It's nothing personal, just a...
I flung my hands to my mouth to stop the scream that was about to escape my throat and let the horror wash over me in a big sickening wave.
Billy lay on the bed with papers all around him soaked in blood from his slitted wrists.
his eyes were closed and red, his mouth was slightly opened and his head tilted to the right, in one hand he clutched a medicine bottle, it was empty and in his other hand was an empty vodka bottle.
I gasped and moved deeper in the room, I moved slowly.
Bottles of drugs and booze was scattered all over the floor, they were all empty.
Everything was soaked in blood.
"Billy?", I felt like something was holding my throat and preventing me from breathing but it was only the knowledge that he wouldn't answer me.
Mikey still stood frozen at the door way, he wasn't even blinking.
I took a deep breath and held it, I checked Billy's neck for his pulse.
When I couldn't feel anything I backed away and stared at Mikey, he stared back at me, "I can't feel it".
Mikey fished for his cell in his pocket, his movements were sharp and clumsy, I could see his hands shake when he dialed for ambulance.
They came fairly quickly, I guess if you're a paramedic you don't have problems with the elevator.
One of them screamed into his radio, "22 years old white male, suicide attempt, weak pulse".
The words echoed in my head, suicide suicide suicide.
It sounded like in the news, 22 years old white male suicide attempt, weak pulse. Nothing personal, just a suicide attempt.
Nothing special behind this fact, no family, no petrified friends. Just a suicide attempt.
They knew shit, we're just figures and numbers to them.
None of us have names or life story or bleeding hearts, we're just name, sex, skin color and one suicide attempt.
Mikey held me tight, no matter how hard I pressed myself to him I couldn't run away from the words echoing in my head.
They put Billy on the stretcher and rushed him out of the the room.
I started to cry into Mikey's chest, I felt so overwhelmed and scared.
It felt like I was dreaming it.
"Don't cry sweetie, he'll be OK", Mikey gulped.
I felt bad for putting Mikey in this situation, he felt like he had to be brave for me, he didn't even know him.
But Billy was so alone, he probably was like this for 3 days, dwelling in his misery and no one cared.
One of the paramedics returned to the room, "Are you the ones who called?".
"Friends? Family?", he took out his notepad.
"Friends", I whispered.
"Sorry", he put his head to my mouth.
"Friends", I said louder.
"What's his name?", he scribbled something in his notepad.
"William", I shivered.
He took a look at me, "Come with me I'll give you something to calm you down" .
I nodded but my legs wouldn't move so Mikey pushed me gently.
He took us to the ambulance, he gave us both blankets and some white pills and made us seat in the front because they needed to talk to us after we calmed down.
I sat on Mikey's knees because there was no room.
The ambulance pulled and started rushing through New York to some hospital
I didn't move or speak, I just sat there looking at the road ahead.
We arrived quicker than I thought, Billy was rushed to ER by two paramedics and the one who questioned us before took out his notepad again, "Feeling better?", he smiled.
"OK, so what happened?", he put the pen above the notepad and prepared to write.
"He didn't show up for school for 3 days so I went to visit him and we..We found him like this", I tried to look past him to see where were they taking Billy.
He nodded, "Was he depressed?".
I gulped, he used to cut a lot, even when I stopped and he drank a lot. Did it mean he was depressed?, "Of course he was. No one did it for fun".
"Did what for fun?", the paramedic frowned.
"He was", I tilted my head to the left.
"Can you please leave her alone? Can't you see she's upset?", Mikey grunted behind me.
The paramedic studied him, "And who are you?".
"His gay lover", he snapped.
The paramedic scribbled that down.
"Mikey!", I exclaimed, turning around to face him, "Don't do that".
"So um, you cheated on him with her?", the paramedic was eyeing us.
We both cried at the same time.
"Look mister we're both stressed out, can you do this some other time", I rubbed my forehead.
The paramedic sighed and walked away.
We sat in the waiting room, "Maybe I should call Spencer?".
"I would call his father but I don't know the number", I yawned, I felt really sleepy all of the sudden.
"Your mom probably has his number", Mikey's voice echoed in my head.
"She's the last person I want to see here", I closed my eyes and blacked out.