Living a lie can take it's toll on you..
His gaze rested on the window which filled the room with warm light, I knew Billy hated that.
"You want me to close the window?", I smiled.
He ignored me, still staring at the window.
I sat on the bed and stared at him.
His jaw was clenched, "Why did you do this?", his voice was monotone.
"What?", I frowned.
"Saved me. Did I look like I wanted to be saved?", he still didn't look at me.
"The blood was a big clue", I tried to joke.
"I wish you would've stayed out of this", he turned his eyes on me.
Lucky for me and Spencer that looks can't kill.
Billy's eyes were so cold yet so full of pain.
"Billy", I wanted to run out of the room, he scared me, "What happened?".
"I didn't want to live, can you imagine my surprise when I woke up?", his eyes were watery.
"Why not?", I shifted uncomfortably.
"Because my whole life were a lie, a big fat financial lie!", he covered his face with his hands and sobbed.
I was lost for words.
He slapped the tears from his face, he literally slapped them away, "I found some letters and documents. 22 years ago my parents married as part of some big plan to save the family company from losing everything, they never dated, they met on July 14 and married on the 15. The whole point was to save the company and produce a heir which is me, Spencer is a mistake. They had a contract that said that they can see other people as long as it's not publicly known and they can divorce once their oldest son turns 18 and the company's future was secure".
My jaw was hanging.
"My entire life was a lie, they didn't even divorce because they hated each other, they did cause they never wanted to live with each other and now they were allowed", he turned his head to the window again, "And my brother was a mistake because they didn't need him for the business, everything was planned out".
I bit my bottom lip, saying nothing.
"Don't bite your lips now Skyler, you should just let me die there. You out of all people should have known I want it this way", he let his tears roll down his cheek.
"Billy", I whispered.
"Don't say anything please", he was crying now, "Can you imagine the irony? I was born to save the company, as a result I almost killed myself. At least they had my brother as plan B. And he loves them so much! Always daddy there mommy here! Fucking liars! How could they do this to me? To him? How could they pretend? They were strangers!".
My heart went out for him, he looked so miserable.
"How do I tell him? How do I crush him? Do I let him live in his lie? In the lie our so called family created for us? Where I go from here Skyler?", he was almost as histerical as I was yesterday.
I lowered my eyes to my hands, "You're their son no manner why they got married".
"Save the bullshit Skyler! I was part of a business plan, they had a whole time line planned out, they had to have a son 3 years from the day they got married", he rolled on his stomach, knocking some of the monitors down and buried his face in the pillow.
I heard the door open and Gerard's face peek through it, I mouthed to him that everything is fine and motioned him to close the door.
Billy was crying into his pillow too hard to notice.
"Come on Billy", I whispered.
"I can't do this anymore! I won't do this anymore! Make it all go away", he threw the pillow across the room, "Why me? First that fucking bitch than this! I can't do it anymore!".
I gulped, cold sweat trickled down my body.
"Help me die Skyler! Please!!!", his eyes were bluer than I've ever seen them, they had a desperate spark, unnatural, "Help me die!", he hit his head with his fist, "Make it go away!".
"Billy", I rushed to him and wrapped my arms around him.
"Help me die!", he cried on my shoulder, "Help".
I didn't know what to say, I would be such an hypocrite to say to him to hold on cause god knows I didn't want to hold on too many times.
"It'll get better. I know you don't see it right now but it will", I rubbed his back.
Some doctors came rushing into the room and pulled us apart, they pushed me outside the room, Billy's last words were 'Help me die'.
I was emotionally drained, I let Gerard drag me home, I let him lay me on the bed.
He laid next to me, stroking my hair gently, never letting me out of his sight.
I was a living dead, a zombie.
My brain did it's usual functions except for feeling or thinking.
I was afraid to think, I tried to postpone that forever, never think again. That would be comfortable.
Gerard was an angel! He kept everyone away from me, even Mikey. I heard them having a fight about it.
I felt sick, death was so close, I could feel him there, lurking in the dark, smirking at me.
He took my father away, he stained Billy, who's next?
He kept me on my knees. Bowing, excepting his power.
I went to visit Billy a week later, Gerard wasn't happy about it but he took me there.
Billy was looking better, that desperate spark was gone.
"Can you believe it? They're drugging me to keep me safe", he giggled, "If I knew I'd get so much drugs for free I would have tried to kill myself sooner".
I smiled awkwardly, "Have you talked to your dad?".
"My dad?", he frowned, "Oh Charlie, yeah he wanted to lock me in rehab again".
"You're going?", I sat on the armchair in the corner.
"As if! fucking liar, told him I don't want to know him", he smiled a goofy smile, "He was a perfect businessman and shook my hand. You know they have some pretty good stuff here, I can snick you some".
I shook my head, "What's now?"
"I'm going away", he painted something in the air with his trembling hand.
"Where?", I followed his hand.
"Wherever", he let his hand drop on the bed.
"Don't run away", I begged.
"Nah, they put me in some institution for healing", he put healing in quotation marks with his hands, "They can do whatever, I don't care anymore".
"For how long?", I frowned.
"I dunno, until I won't be suicidal", he did the same with suicidal.
"I hope to see you again really soon ", I smirked.
"Oh please I'm going to a place with loads of drugs, I'm going to push the suicidal shit for as long as they buy it!", he waved his hands around.
I shook my head again, "I still be waiting for you to be next thing in the alternative fashion industry".
"Have a nice life Skyler", he curled up and fell asleep.
I took one last glimpse and left the room.