Categories > Celebrities > Dir en grey > Lonely wishes

1

by fihsh 0 Reviews

Shinya wants Die, but he can't have him. He resorts to what he can to make himself happy, even if it's only temporary.

Category: Dir en grey - Rating: R - Genres: Angst - Characters: Die, Shinya - Published: 2007/06/06 - Updated: 2007/06/06 - 534 words

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disclaimer; i can only own the members of dir en grey in my dreams... other than that, i own nothinggggggggggggggggg.

Shinya's POV, he's having a phone conversation with Die (if you couldn't figure that out) and there's some masturbation & such.
This is only the first chapter. There will be more (I promise!!)


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Why does it have to hurt so much when you show me pictures of her? Why am I the only one of us that has to feel alone at night while you tell me about how you think she's the perfect one for you? It's not her. It really isn't, I just wish you could see that.
I turned on my bed, cursing the tears that spilled from my eyes. I wiped them away quickly, hoping you wouldn't notice over the phone.
"Shinya... Shinya? Are you there?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay?"
I wiped my eyes again and coughed a little, "Of course I am, Die."
"If you're tired... you can go to sleep or something."
"I'm fine, I promise. Don't worry about me Die, you have more important things to worry about."
"No, no, of course I'll worry about you."
"Whatever you say," I sighed softly, burying my face into the pillow. I wished that he was lying next to me instead of that stupid girl.
"God, I still can't believe it. She's so amazing! You have to meet her. I'll bring her to practice tomorrow, how about that? Does that sound good?"
"Yeah... I can't wait," I said as sincerely as I could, which turned out to be very little.
"...You sound tired, you should get rest."
"Alright," I sighed softly, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah... yeah, bye."
"Goodnight."
I stared at the phone for a few minutes, even after it said 'Call ended'. I looked down and knew that Die was straight. I knew that he had a girlfriend that he was infatuated with. I knew he could never be mine.
I knew all of this, but still, I could dream of him being mine, couldn't I? I forced the image of him over me, telling me he loved me, kissing me everywhere that made me moan.
I writhed on the bed, his name unknowingly leaving my lips. I felt his hand around me, stroking me, it had to be him. I could hear his heavy breathing, see his vivid red hair falling over his shoulders and sticking to his sweaty skin.
"Die..." I breathed; my back arching. "I love you... I love you," I repeated.
"I love you too," I heard him just as I climaxed. I felt the warm, sticky liquid run over my hand.
I fell back, my chest heaving. So it was a just dream.
I pulled my hand out of my boxers and wiped my hand off on the fabric of the bedspread. I turned over and I felt the tears in my eyes again.
How could I have resorted something so low as masturbating to my best friend's image? Tears poured from my eyes, and I got up. I moved out to the couch and laid on it, I couldn't sleep in my own bed, knowing what had happened, knowing how pathetic I was.
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