The things we do, the people we can't save.
"Gerard", I threw my hands around his neck.
He held my head and kissed my hair.
"It was so scary, all the blood", tears welled in my eyes.
"It's OK Sky, I'm here, you're not alone", he whispered in my ear.
"What are you doing here?", I frowned.
"Mikey called", Gerald wrapped his arms around me.
Bless Mikey, he always knew what I needed.
"Where's he?", I looked around, expecting to see him pop around any minute.
"Went to get coffee", Gerard looked in the cafeteria direction.
Some doctor marched past us, I jumped off the chairs, "Excuse me!".
He turned around.
"Do you know anything about Billy Relitz?", I came closer to him.
"You're his...?", he watched me with his hands in his pockets.
"His friend", I felt Gerard followed me.
"He's not very good darling, we're doing the best we can", he gave me a sympathetic look and walked off.
I turned around, I felt numb.
I opened my mouth to say something than closed it again. Gerard led me back to the chairs.
"I don't want to die", I blurted.
I saw pity in Gerard's face, "You won't die".
Tears streamed down my cheeks without me even noticing, "He was so lonely, no one knew what was going on. He just kept everything to himself and no one cared, no one wondered what's going on".
"But you've got me and I swear that for as long as I'm alive you won't ever feel like this", Gerard squeezed my hands.
"But I do! I feel alone and I don't want to share. I know no one cares! I'll end up just like Billy, another name, sex and age and everyone will forget me!", I sobbed uncontrollably into my hands.
"Stop it!", he raised his voice and tore my hands from my face, "How can you say that?? I love you more than life itself! How can you think this way Skyler?".
I whimpered, "I'm nothing but trouble, my mother was right I shouldn't been born at all, I'm useless. I couldn't save Billy, I can't even stop you from drinking".
"Skyler", he copped my head in his palms, "Listen to me! You're everything to me! And just know that if you ever go, I'll go with you because there's no point of me breathing without you! Did you hear me?".
I shook my head violently, "That's a lie! That's a fucking lie!".
"Baby", he hugged me tight, "Listen to me, just listen to me, OK?"
I nodded, trying to gain control over myself again.
"You couldn't save Billy. It isn't your job to save anyone. He had issues you couldn't help him with, OK?", he made me look into his eyes, "And as for me, I drink now but have you got any idea where would I be if it wasn't for you?".
I shook my head like an idiot.
"I don't know either", he sighed, "But nowhere good, that I can promise you".
I gasped, "Everything I touch turns into evil"
I was histerical, everything that happened in the past year caught up with me, I was inches away from being where Billy was, I could have been there covered in blood instead of Billy. I felt guilty, was I better than Billy? Why I managed to hold on and he didn't? Did he deserved it? All the pain and hurt? And why I didn't? I never went to church, I was bitch, why is he there with people in white robes fighting for his life and I was in Gerard's arms?
I slid down to the floor and cried my heart out.
After my head started pounding I stopped crying.
I don't know what happened to me, I usually tried to keep my cool but this time I just let go.
But then again finding your friend half dead can do this to you.
"Babe, I think we should go home", Gerard brushed the hair from my red wet face.
"I can't", I whispered.
"You're totally worn out, you can't help him anyway, let's go take a shower, take a nap and come back tomorrow", he kissed me.
I hated him to see me like this, out of control, helpless, he had enough on his plate without me loading some more shit.
"But then he'll be alone again", I sniffled.
"They probably called his family by now", he stood up pulling me up with him.
"I'm so tired", I swayed on the spot.
"I know honey, come home", he didn't let me go.
I kept worrying about Billy even when Gerard cuddled me in his arms.
My sleep was restless, I kept waking up in terror throughout the night, sometimes I thought I could hear Billy scream for help, sometimes because I dreamt about Billy's lifeless body covered in blood laughing.
I got up early in the morning and Gerard took me to the hospital.
I was relived to hear that he was just sleeping now, they wasn't sure he'll make it through the night but towards the morning he was out of the danger zone.
We sat in the waiting area in front of Billy's room, he had doctors with him so we weren't allowed to go there.
Billy's dad and Spencer were there too, his dad looked like he was 10 years older, Spencer just looked pale.
After a few hours the doctors came out, "He's fine now but he'll need a close psychological attention".
His dad and Spencer went first, I heard Billy's screams and his dad's voice then again screams.
Gerard and I exchanged looks, "At least we're sure he's alive".
Gerard looked at the closed door, "He's really piece of shit, isn't he?".
"Gerard!", I exclaimed.
He just shrugged.
The screams died out, Charlie stormed out and stumped his way to the exit, Spencer shut the door after him and leaned on it.
I got up and hugged him, he held on really tight and buried his face in my chest.
Gerard pulled us apart, if looks could kill Spencer would be so dead!
"What happened?", I asked really quickly, I was afraid Gerard would make a scene. Sure Spencer was horny as hell but it wasn't the place or the time.
"I don't know, the minute we walked in Will started screaming at us", he shrugged.
"Want to stare at my boobs?", Gerard asked innocently.
Spencer blushed and said a quick goodbye.
"Gee", I sighed.
"I'm so not digging this family", he shook his head.
"I'm going in", I took a deep breathe.
"I'll wait here", he sat on the blue waiting chair.
"Behave", I kissed his nose.
He shrugged and tapped his foot on the floor.
OK so it's pretty intense, hopefully not too over the top. so i'd like to know what do you think!