Sirius finds a startling journal written by none other than Remus J. Lupin, and is more than a little upset by the contents. Can he convince Remus that he is in no way shape or form a Monster? No s...
___________________________________________________ Oct. 5th
I knew, from even the young age I was when I was bitten, that I was a monster.
I know, more than ever now, that I have friends that would fight me on this, but it is completely true. Once a month, I transform into an animal. A raging, ghastly, carnivorous beast, that would like nothing better than to rip my friends and family limb from limb. I could destroy homes, towns, even whole cities if I tried hard enough, and even though when the morning came and the first bright rays of light lit upon my face and I would regret everything, I would still have done it. I would still have destroyed lives. And just try to tell the father of the little girl I had murdered that I was a good person most the time. Go ahead, I dare you.
I don't like being a monster. That is the difference between my type of monster and the other type.
Don't look surprised. Didn't you know? Of course there are different types of monsters. There is my kind, the kind that begs day after day ( or should I say full moon after full moon? ) that we will be able to change. That somehow, we will be able to keep our minds next time, and stop ourselves from being the monsters we are. The other type, however, is a completely different story. Reveling in the changing from man to beast is something I don't believe I'll ever understand. That these creatures would enjoy the feeling of terror only a monster could instill is... sickening. But there you have it, there are beasts like that out there... the worst sort of monster.
Compared to them, I must seem to you like a fluffy kitten, and it is those beasts, as noted above, that my friends like to call the only true monsters out there. They don't want to think that, somewhere deep inside me, there best friend, is the same drive that fuels those wolves. But they are wrong. Do I not answer to the same call from the full moon that hangs above us?
I am what I am, no matter how much I try to hide it. A werewolf. A monster. And when it comes right down to it, I doubt I will ever change.
Sirius Blacks hands were shaking, and he doubted very much that they would be stopping anytime soon. Reading this little memoir from one of his best friends was making him feel like he wanted nothing more than to walk up to said best friend give him a good slap across the head, and then a big hug.
When he had come across Remus's 4th year journal, he had known that it was probably not the wisest thing to go peaking round Remus' thoughts and feelings. What with Remus being one of the brightest wizards around, something as privet as a journal was mostly likely spelled shut and infused with all manors of curses. But shear curiosity had made him throw all thoughts of self preservation out the window. Luckily enough, there were no hexes on the book ( or, more likely, they had worn off ).
This journal was more than 2 years old ( being as they were now 6th years )and Sirius wondered if this was how Remus still viewed himself. It made Sirius want to be sick. Why? Why in the name of all that is Holy would Remus, sweet, sensitive, caring, kind Remus, ever think he was a monster? No matter what this little piece of paper said, Remus was a better person than most of the people in the Castle. This was fact, as far as Sirius was concerned.
" How terrible it's gotta be, " Thought Sirius to himself. " To believe such things about oneself... didn't he know how much everyone cares for him? Does he know it now? Does he know that it's the person INSIDE the werewolf that really counts? All this about two types of monsters, it's... it's just plain stupid! There is only one real type of monster, and that's the kind of person that ENJOYS hurting people. Even as a werewolf, our little... adventures out on the ground more than prove Moony can care. How many times has Moony played with Padfoot? Protected Wormtail? Ran with Prongs? He isn't a monster! He... he isn't."
Sirius sat the journal back in it's place on Remus's bookshelf, thinking again how unfair it was that Remus, out of all the people in the world, was stuck with this fate.
All that day, Sirius thought about what the journal said. He was asked over and over by his teachers if he was paying attention, which though was not all uncommon in itself, was rather shocking in it's numerioty. His obvious lack of attention on everything was even noticed by Peter, who wasn't the brightest himself.
That night, it was only Sirius and Remus in their dorm room, Sirius stood up in the middle of a conversation with Remus. Taking a step foreword, he wrapped his arms around Remus, and hugged him.
Remus, who had gone very very still, said in a rather worried tone, " Sirius, are... are you all right? "
" Course I'm all right, you great moron, I'm fine. Are you all right? " Asked Sirius, who still hadn't let go.
" I'm fine Sirius! What in Merlins name's gotten into you? " Remus replied, looking completely flabbergasted and his tone making it obvious that he had no idea what was going on.
" Love you, Remus. " Said Sirius, ignoring Remus' question, and whispering softly " Your like a brother to me, James and Petey Boy, and we love you."
If it was possible, Remus had gone even stiller, his eyes were wide, and he was looking at Sirius like he had just sprouted tentacles instead of arms, and was wondering if Sirius had been slipped some odd potion by one of the Slytherins.
" Um... Padfoot, your sure your feeling okay? " Asked Remus, his tone worried.
" I'm FINE DAMN IT!" Yelled Sirius, still not letting go of Remus. " But I don't think YOU are! Remus... why would you think that? It's not true Remus! It isn't! " At this Sirius back, holding Remus by the arms, obviously wanting to shake him but willing himself not to.
" What in God's name are you talking about?! Why would I think what? Sirius... what is your problem? " Remus yelled back looking more worried for Sirius' sanity by the moment.
" I read it! " Sirius spat out, pointing towards the journal. " I read the whole damn thing!"
Remus, after taking a quick look at were Sirius was pointing at, had gone even paler, his eyes widening like a startled deer. Obviously thinking about which thing Sirius had read. Remus's eyes widened, seemingly able to remember, or at least understand, were this was going.
" I'm not going to yell at you Remus, I'm not even going to ask you to explain. I just want you to listen okay? I just want you to hear me out. You are one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. You kind, giving, sweet, caring, smart, and loyal to a fault. Your a great person, and when it comes right down to it, your more of my family than anyone who's blood I share. Your not a monster Remus. Your a boy, who turns into a monster ONCE a month. And your nothing less than my best friend. I love you Remus, all the Marauders do. "
Remus was looking at Sirius like he had never seen him before and, though Remus would NEVER EVER admit it, there was a certain way his eyes glittered that made it seem as if he was holding back a tear or two.
For the first time that night, Remus returned Sirius' embrace and whispered in his ear, " You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you Sirius. "
Each stepping back, Sirius clapped Remus once on the shoulder, and Remus gave Sirius a large smile.
" What do you say to a little moonlit exploring, Padfoot? " Said a smiling Remus.
" I think that would be a rather excellent idea, my dear friend Moony." Replied a grinning Sirius.
And so, the two best friends walked out of there dorm room together, stronger and more united than ever before.
A/N Just a little story to kick off a hopefully brilliant summer. Have absolutely no idea were it came from... but there you go. If you can't say somethin nice, dont say anythying at all....BUT Would you please please review me? You have absolutely no idea how much those things affect my day. Heck, most the time I print them off, fold them up, and carry them in my pocket for the rest of the week. No joke, it totally makes chewing through the straps in the morning worth it... lol