Things you might discover about your friends. And boas. And tour lesbians.
Frank was sitting next to me in the passengers seat, pouting.
Truth to be told, if I were him I would pout too, the rest of the boys were in the back seat chatting about how well the show went and how great the audience was and how cool it felt and how they couldn't wait to play again.
"Frankie Wankie don't be mad", Gerard rubbed his cheek on Frankie's shoulder, Frankie jerked his shoulder away and stared out of the window, still pouting.
"Frankie boo don't be like that", Gerard climbed over into Frankie's lap, hitting me on the head in the process.
"Get the fuck away from me", Frankie snapped.
"Don't swear at me Fwankie boo", Gerard curled on Frankie's chest.
"Yeah more like Frankie poo", Bob laughed.
Frank flipped him off and rested his hands on Gerard ass. I couldn't help but smile.
"Are you going to harass me now Fwankie?", Gerard purred.
"Not again", Mikey moaned from the back.
I chuckled, "Again?!".
"Yeah these two are the biggest tour lesbian I ever saw!", Bob exclaimed.
I was so lucky we were in the middle of car free desert cause I think I never laughed that hard in my life.
"That's not funny, they always grab and touch each other", Bob mumbled in my ear.
"But wait a second, how could they be tour lesbians? If anything they're tour gays, right?!", I wiped my laughter tears with my left hand.
"But they like girls so that makes them lesbians", Mikey explains patiently.
I roared with laughter, I had to pull over and rest my head on the wheel, I was laughing so hard.
After a good few minutes I went back to driving, "have you ever even kissed?".
"I think it's the only thing they didn't do", Bob smirked.
"Oh really? It's like in that movie, pretty woman or some shit with Julia Roberts or shit. She played that prostitute", I frowned, trying to remember the details.
"Oh yeah!", Mikey cried, "Pretty woman walking down the street, pretty woman fuck blah blah I don't remember the rest, pretty woman shit shit to meet, pretty woman lalala".
Bob grunted, "There's a reason why you play the bass and don't sing".
"Oh fuck you, I'm one hell of a singer", Mikey looked smug.
"Yeah, hell would be the word to describe this unique and HIDDEN. Very HIDDEN talent of yours", Bob smacked some of Mikey's organs, I don't know which because I was busy crying with laughter.
"So anyway", I looked at Mikey and Bob who were wrestling at the back, it was more like Bob sat on Mikey and Mikey was screaming for help, "She played this prostitute who would fuck people cause you know, she's a prostitute but won't kiss them cause she thought it's too personal".
"So which one of us is the prostitute?", Frankie cocked his eyebrows.
"Yeah, who got what it takes to be the prostitute?", Gerard winked at me.
"Hmm", I wrinkled my forehead, "Gee, I have to admit you're a bit on the slutty side".
"What?", he exclaimed, straighting up.
"I have to disagree", Bob leaned between the passenger and the drivers seat, "I think Frank's sluttier".
"I don't know", I shook my head, "Gerard is more of a slut, I definitely can imagine him pulling cars over in a mini skirt, heels and boa".
"I do like boas", Gee nodded his head.
"Anyone can look like a slut, it's the actions that counts", Bob drummed his fingers on my shoulder.
"Have you been a bad boy, Fwankie boo?", Gerard asked Frank with a serious frown on his face.
"Oh please everyone had a piece of Fwankie poo", Bob waved his hands.
"Oh yeah like who?", Fwa..I mean Frankie asked.
"Tour lesbians please raise you hands", Bob yelled.
Gerard, I and even Mikey attempted to raise his hand from below Bob.
"What can I say?!? I'm a loving dude", Frank shrugged.
"You're a whore dude", Bob grinned.
"Can a dude be a whore?", I mused.
"He can if his name is Frank", Bob smiled.
"Wait a second, how come you raised your hand?", Gerard frowned at me.
Aw shit, "Because I had a piece of your Fwankie poo", I giggled nervously.
"A big piece?", Gerard eyed me with suspicion.
"It was in the fucking 4th grade, just a kiss", I kept my eyes steady on the road.
"So did you had a piece of Bob or Mikey or Ray too, or poo is the only one?", he asked casually.
"Just poo, it was a fucking kiss and you did it too so lay off", I rolled my eyes.
"Poo-too...hahahah", I heard Mikey's muffled voice from somewhere under Bob.
"But I'm a tour lesbian, that's what we do", Gerard explained to me seriously.
I couldn't believe he said it with a straight face, "And I'm a tour lesbian's girlfriend, we have a special club and shit".
"But when you kissed poo you didn't know you'll be a tour lesbian's girlfriend", Gerard crossed his arms on his chest.
"Do you really have a club?", Bob asked curiously.
"The next one who calls me poo doesn't get a blow job GERARD", Frank poked his finger in Gerard's arm.
"I so hope you're joking", I looked at Bob for reassurance but he just shrugged.
"But I want to know how you kissed him", Gerard insisted, "Kiss him!".
