I really am. I didn't think about it.
Do you want the real truth? You know, the real reason why I didn't want to go with Gerard back to New Jersey? Planes scare me, terrify me even. I have acrophobia, and planes really don't help it much. I sank down into my seat and closed my eyes, realizing that there was no way out of it now. Gerard plopped down next to me, not fazed in the least by the atmosphere of the plane.
"What are you doing?" he asked, looking at me at an odd angle, like he was confused. I sighed and shook my head, not wanting to answer. The flight attendant walked out and explained how to buckle your seatbelt and I followed the directions specifically, not wanting to miss anything. She flashed a smile at Gee, who ignored it and fidgeted lazily with the armrest. When the plane started moving, I tensed up and grasped the seat pushing back into the seat and closing my eyes.
A few moments later I opened my eyes only to see his hazel ones inches from my face. I took the moment that they were this close to really observe them. The color was beautiful, amazing. But not like they should be. They were blood shot and puffy, surrounded by little cuts and bruises. He, in general, looked horrible. Right then, I had the sudden urge to kiss him. Pulling his blood stained face close to mine; I let my lips touch his softly. I had a strong desire to go further, but I guess he didn't because he pulled away and didn't say anything.
"Gee-Gerard, I l-love you." I whispered, looking at him desperately. Too bad he wouldn't make eye contact with me. I grabbed his jaw and turned his head too look at me, but he pushed my hand away and leaned back, tears once again making their way to both of our tired eyes.
"Why did you have to go and do that Kris? No, just don't touch me." He said, shrugging my hand off his weary shoulder. He looked pained, like someone was ripping the life out of him, and I could see it in his eyes. More specifically, her. I could see her in his eyes. Ana.
"Do what, Gerard, tell you I love you? Well, God forbid that maybe I wanted to tell you the truth, relieve a burden that has been dragging me down! Is that so bad? Sorry for not wanting to keep my feelings bottled up!" I screamed at him, receiving looks from other passengers of the plane. I could see a fire burning in his eyes, like I had hit a nerve.
"I was about to propose to her! Damn it, Kris! Is that not enough? She's gone, she has been for three days and now you tell me you love me?! That hits the jackpot for worst timing! We haven't even been to her god damned funeral!" he yelled back, making me wince. I have never seen him this mad before and I didn't like it.
"I-I'm s-sorry," I said between sobs, while also trying to catch my breath. He just sat there, head in hands, knuckles pressed on his eyes, trying to contemplate his next move. Behind him came a flight attendant who leaned down and told him something I could barely make out about trying to keep quiet...disturbing passengers. He nodded before lifting up the arm rest that separated us, scooting over and cradling my head close to his chest and stroking my hair.
"I'm just not ready for this, Kris," he whispered and I nodded in understanding. Neither was I, really. I don't know why I did that because I know for a fact that I didn't think it through. My head was pounding from the nonstop crying and he must have realized that, so he started to sing "The Ghost of You" quietly to me until I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to the plane landing. My head was in Gerard's lap and I turned it slightly to look at him. He was asleep, neck leaned up against the neck rest.
"Gee? Wake up, we're landing.' I grabbed his hand as we made our way through a shaky landing it, squeezing it tightly as the plane lurched forward as the wheels hit the runway. "And, Gerard?" he looked over at me. "I'm really sorry."
So it's a shortie, but big things happened. i heart reviews, they really make me update faster. And yes, I know, two days without an update, I am really sorry D: