The scissors you stain..
I was so tired, I slept like 2 hours a night this past week. Half of the night I was up drinking with the boys or drinking at some party and the other half Gerard and I stayed up discussing useless drunken shit or doing other things.
The alcohol and lack of sleep took it's toll on me, I was always tired, snappy, I wasn't eating much and physically and mentally felt like shit all the day until the night came and I could have my drink, I had constant headaches and I cured my hangovers with some more hangover, I looked horrible and had to use tons of make up to conceal the bags under my eyes and the yellowish skin tone.
I couldn't focus at all, not on my classes or on my work and found myself constantly apologizing to people for not listening when they talked.
I was cold when everyone were sweating and hot when everyone were shivering with cold.
There goes that scream again, the noise of the street was sooo annoying, couldn't people just be quiet for once?!
I spun around to see Billy yelling and running like a madman, he ran funny, flapping his arms.
"Finally!", he came to a halt, panting.
"You run funny", I wiped the sweat that formed on his forehead.
"Tell me something I don't know", he rubbed his chest.
"I'm thirsty", lately I've been so random. I said the strangest things, it seemed like my brain lost the connection with my tongue or any other organ of my body.
"Wanna go to my house? I serve the finest drinks", he breathed normally now.
I looked at my watch, it took me a while to read the blurry digits, why the fuck they're making watches so fucking tiny? Where's the sense in that?, "I have a couple of hours to kill before work".
"Let's kill it in my place", Billy put his hand on my back, pushing me to walk.
He lead me to the parking lot and then to his black BMW.
I stared at in awe, a BMW in a student parking lot wasn't a frequent sight.
I sat in the passenger seat and he started the car, he began talking.
He talked a lot, I think he asked questions too, I don't know if I answered them but he kept talking.
I wanted to sleep more than anything, I couldn't go on like this forever. I would put my foot down tonight and go to sleep early, the whole drinking thing got out of hand too, there wasn't a day of this week I was sober or hungover less.
Something red on Billy's wrist caught my attention.
"You cut?", red scars, some older, some newer were visible on his wrist.
"Yup", he didn't look ashamed or guilty, neither did he try to cover them up.
He said it like I was asking the time ,"do you?"
I showed him my white wrists and then examined them, they were really white and blue little veins were visible.
"Didn't think so", he tapped his finger on the wheel, his eyes steady on the road.
"Does it hurt?", I stretched my arm to touch his scars.
"Not anymore", he said cheerfully in the same tone, "Wanna try?".
I knew he was joking but I was curious about it, I heard about people cutting themselves but never tried it, "Yeah".
"We're here", Billy parked the car in front of fancy penthouse building.
He caught my amazed face expression, "I'm really living out the rich kid cliche, don't I? I have everything you can dream of but I still cut", there was no emotion in his voice or face.
We walked in the beautiful building, it had a big lobby and a door keeper, it was like in the movies, fancy red carpets, fancy gold sofas, big chandeliers and everything was polished and clean.
A deadly silence was ruling this place, it almost felt all these things are just for display and people didn't live there.
Billy pushed the button to his floor and we stood there in silence waiting for the elevator to arrive.
The door opened to a beautiful corridor with beautiful soft looking red carpet, and the yellowish walls were covered in astonishing art works.
Billy led the way to the end of the corridor and unlocked the door.
It was as fancy as the rest of the building except it was designed differently, with black leather sofas and red carpets and Billy's art works on the walls, I knew that because it was signed Billy at the bottom.
"You live here alone?", I sat on the edge of the black sofa, I was scared to taint it.
"Yeah, mommy and daddy are in Sweden for the year", he dropped his bag on the same sofa I was afraid to taint.
I looked around when Billy came back with a tray of champaign, glasses, chocolate and fruits, "Help yourself".
After we emptied the 2nd bottle I was completely out of it, it didn't take much to get me drunk.
Billy was still OK but I was lying on the black sofa musing about the meaning of life, "Seriously, what came first? the pencil or the pencil sharpener? Without the sharpener there's no pencils but without the pencils there's no sharpener".
"I guess we will never know", hiccuped Billy.
"So how do you cut?", I rolled on my stomach to look at him.
He sat on the armchair next to me, drinking his second mini vodka bottle.
"Are you seriously want to do it?", he tilted his head to the left.
"Fine", he got up and left the room coming back a few minutes later with a small basket.
He placed the basket on the coffee table, "You can use a razor blade, scissors or glass", he took all three of these items out of the basket.
I examined them, I noticed his hands were shaking, I guess he wasn't as OK as it seemed.
I took the scissors and held them in front of me, my hand was shaking too, "Now what?".
"Now mark a line across your wrist gently with the tip and keep cutting it", he took the razor blade and showed me.
I followed his lead, it was painful but not horribly painful.
After a while my wrist began to stung like the worst kind of scratch.
he was cutting a second mark on his wrist, the first one was already bleeding.
I cut too deeply and blood came oozing out of my wound, it was stinging and the wound swallowed.
He gave me a paper towel and looked into my eyes or at least that was what I thought he was doing because everything went blurry.
I felt like crying, I didn't feel so good. I wanted Gerard there with me.
I swallowed back my tears and watched Billy lit up a cigarette.
In a spur of the moment, I grabbed the cigarette out of his hand and sucked it like I watched Gerard do so many times before.
I began coughing, it felt like I inhaled fog and it smashed my lungs making it hard to breathe, Billy gave me a sip of the vodka.
It burned it's way down but calmed my coughing, I took another drag of the cigarette, this time the coughing wasn't that bad and soon I was able to finish it.
Then Billy lit me another.
I felt cool, but what do I know, I was drunk.
This one is a bit more dramatic than the last one but hopefully you'll enjoy it. I'm counting on your feedback!