It was about 3 months after Benji and the guys' left and for the first month Benji called everyday. For the first 2 weeks of the second month Benji called every other day and the last 2 weeks he called once or twice a week. Now in the third month he hasn't called at all. Your band has made a demo and a music video and you guys are getting pretty big. Joel and Dee are still together and talk all the time but Benji is never there when they talk. Allison and Billy are also still together. Brit has a boyfriend, his name is Colton and you aren't friends with Tanner, Dory, or Lindsey anymore. Your kids are good they are kind of sad every once in a while 'cause they miss Benji and so do you. Now you are just picking up the living room because it needs to be cleaned. So you are walking around picking up stuff and putting it away. Chris is watching some stupid Hollywood's hottest couples show. You are sort of watching it. One of the couples was Avril and Deryk; there were also some basketball players and a couple of other people. Then they announced the number 2 couple and it was Joel and Dee. "Oh that is so awesome I'm so happy for her" "Yea that just rocks. Lyds you should come sit down and see who the number 1 is" You go sit down and watch the t.v. Up pops a picture of you and Benji kissing and you recognize it as the picture Chris took. "Lydia Longmore from Dream Angels and Benji Madden from Good Charlotte" They pause and show a picture of you and Benji holding hands and you smile. "Would be our number one hottest couple if they were still together" They show a picture of Benji and Lindsay Lohan and your smile fades into anger. The picture shows Benji holding on to Lindsay's side and whispering into her ear. You stand up and yell "THAT FUCKING BASTARD" You take your promise ring off (You wore it all the time) and throw it at the t.v. You storm to your room, lie down on your bed, bury your head into the pillow and start bawling. Five minutes later you hear a gentle knock and "Mommy?" You calm you crying down a little and say "What baby?" "Are you ok? Can I come in?" You sniff a little "Yea you can come in" Amie opens the door and comes sit by you "Mommy what's wrong?" "Awww baby don't worry about it" "But Mommy I don't like to see you sad" She gets up on your lap, wipes away some tears and shows them to you. "See these? I don't want to see them anymore" You laugh and say, "Ok I got it Amie" You kiss her cheek and she smiles "But Mommy?" "What baby?" "Why were you crying?" You sigh and look down. She lifts your head up by your chin and says "Mommy?" You just look at her, she just reminds you so much of yourself "I saw something I really didn't want to" "What did you see mommy?" You sigh again and say "I saw Benji with his arm around another girl" "Awww mommy I am so sorry" She leans in and gives you a hug. She lets go and says "Ok mommy you can cry about that" You laugh a little and kiss her on the nose "Thanks baby" "Ok I will leave you alone now" "Thanks baby and will you tell everyone out there I'm fine?" "Yea I will mommy" "Thanks baby" "Yep" You kiss her on the forehead and she walks out. You lay down on your bed and start crying again. You cry yourself to sleep and when you wake up you just lay in bed and cry. At 12:00pm (you woke up at let's say 9:00am) someone comes in and sits down on your bed "Lydia?" You recognize it as Dee. "Hmmm?" "Are you ok?" "Mmmhmm" "Are you sure? You usually don't stay in bed this late" "Yea Dee I'm sure" "Ok but do you want anything to eat?" "No I'm fine" "Umm ok?" She gets up and leaves. You close your eyes and fall back to sleep. You wake up and see that it is pitch black so you get up and go to your dresser. You open the top drawer and pull out and object, the one that was so familiar to you when you were 12. You start walking to your bed and make that oh so familiar movement. You sit on your bed and watch the crimson liquid stain your white rug. You lie back on your bed and repeat that movement. You slowly fade into nothingness and the last thing you see is that crimson liquid dripping onto your bed. You wake up and faintly see a puddle of blood on your blanket (remember your blanket is maroon so you can't see it unless you were looking for it) You get up and look out the door. No one is awake so you go over to your dresser, pull out a black long sleeved shirt and put it on. You crawl back into bed, pull the covers over your head and try to go back to sleep. It doesn't work so you just sit there and think. (~This is you thinking~) ~How could he do that to me?!? I thought he loved me! I can't believe him! He is a fucking bastard. I loved him and he goes and cheats on me! God he makes me soo mad! How could he do that?!?~ "Look at what you made me do Benji!!! Look at what you made me do!!" You hold up your arms and then start bawling. You put your arms over your head and continue to cry. A few minutes later your crying has ceased a little and then your stomach growls but you just ignore it because you don't want to get out of bed. A while later someone comes in your room and says "Lydia wake up. I brought you some food" "I'm not hungry Chris" "Awww come on Lydia you need to eat" "I already did" You lie "You did?" "Yea when all of you were still asleep I got some cereal" ~I usually don't lie to people but I don't care anymore. That's what you did to me Benji! You made me not care!