"Gerard, it was the 4th grade, do you honestly believe kids in the 4th grade fuck?", I sighed, I regretted raising my fucking hand.
"They do now", Bob scratched his cheek.
"Well back in the old days we didn't fuck until at least 5th grade", I rolled my eyes.
"Kiss him", Gerard stared at me.
"No", I shook my head.
"Then you kiss her", Gerard crossed his arms on his chest.
"Are you kidding me? Janet will fucking kill me", Frank exclaimed and looked out of the window.
"You can demonstrate on Gerard", Bob grinned.
"What side are you on anyway?", I grunted.
"I'm just saying..", Bob mummbled.
Out of nowhere, Gerard decided to straddle me. While I was driving, "I'm fucking driving here", I yelled at him and leaned back, his breathe was a mixture of every single drink in a bar.
"Then pull over", he leaned on the wheel.
I pulled over, or more accurately almost crashed into the only tree growing at the side of the road.
"OK so was it like this?", he pecked my lips.
Frankie shook his head, Bob leaned closer to watch.
"Gerard, I don't want to play this game", I moaned.
"I just want to see", he shrugged and turned to Frankie, "Or more like this?", he kissed my lips gently.
"Um kinda", Frankie tapped his finger on his chin.
"So maybe like this?", Gerard leaned his whole body into me, his tongue was looking for mine, I let him find it, he drew little circles in my mouth and caressed my tongue with his.
I felt his hands fall to my waist and squeeze it, he harden and I pulled away.
Frankie gulped, "I'm not really sure, can you do that again?".
"Get off", I blushed.
Gerard sat back on Frankie but while he was climbing back he touched my jeans zipper without anyone noticing and smirked.
"Does anyone else care that I'm dying here?", Mikey screamed. He was still trapped under Bob.
Bob let him go.
"I want to know why Mikey raised his hand", I looked at him in the mirror and smirked.
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "Bob, can you sit on me again?".
"I'd love to, you're comfy", Bob made a movement.
"No wait, I want to know", I exclaimed and started the car again.
"God, it's no biggie, I just was a bit drunk but I put on a fight!", he slouched in his seat.
"Oh Mikey is an easy whore, I had him too", Gerard dismissed my chuckle with a wave.
"Doesn't it makes you an abuser or shit?", I glanced at him.
"Yeah child abuser!", Bob laughed.
"Do they have a special name for it when it's a family member?", Frank joined the fascinating discussion.
"I don't know", I shrugged, "But see, I told you Gerard is a bigger whore".
"They're actually even", Bob reappeared between the seats, "Frank had you, Mikey and Gerard. Gerard had you, Frankie and Mikey. They both are equal sluts".
"Wait, have you noticed that we had the same people, so it makes Skyler and Mikey even bigger sluts that us", Frankie put his hand back on Gerard's ass.
"No it doesn't", I exclaimed, "Maybe just Mikey".
"Hey!", Mikey yelled.
"Dude, you had your brother. It's gotta count more", I smiled at him in the mirror.
"It was just a peck!", Mikey waved his hands around.
"Oh I didn't mean to brag but I totally felt some tongue", Gerard giggled.
"I don't want to hear this, OK!?", Bob covered his face with his hands, "You seriously have to get girlfriends and get laid ALL OF YOU".
"Gerard has one but a whore is a whore", I shook my head.
Suddenly my phone went off in my pocket, we were entering an actual road with cars and traffic and other shit I hate, "Can someone get my phone from my pocket?".
Frankie reached out but Gerard slapped his hand, "I got it".
He answered it, "Hello?"
"Oh what's up dude?", he smiled happyly.
He looked around the car, "Aw shit, we're coming. Stay where you are".
"Stop the car!", he startled me.
"Why?", I looked at him.
"Noticed some thing's missing?", he smirked at all of us.
We all looked around and cried in unison, "Fuck".
We forgot Ray.
I turned around and sped up, I felt terrible, I just caught up in driving and with the tour whores or lesbians or whatever that I didn't notice.
We picked up the very grim looking Ray at the gas station near the venue the guys played in.
"I just went to the motherfucking toilette", he slammed the door shut.
"I'm sooo sorry", I turned around to face him.
"Oh save it", he snapped, "It's not the first time".
We drove back for a while in silence, one by one they all fell asleep, I still had to drive a bit until its Frankie's shift.
A few miles before we hit the heavy traffic again the van coughed and did other noises than eventually stopped, I glanced over at the thingy that tells you how much gas you have left...Yeah so I'm not that familiar with the terms, sue me!
Anyway, the thingy was pointing on zero, "How can this fucking be?".
Frankie woke up startled and almost dropped Gerard to the floor, "What? Where? Is it my turn yet?".
"We ran out of the fucking gas!", I cried.
He looked around, "At least we stuck in a place with lots of things to do".
I banged my head on the wheel, we were stuck in the middle of nowhere, miles from the gas station and miles before the traffic.
so it's a bit long and a result of lack of sleep and too much videos of frerad on youtube. enjoy!