!"
Akira shoved a small handful of yen into a surprised Kurapika's hands, and then gathered up the Go board as quickly as he could. Without waiting for Shindou to follow, he escaped.
"T-Touya!" Shindou called after him. "Hey, wait! Whoa, wait up!" He snatched up his own bag and gave chase.
"We all start like that," Kurapika observed, and then waved. "See you next week!"
"I might get a summer job here," Fuji added, sounding content. He was sweaty, naked, and looking completely satisfied from where he was perched atop Tezuka's limp form. "What do you think, Tezuka?"
"I think you're deranged," the serious tennis team captain managed. "And get off me. I'm stuck to the plastic of the table."
"Plastic?" Kurapika echoed, and then spun around and glared at them. "Syuusuke! I told you to at least use a tablecloth!"
"Ah... well, at least we had a table to ourselves this time."