~ "Really? I didn't see a bowl or spoon in the sink" "I washed and put them away so there wouldn't be any dishes in the sink since I did them yesterday" "Umm ok? Are you going to get up today?" "I don't think so I don't feel well" "Ok well then I will leave you alone" "Ok thanks" He walks out and you just lay on your bed. You roll over and look at a picture on your nightstand. It is a picture of you and Benji. Benji has his arms wrapped around your waist, you have your hands on his and both of you are looking at each other with smiles on your faces. You grab the frame and throw it across the room. It shatters into pieces and you scream "All lies! It was all just fucking lies!" Chris, Dee, Brit, Allison and your kids come running in your room "Lydia what's wrong?" "Nothing! Just leave me alone" "Lydia?" "I said leave me alone!" Everyone starts to leave and Amie says "Mommy?" You just ignore her and she walks out the door with tears streaming down her face. You don't notice because you are to wrapped up in your depression. You stay in bed for a couple more days not eating, cutting your wrists and bawling your eyes out. One day Chris comes in with your cell "Lydia phone" "I don't want to talk to anyone!" "But Lydia it's Benji. He says that the whole picture was just a misunderstanding" "I don't give a shit what he says! I don't want to talk to that fucking bastard!" "Come on Lydia it was just a mistake" "Bull shit tell him I don't want to talk to him ever again and he can burn in hell for all I care. Now get the hell out of my room!" He walks out and you start cutting your legs because your arms are too cut up. You get up and go into your bathroom. You look in the mirror and you just look like crap. "God I'm so ugly" "No you're not mommy" You jump and turn around. Bennie is stand in the doorway and he looks so sad. Just the site of his face makes your eyes well up with tears. He goes over to a cupboard, gets a rag, gets it wet and washes the blood of your legs. It was silent for a while then Bennie said "Mommy why did you do this? I thought you said it was bad" "It is and I did it 'cause Benji made me" "He made you? How did he make you? He hasn't been around for 3 months" Bennie gives you the rag and it is all bloody "He made me mad" "Just because someone makes you mad doesn't mean you should hurt yourself" He looks up at you and you just start crying. You crouch down and get him in a hug. He starts crying and says "Mommy I don't like seeing you like this. You don't eat, you don't leave your room and you cut yourself. Mommy please stop! I really don't like seeing you like this" You look at him and seeing him cry makes you snap back to reality, to what is going on around you and what you are doing to the people you love. You start crying again and say "Ok baby I promise I will stop cutting myself and I will start eating again" he smiles and says "Thank you mommy!" He hugs you and says "Come on mommy, Brit and Dee and Assinin (That is how he says Allison) made Spaghetti and apple pie and garlic bread and they also made fruit punch" "O baby I don't think I can eat that much since I haven't ate in a while" "Ok then come have a piece of bread or something" "Ok but let me get some pants on" "Ok" You stand up and Bennie grabs your hand and takes you to your room. He lets go of you hand and walks out. You grab some pj pants, they are blue with monkeys and bananas on them (I have those pjs they are soo comfy), and put them on. You walk to the door, take a deep breath, open the door and walk out. When you shut the door everyone looks at you and gasps, yes gasps. "O my god! She is out of her room" You smile and say "Yep!" "O how cool Lydia's award winning smile!" "I'm not sure about award winning but it is a cute smile huh?" "Sure is!" "Awww thanks Allison" You go over to the couch and sit down "Lydia do you want something to eat?" "Maybe just a piece of bread because I haven't ate in a while" "You haven't?" You shake your head "Lydia!" "What?" "So you lied to us?" You nod "Why in Sam's hell did you do that?" "Because... I don't know but I'm ok now I promise so just give it a rest Chris" "But Lydia I just want-" "I told you I don't know so just drop it" "Okay Okay" So Chris gets up, gets you a piece of bread and he grabs some garlic bread for himself. Everyone else goes into the kitchen to eat while you and Chris watch Fuse (I love that channel, I'm watching it right now) "So Chris?" "Hmmm" "What did ummm what exactly did Benji say?" Chris looks at you but you just look down "He said that he isn't going out with Lindsay and that the picture was a big mistake" "Did he say what the picture was about?" "No he wouldn't tell me, he said he wanted to tell you what it was about" You nod and everyone else comes into the living room. You all decide to watch some movies. So first you guys watch Madagascar for the kids (and you because it has your favorite animal in it, A giraffe) and when the movie was over the kids were asleep. So you and Chris took them into their room. You both go sit back down on the couch and watch National Treasure. Half way through the movie you start to fall asleep until you hear a knock on the door. You lift your head up and look at the door. Chris gets up and answers the door "Is Lydia here?" That oh so familiar voice made you cringe "Yea she is come in" Chris steps aside and lets