"I frowned, and knew i had to be going to hell. I was a car theif, a murderer, a dealer, a whore, and Gerard Way's bitch. Dear God, please dont send this fucked up freak to hell. -love, vivi."
I laughed cruely at the sight of her body being drained of it's fluids and was immediatly frightened by my reaction.
Even so, i did not feel guilty for taking a life of another. I still do not feel any guilt for what i did. I will NEVER regret what happened that night in Jersey.
I then remember, Gerard taking my hand, quickly dragging me out of the motel room through the window. He frantically rushed us out of the area before we were caught. We then hopped into his old and dented subaru, speeding out of the motel driveway in the middle of the night.
'You were fuckin great, baby,' Gerard said, lighting a cigarette to comb his nerves. I shivered, thinking about what i just did. i fuckin killed someone. Just then, my eyes attracted to the rosary hanging on the mirror. It was Donna's car and she was pretty much a church fanatic. I frowned, and knew i had to be going to hell. I was a car theif, a murderer, a dealer, a whore, and Gerard Way's bitch.
Dear God, please dont send this fucked up freak to hell. -love, vivi.
'She stole from us, Vi. She fucking STOLE from us,' Gerard said, after a long silence. He must have thought i was being so quiet cause i was regretting what i did.
I could never regret what i did for Gerard. Killing Jewels was the only way to show to Gerard how much i loved him.
Right before i killed her and after she was tightly bounded to the chair, he held the gun to her head, ready to shoot her himself. I watched in horror as he got the gun ready to shoot.
'Gee, im gonna wait outside. I can't watch this...' i began.
'You'll fuckin stay right where you are!' he shouted back. I was scared as the loving face i knew, turned into rage, but underneath it all i knew he was scared shitless.
'Gee...should we really do this?' i asked, looking nervously at Jewels. Jewels was bound to the chair with a rope across her mouth, preventing her from shouting out. Her eyes were drenched in fear and the once youthful face, was wrinkled and scared.
'SHE FUCKIN STOLE ARE MONEY, VI. THE MONEY WE WERE GONNA USE TO GET MARRIED.' he screamed. I noticed Gerard's pale face sweating accessivly from the rage and anxiety that was rushing through his vains.
'Shut up! do you want to get caught?' i asked, whispering loudly. I mysef was scared as i looked at the gun tightly bound into Gerard's hands and realized the seriousness of what we were about to do.
'Shoot her,' he replied, looking at me with those piercing eyes of his.
'What?!' i asked, not sure i fully understood what he meant by "shoot her".
'Shoot her if you care about us,' he said. I watched as he walked over to me, handing me the gun.
'No! No fuckin way. i cant...'
'DO IT...if you love me,' Gerard whispered, harshly in my ear. He then seductively put his lips to my neck, whispering 'show me you love me'. I now held the gun in my hand, as i pushed Gerard back to look into his eyes.
'You know i love you and i would do anything for you...but your asking me to prove it by...killing someone!' i said, looking at the gun, frightened.
'I killed for you, vivi. i fuckin killed for you....' he said, lovingly stroking my arms.
'i know you did...'
'Do you love me as much as i love you?' he asked me, running his hand over the gun in my grip.
'Then shoot her. Show me you would kill for me. Cause, Vi, you know i'd kill for you...'
I looked one last time into those beautiful hazel eyes of his, before stepping closer to Jewels.
'i love you gee,'
Now we were in the car, silently driving away from the crime scene, on our way to Mexico.
Both of us, murderers.
Him for shooting a client of mine. Gerard thought the guy was raping me, so he shot him point blank in the head. I didn't have the heart to tell him what i did for money. What i did to get us food to eat when Gee's crack money didn't provide enough. I didn't have the heart to tell him i wasn't fully his.
I was a murderer because of what just happened.
I shot a buyer who was trying to rip us off with 10 POUNDS of crack. That money was going to help me and gee start a new life. a new life where we didn't have to deal coke or cheaply give away are bodies.
I think we both secretly new, even if Jewels didn't rip us off and we had the money, we would never get away from the chaos we got ourselves into.
'Gee...do you trust me now?' i asked, turning the radio off.
'I always trusted you, vi,' he said. His hand was rubbing my neck reassuringly.
'Awww...come on, Gee. Don't give me that shit. I know there is stuff you dont tell me,' i reply. 'i know you never EVER fully trusted me'
Gerard remained silent for a moment as we stopped at a stop light.
'I trust you now, Vivi. I promise. i...' he whispered as i saw tears comming down his face. 'i love...love you,'
He quickly whipped away his tears.
'i love you too, baby' i replied, rubbing his leg with my hand.
'I know you do...and i wasn't sure until tonight,' he said, tears were running down his face freely. i could tell he didn't want me to see them.
'How could you not be sure i loved you...?' i asked. i sighed, feeling like a mess as i looked out the window.
As we went furthur down the road, i saw a car with a bumper sticker that said:
guns dont kill...people do.
i couldn't help but laugh.