Story Excerpt: 'Our faces now only centimeters apart, our eyes shutting as he presses his soft lips onto mine. A feeling of confusion and happiness mix inside of me. The feeling sends shocks throug...
-Hold Me and Tell Me, "We'll Burn Like Stars. We'll Burn As We Fall."
I watched Brendon as he strummed his guitar, wrist flicking, his fingers moving quickly to make the right chords. I rested my head on the door's frame staring intently, noticing every part of his being. His brown eyes focused on his beautiful playing, not even acknowledging my presence in his room.
I sigh sadly and decide to move closer, taking a seat on his bed. The playing stops and he looks up. His eyes turn directly to the cloth I'm holding on my bare shoulder. He moves his chair closer to the bed, we're less than a feet apart. His eyes now turn quickly to mine, studying me as if I'm a line he can't seem to memorize.
"Can I see it?" He asks quietly. I look him over and reply yes with a short nod. He sets his guitar down from off his lap and he moves next to me on the bed. He removes the wet cloth and looks over the cut and bruises. Brendon bites his bottom lip and runs his finger over the fresh wound. His face appears worried as I watch him. I try not wince as he puts pressure on the spot.
"It's not bleeding anymore." He says setting the cloth down. I nod again and continue to watch his every move. We sit there in silence for a while, not muttering any words to one another. There wasn't much to say, it was becoming a routine by now.
"Ry, I'm sorry." He says softly breaking the silence after a few more moments.
I shake my head slowly and look at him. "No, you couldn't stop him. It's not your fault."
He sighs. "I know. It's not yours either, though."
I shrug my shoulders and let out a small, confused laugh, wondering if there is any truth to that. "I don't know, Bren. I really don't know anymore." He nods listening as I continue. "It's pathetic. I'm the only one who can help him, but I don't know how."
Brendon is rendered speechless. He's still looking at me as a warm tear rolls down my cheek. I turn away and bring my hand up to rub the wetness from my eyes. I hate him seeing me like this. I feel so small and scared.
I turn back to him with another chuckle. He replies with a questioning look. "I was never good enough for him," I say shaking my head. "He always expected more, but I could never give it to him."
"Ryan," Brendon starts boldly, "You can't blame yourself for your father's problem. You're not the one forcing him to keep drinking."
"Yeah, well, I'm not the forcing him to stop either, am I?" I shot back. Brendon looked taken back. He turns his head to the floor. I let out a sigh and close my eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just sort of hard to talk to people about this."
"It's okay." He says. I opened my eyes and he continues. "It's not something most people can openly talk about usually."
"Thanks," I tell him. "Most people don't understand that."
He shrugs and stands up. "Well, I'm not most people."
I nod and watch him move to the window. "That is true."
"Yeah." He whispers softly, leaning against the window's frame. He turns back to me smiling, and says, "Come look at this."
I get up from the bed and walk towards him. "Look." He whispers pointing at a few colorful explosions in the sky.
I move closer and get a better look. "Fireworks?" I ask him confused.
He nods. "Yeah, the neighbors are having a party."
"Wow," I smile amazed "They're beautiful."
"They are," He smiles back, agreeing. "Want to get a better look?"
I nod. "Okay, sure."
He moves off the frame and pulls the window open with no effort. I continue to watch him in confusion as he sticks one of his legs out. He looks back at me. "Are you coming?"
My eyes widened. "What?"
He laughs, "Just like stars, fireworks always look better on the roof."
I shake my head at the idea and bite my lip. "No, I don't think we should, Brend."
"Course we should." He sticks his other leg out and turns his body so, his back is no longer facing me. I nod worried and adjust myself so I'm in the same position as he was just a few moments before.
Brendon dangles his hand in front of my face for me to grab. I look at him and know he's sincere. "Okay." I nod taking his hand in mine, gripping it tightly. "Don't worry. I'm right here. I've got you."
We begin to walk along the side of the house, balancing ourselves, being careful not to fall. Brendon turns his head towards me. "I'm going to let go so I can get on the roof, hold onto the house."
I nod, grabbing a hold of the house as he lets go. I watch him rest a hand on the house, pushing his body onto the roof. When all of his body is on the roof he seats on his knees and leans back over the edge.
"Okay, give me your hand again and I'll help you up." I take it just like he tells me and I hold it tight, trusting Brendon with my life. I take my free arm and push myself up. Along with Brendon's help I'm finally on the rooftop sitting next to him.
"Thanks." I say letting go of his hand.
He smiles and nods. "No problem."
"Wow, it's amazing up here." I say resting my elbows back and watching the various fireworks.
"Yeah, just wait til we have to get down." Brendon jokes. I roll my eyes and elbow him in the side. He smirks.
"That's not funny." I say eyeing him seriously. I looked away from him, turning back to watch the fireworks.
"Brendon is sorry." He apologizes.
"It's alright. Ryan forgives you."
I lean back and close my eyes thinking of how great it felt to be away from my problems. Even if it was only for a few minutes, it really felt perfect.
I then heard Brendon's body shift closer to mine. "Are you tired?" He whispers.
I smile and shake my head answering, "No. I'm just thinking." I sat up, pulling my legs closer to my body and hugging them tightly. He nods, and for the next few minutes we sit silently watching the sky and thinking.
Then in expectantly he turns to me and says, "You don't deserve this." I turn to him as well with a question look, not knowing for sure what he means. He continues to explain, "You're an amazing person, Ry. You don't deserve to have this happen over and over again to you." I feel Brendon lay his warm hand on top of mine.
I look from our hands back to him, shocked by his sudden action. I blinked a few times and reply, "I uh, I'm not sure what to say, Bren. You're sort of confusing me."
He slides his hand off mine. I watch his facial expressions trying to decipher if he's hurt or confused. Brendon then brings his hand up to my face, holding my jaw. I take a deep breath and shut my eyes as his fingers caress my cheek. As I opened them, our brown eyes lock immediately.
I open my mouth to say something but he interrupts. "Shh." He whispers quieting me. "Let me do this, please." My eyes still focused on his, I nod.
Our faces now only centimeters apart, our eyes shutting as he presses his soft lips onto mine. A feeling of confusion and happiness mix inside of me. The feeling sends shocks throughout my entire body making me want more.
I react slowly at first, kissing him back. I can feel Brendon begin to smile into the kiss as it becomes heavier, letting me know he's feeling the same way as I am. He starts to massage my bottom lip with his tongue. I open slowly, letting him dominate, knowing that's what he wants.
A few seconds later our lips pull away, my jaw drops as he removes his hand. I recover from the kiss and begin to notice he's staring at me, waiting for some type of response but I'm speechless.
"Did you feel it?" He asks staring into my eyes.
I reply with a nod. "Yeah, I did." He laughs a little, sweeps my bangs to the side of my face and looks up at the fireworks. With all the sudden commotion I realize I had forgotten about them.
I watched Brendon, still in a state of some shock. "What do we do now?" I asked quietly.
He shook his head. "I don't know, Ryan. You've got a lot on your plate already; let's not add this. We'll talk about it later."
He continues staring in the other direction. "When's later?" I ask.
He turns to me. "Don't worry about us right now. We've got forever, Ryan and I'm not going anywhere." He assures me. "Take time and focus on your dad, he's what's most important."
"But, Brendon I-"
"Ssh, Ry. Everything will turn out just fine." He reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers together. "Just watch the fireworks with me."