Benji in. You look at him and stand up. You start walking away but Benji comes over to you and grabs your arm. You wince a little and Benji swings you around so you are facing him. Everyone stands up and heads to the other rooms. He looks you in the eyes and snarl at him, "Benji let go of me" Benji runs his fingers up and down your arm. You close our eyes as they well up with tears. Benji turns your arm over and kisses your cuts. You open your eyes as Benji is doing this and you watch him. He keeps his lips there for a minute and when he picks his head up he looks into your eyes. You look back not saying a word. "Lydia?" You barely get out "Hmm?" "When did you do this?" He picks up your other arm and holds both of your hands "After I saw that picture on MTV" You look down at your hands along with Benji sobs welling up inside you ~Grr I hate this! I'm supposed to be mad at him! He cheated on me but all I want to do is have him hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be alright~ (Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're all right, Yeah everything is alright.) You pull your hands away and Benji looks at you then drops his own hands. You look up at him on the verge of bawling "O god Lydia don't cry" He reaches out for your arm but you swing it out of his grasp and step back "How can I not cry when you cheated on me?" "Lydia I didn't cheat on you. I swear to god I didn't cheat on you" "How can I believe you when I saw a fucking picture?!?" "Well if you would have talked to me on the phone I would've explained" "What's there to explain? A picture is worth a thousand words!" "But it was all just a misunderstanding. We were just pretending so we could get into the bar for cheaper!" "O come on Benji I would think you of all people could come up with a better excuse than that" "But it isn't an excuse it's the truth" "Bullshit you were all lovey with her and she has been saying you two are together!" Benji starts to say something but he stops, sits down and puts his head on his hands. It was silent and you just stood there glaring at Benji. Then Benji picks up his head and looks at you "Why don't you believe me Lydia? I would never cheat on you. I love you Lydia" You snarl at him "Well I don't love you" Benji looks at you, a shocked and stunned expression on his face. You look at him your expression not changing at all. He gets up and walks over to you. He stops just inches in front of you and you see tears rolling down his face. "Say it again" "What?" He gulps "Look into my fucking eyes and tell me you don't fucking love me!" His anger in that last sentence makes you jump. You look in his eyes "Benji I.... I... I can't do it!" You put your face in your hands and starts crying. Benji pulls you into a hug and you cry into his chest. "I have always loved you! I couldn't stop loving you!" "Then why don't you believe me?!?" You feel some tears hit the top of your head "I don't know! Maybe I was just pissed at you for not calling and that picture threw me over the edge" "Well Lydia I swear to all the stars in the heavens that I would never cheat on you" He kisses the top of your head "I know Benji. I know" You two just stand there, Benji holding you, for a while. Benji pulls way form you and looks into your eyes "I love you so much Lydia. I would never do anything to cause you pain. I feel just awful that the reason you cut your wrists was me" "I love you too Benji and I'm so sorry" He pulls you back into a hug and you close your eyes. Benji kisses the top of your head again and whispers, "I love you Lydia" "I love you too Benji" He pulls way and smiles. You smile back and he leans in and kisses you. You kiss him back ~O god I've missed this~ Benji pulls away and as if reading your thoughts says "God I've missed that" You smile and say "Me too" You lean in, kiss him and run your hands up his arms to his neck. Benji moves his hands to your back and holds on tight not wanting to let go. You pull away and just look into his eyes searching every last bit of him make sure he isn't lying. "Lydia I swear to you I'm not lying" You smile and say "I know Benji" You quickly kiss him then put your head on his chest and whisper "I know" You open your eyes and see that everyone is watching you and Benji. You laugh and lift your head up. Benji looks at you "What?" You smile and point to everyone. He laughs and says, "Enjoy the show guys?" Bennie comes into the living room and says "No! There was too much mean people and then there was too much lovey dovey stuff" "O sorry Bennie but that is just how adults are" "Well I don't like it" Everyone comes in and sits down. You and Benji just stand there looking at each other and grinning "Wow I didn't realize how much I missed having you in my arms" "I realized how much I missed being in your arms" "I'm so sorry Lydia. I didn't mean to hurt you" "Benji it wasn't your fault. It was mine and stupid MTV's" Benji laughs and says "Well I'm still sorry" "Benji babe don't worry about it" You kiss him on the cheek and he smiles. "Mommy?" You look down and see Amie "What baby?" "I tired" "Well then why did you get up?" "A-cause you and Benji were yelling to loud" "Awww Amie baby I'm sorry. Me and your mom didn't mean too" Benji crouches down and picks Amie up. "Want me and your mom to put you back to bed?" Amie nods "Ok just let me get Bennie and we can put both of