The words just wouldn't come out.
For a moment, just a brief moment, I actually felt happy. When I woke up and thought that Ana getting in a car accident was only an elaborate nightmare, it had to have been one of the most amazing feelings I have ever had. But that soon fell apart when Kristen told me that it wasn't a dream, that she was really dead. All I can remember after that was crying, sobbing until I fell asleep. Now I am sitting on her couch , my foot wet from a leaking bag of water and my heart broken, torn and twisted like the metal of her car wrapped around the tree she ran into. Tears burned to be released but I just blinked them back, I had already cried too much. It's not like all the worthless tears I shed will bring her back, all they do is drag me down. Nothing is going to bring her back.
Sighing in despair, I reach in my pocket for my phone. It buzzed in my pocket a couple of times last night against my thigh but I didn't have the courage, or stability for that matter, to answer it. I was shocked when I looked at the mini screen on the front. It must be mistaken, I could not have seven missed calls. Who would call me that much? Then it hit me that I left New Jersey without telling anyone. They had no clue where I was, especially not the fact that I was hundreds of miles away. I felt a sudden wave of guilt as I flipped my phone open and looked at my recent calls.
Mikey 11:43 PM 6/26/06
Mom 11:57 PM 6/26/06
Mikey 12:25 AM 6/27/06
Mikey 1:13 AM 6/27/06
Frank 2:17 AM 6/27/06
Ray 2:21 AM 6/27/06
Mikey 3:59 AM 6/27/06
How many times was Mikey going to call? I guess he gave up at four when I didn't answer. There were a few new voicemail messages but I really didn't feel like listening to everyone chew my ear off about coming home. That was exactly what they were going to say too. So I slunk out on to the porch and attempted to rid myself of the guilt by calling Mikey back. It was around nine here so I guessed it was close to noon or something there. He would probably be with the band, so he'd tell all of them. I sat down in an old, splintered rocking chair out of the now visible sun and pushed button two on my speed dial. I fidgeted with the peeling white paint on the chair, now tinted yellow with age, as I waited for him to answer his cell.
"Hello?" he asked, and I opened my mouth to talk but the words seemed to be caught in my throat.
"Is anyone there?" he said, sounding slightly annoyed. Couldn't he tell it was me from the caller id? No, wait, I broke that the time we were on the tour bus and I spilled water on the front. I tried to dry it off but I dropped it and it fell down the exit steps and hit the concrete with a thud, cracking the front.
"I-it's Gee." I choke out, wondering why it was so hard to speak. I could hear him mumble something before he started speaking again.
"Gee! Where are you? I called you a million times last night!" he yelled. Pulling my phone away from my ear from the loudness, I thought about how to respond.
"It was four, actually." I say.
"It was four." I clarify. "You called me four times."
"Okay, I didn't keep count. But where are you, Gerard?!" he yelled the last part like he knew I was trying to avoid that subject.
"Well before you get mad-'
"Oh, nice way to start off," he interjected. I sighed loudly in irritation, hoping he heard me.
"Can I finish? I was saying that I have somewhere to stay and I know someone here so don't freak out, okay, but iamincalifornia." I said the last part really fast and running all the words together, hoping he wouldn't hear it.
"Why the HELL are you in California, Gee? And who are you staying with?" He practically screamed, scaring me a little.
"B-because I n-needed to tell Ana's s-s-sister something, Mikey," I whimpered into the receiver, knowing I was about to cry. I felt a lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow and my eyes were glazed over with tears.
"Oh," he said, like that would cover all the yelling he just did. I sniffled and hot tears started trailing down my face, dripping off and onto my lap. "Gee, don't." Mikey sighed.
"Don't what?" I shot defensively, wondering what he was talking about.
"Stop crying. I didn't want to yell, but you left so suddenly without telling us and I had no clue where you were. With your history, I kept thinking you went to the bar and passed out drunk somewhere!" He said, raising his voice again. That made me cry harder, I hated when he yelled at me, especially since he is younger. I got up out of the chair and limped over to the stairs, holding onto a support beam so I wouldn't fall.
"Just stop, okay?" Mikey said, obviously wanting to end this discussion.
"I can't Mikey. She's dead." And with that, I hung up.
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