Truths and Revelations
"Need" Part 13- Less is more, except when it comes to mistakes
We're turning our clocks back
We're just never ourselves
So go with the flow
Pete got home and immediately retreated into himself, going to his office to sit and think, while Kayli took a seat on the couch, feeling like things weren't working out as well as she had hoped. She had hoped that in the revelation of their happy news, Pete would have been ecstatic about telling everyone he was going to be a father, she thought he would be calling his parents to tell them "oh by the way...", she could have a baby shower at the end of the fall tour and everyone would be happy. She was never glad to see Pete go away, even if it was to the next room and back, but she thought maybe the time apart would be good for them, maybe he'd miss her enough that he would be able to face the world a little differently.
For a relationship, especially a new one, its never good to hope on someone changing, and Kayli knew that, but she also knew that the feelings she had for Pete were a once in a lifetime kind she would fight to hold onto if necessary, but she was tired of him pulling away when things weren't working out in his mind, she wanted him to be able to confide in her, especially when the situation included her. Annoyed, Kayli reached down and rubbed her belly, thinking about how each month she would keep getting larger and larger, soon she would be a mom and she would finally have the family she had always dreamed of having. She heard footsteps coming back up the stairs, but kept her seat, Hemmingway running over to check on her before taking his place on his couch for a nap. Hemmingway seemed to have changed lately, he wasn't his usually air headed self when both Kayli and Pete were in the same room now, he kept looking at Kayli curiously, as though he knew something were different about her and he kept a close eye on the way Pete had changed his mannerisms around Kayli. He was touching her a little more softly, talking to her a little more gently and holding her a lot closer.
Pete had always been protective of Kayli, even since their first night together. He would always watch her, his own paranoid behaviors of past relationships and regrets rubbing off on this new relationship that he knew to be different. It had to be different, he had done the irreversible, the wrist-tying, end of the line, till death do us part bond. The whole time the only thing he was most concerned about was the backlash, the response to his choice, after all he just wanted to protect Kayli, to protect his now growing family, was he so wrong? The minute he was told for sure that Kayli was pregnant, he felt the world sort of flip over on its axis. The life he once knew, the future he once envisioned, now had to be completely rethought and completely changed. He had to be thinking about a baby now; child proofing his house, car seats, changing tables, baby formulas, diapers and all kinds of things that were complete Greek to him. He wasn't sure he was ready, at the age of twenty eight, to be a father. Some people were born for it, like Patrick, and it was an innate knack for fathering, for the ability to want to be there for someone else like a child. Pete didn't know if he had that in him right now. He knew that he had it in him for some day, sometime in the future, but right now? Maybe this was all happening to quickly...
"Did you finally calm down a little?" Kayli asked Pete as he walked to the kitchen. Pete felt himself tense up at her patronizing, but decided it best to let it slide off his back.
"Yeah, thanks..." he said, staring into his bone bare refrigerator. He shut it, realizing that nothing was going to magically appear inside and walked around to see Kayli sitting on the chair Hemmingway had thoroughly destroyed, with her eyes closed, her breath even, hands clamped across her tummy. Pete felt like taking a picture, this is how he wanted to remember Kayli forever, content and happy. He reveled in the chills she gave him, in the grin he felt was now forever plastered to his face. Happiness, he had found, was in another's soul, an answer he had been searching for so long, a puzzle finally complete. He walked to her, sitting down on the floor at her feet, resting his head on her thigh. He watched her chest rise and fall and felt a tingle go up his back when she began gently running her fingers across the back of his head. Reaching up to smooth her hair down, Pete felt himself sigh, although he wasn't sure if it was out of contentment, frustration or confusion.
"Just let it out, honey," Kayli said softly. He lifted his head, looking over at Hemmingway, who had his eyes open, carefully watching the couple.
"Are we really ready for this, Kayli?" he began, turning his attention to her, "A baby? We've barely gotten a chance to be married, you don't even live with me. I'm sure the rumors have already gotten out of hand, I just don't know how to deal with all of this." Kayli sat up straight and Hemmingway jumped off his couch, sliding over to her.
"That's what our life is about now, Pete. I don't know how to deal with it either, but we can do it together, I promise, everything is going to be okay. Maybe not now, maybe not any time in the immediate future, but we are definitely going to be okay," she said, suddenly realizing that maybe she wasn't so sure. Her last statement was sort of a reassurance to herself. She had only known Pete for eight months, they had only been married for two weeks. "...oh my god, I'm going to have a baby. Pete, our life is going to change forever." Pete felt himself get white at Kayli's sudden revelation, now she wasn't even sure.
"We can't do this. It's too soon," Pete said standing up. Hemmingway jumped in alarm, the movement startled him out of a small nap. Kayli stood too, following behind Pete as he paced to his bedroom.
"What do you mean we can't? Why can't we? Yeah, it will be challenge, but we can do this. What do you propose we do instead?"
"I don't know! I mean, we can't get rid of it....can we?"
"No!" Kayli yelled immediately. She huffed loudly, pissed it was even a thought. "Peter, I want this baby. I really do...it just suddenly hit me, you know? All of the planning that needs to happen, the preparation...are you not going to help me?" Pete turned around and stared at her. She looked so desperate, standing there with her face flushed, he could tell he really startled her.
"Of course I'm going to help you, I just...I'm still a kid, yeah I'm 28, but I'm still a kid. I don't know if I can do this, I've never given a family like this too much thought, I've been too busy worrying about myself to even consider the possibility of having to worry about another life that's absolutely going to depend on me to survive," Pete said. He sat on his bed, looking out the sliding glass door to his backyard, imagining it with a jungle gym, swing sets and toys strewn all over the place. His spare bedroom would have to become the baby's room, and he was going to have to sacrifice all kinds of things he just didn't feel prepared to give up yet. Then it hit him: Pete Wentz was going to have to grow up...
I'm writing this tell you all, in plain words, the rumors you have been hearing are true. So let me tell you all the straight truth: I, Peter Wentz, have been married for three weeks. My wife is three months pregnant and we are expecting a child sometime in the month of February. We felt in the beginning that this was the best decision for us, to be able to learn about each other without so much as a tainted view from various news sources, biased opinions and rumor mills. I wanted to be able to tell you all this news myself, when the timing was correct and unfortunately, the news came when I wasn't prepared.
I do not regret our decision to keep our marriage a secret, my only regret is that it didn't stay a secret longer. I was hoping to be able to enjoy my new found stability without everyone watching our every move, but I'm sure, as well as I hope I know my fans, you guys will give us the amount of privacy that we need.
I know a lot of you are going to blame me or my wife for my lack of honesty, but I feel that as this is my life, I am forced to make all of my own decisions and to do what is best for me and my growing family. I will apologize for anyone who feels betrayed or isolated by my decision to keep this personal matter entirely personal, but as someone in the eye of the public, it is also my job to understand how each thing I do effects my fans and the people around me.
I hope you all will continue to support me, my endeavors and Fall Out Boy. My fans mean the world to me and I would be absolutely nothing without you guys, don't fail me now.
Excuses are better
A practical exchange
Or a trade for the truth