them in bed together" You look over to the couch and see that Bennie is sleeping. "O how cute" Benji turns around and smiles. You go over to the couch and pick Bennie up. He stirs a little and you say "Shhhh it's ok mommy's just taking you back to bed" "OK mommy" He puts his head down on your shoulder and you and Benji take your kids to their room. You both put them in their bed and sit down on their bed "I love you mommy" "I love you too guys" "I love you Benji" Benji's face lights up with happiness "Awww guys I love you too" "Night guys" "Wait mommy, Benji!" "What guys?" "Will you sing us a song?" "Yea sure what song do you want us to sing?" "Ummm.... I don't know but I don't want a lullaby. I want a good song like one of the ones that play on the radio" "Ok how about Hold On?" Benji groans "What Benji? Don't you want to sing that song?" "I really don't want to but I will for you guys" Amie and Bennie smile "Thanks Benji!" "Yep. So Lydia where are we going to start?" "Umm lets start at the very beginning" "Ok" "This world This world is cold But you don't You don't have to go You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care Your mother's gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bear But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know Your days You say they're way too long And your nights You can't sleep at all Hold on And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know Don't stop looking, you're one step closer Don't stop searching, it's not over Hold on What are you looking for? What are you waiting for? Do you know what you're doing to me? Go ahead... What are you waiting for? Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know Don't stop looking, you're one step closer Don't stop searching it's not over Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know Hold on" After you two get done singing you notice that Amie and Bennie have fallen asleep. You kiss both of them on the forehead and stand up. Benji does the same and you grab his hand and take him into the living room. Benji pulls you over to the couch and makes you sit on his lap. "Geez did you miss having my big fat butt on your lap?" "Yes I missed having your sexy tight butt on my lap" You laugh and say "Ok" As you are sitting there watching t.v. Benji's hands start wandering all over your legs. You smile and look back at Benji but he is just watching t.v. You look back to the t.v. and move one of your legs so you can play with his. You start rubbing and tickling his leg. He smiles the moves his hand to your butt and squeezes it. You smile, squirm and look at Benji. He smiles at you and you run your hand along the inner part of his leg while looking at him. His smile widens when you get higher up his leg. You laugh slightly then move your hand back to you lap and move your leg back. You go back to watching t.v. and Benji starts kissing your neck "Benji quit!" "NO! I've missed this so much" "Well" You get up to his ear and whisper "We can do that stuff later in the bedroom." You sit back up and Benji smiles. You watch t.v. for about half an hour then Benji whispers in your ear "Can we go into the bedroom now?" You laugh and look at him. He gives you his famous puppy dogface and you sigh. You stand up and say "Ok come on" He stands up and grabs your hand "Guys me and Benji are going to bed" "Ok night guys" "Night" You two walk into your bedroom and as soon at you shut the door Benji pushes you up against it and starts kissing you. Startled but not at all unpleased you kiss him back. Benji slowly wraps his arms around your back and you wrap yours around his neck. Benji rubs his tongue along your lip requesting the kiss to deepen. You open your mouth and let Benji's tongue in. He starts exploring your mouth and rubs on all the right places to make a soft moan come out of your mouth. Benji smiles through the kiss and runs his hands down your back to your butt. He squeezes lightly and pulls you up by your butt cheeks. You jump up and wrap your legs around his waist. Benji walks over to your bed and lays you down all without breaking the kiss. He straddles your waist and continues to kiss you. He breaks away from you and looks into your eyes. "I love you so much Lydia. There is no one on this fucking planet that I would want to be doing this with more than you." You smile and say "I love you too Benji and I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else either" He smiles then leans down and starts kissing your neck. He slides his hands under your shirt and the feel of Benji's hands gives you goose bumps. He runs his hands back down your stomach, grabs the bottom of your shirt and starts pulling it up. He pulls away from your neck and pulls your shirt off. As soon as it is over your head Benji goes back to kissing your neck. He works his way down your chest to your stomach. He starts licking around your bellybutton and you laugh slightly. He lifts his head up and smiles at you. You smile back and lean up and give Benji a kiss. You lay back down on the bed and Benji whispers, "I love you Lydia" "I love you too Benji" Benji gets off of you, strips down to his boxers and gets back in bed with you "Night Lydia" "Night Benji" Benji wraps his arms around you and for once, in three months, you feel safe so you fall into a dreamless sleep.
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