Billie Joe Armstrong trusted Mike Dirnt with everything, his son included. One night when Mike is looking after Jakob Armstrong, he gets behind the wheel drunk and is involved in an accident. Whils...
Billie Joe sat up in his bunk as though having just woken up from a nightmare. He was sweaty and gasping for breath. He looked at the ground where his pillow had fallen and picked it up. He took a few seconds to look at it before pressing it against his face and screaming. As his breaths got shorter he pressed harder. The pillow fell from his face and bounced off his knees back to the ground. Billie Joe looked at his hands, his filthy hands. He often repeated the thing with the pillow. He wanted to know what it felt like. What it felt like to be Mike at the time of his death. Billie couldn't understand why it was that he felt he had to put himself through it. He wasn't sorry for what he had done, he was sorry for how it had affected others. How it had affected himself.
Now he was locked in this cell. This 8 by 5 ft cell. He supposed he should be thankful, this cell was considered special treatment. Every other cell was 8 by 4. He'd received special treatment not for having the committed the ultimate crime of killing a celebrity, but because he was one. Nothing was worth much in prison but having the reputation of killing someone 'big' was something that most of the inmates couldn't pass up. His cell was shared with one other, he was a paedophile. He was here because the inmates had a habit of trying to kill him for being a disgusting excuse for human. It's also more convenient for the guards who feel the need to 'give him what he deserves'. Billie didn't blame them, he'd hit the guy himself. Not on purpose though, it was when he'd first been put here. When everyone just looked like Mike. He'd lost his pillow priveleges that month.
Billie looked over at his cellmate, Kenneth, Ken. It felt strange for Billie to be acquainted with someone with such a disgusting history but sometimes he'd be so desperate that he'd look past it so that he could have someone to talk to. Kenneth didn't seem to mind, just as long as Billie didn't try to hurt him again. Sometimes Kenneth would talk in his sleep, he'd speak as though he were speaking to children. He probably did. He probably relived things just as Billie did. The psychologist with whom Billie had been ordered to have weekly sessions with had told him that he would stop revisting those days in the hospital once he had accepted what had happened and had forgiven Mike. The first time it had been said Billie had joked saying that he was the one who should be seeking forgiveness. The psychologist didn't laugh.
Laughter was rare in a place like this, occasionally it would happen if some inmate was bullied by another to the point of extreme embarrassment or when a woman entered the prison to speak to whoever she needed to. It was like a movie. In both cases however, the laughter was soon stopped by a guard making threats.
Billie sighed. He couldn't even make a guess at how many times he'd sighed since moving here. He couldn't count the number of times he got lost in his thoughts either. He'd often wondered if it were healthy to be thinking the way he was now. What if he got lost in himself? Surely that wouldn't be good. He was also scared that his thoughts were dumbing him down. He used to be so good at words whether lyrically or structuring a sentence. He asked his psychologist about that as well, he was given the suggestion that maybe he had to relearn everything the way that Jakob would.
A tear ran down Billie Joe's face. He missed his son so much, it was destroying him knowing that Jakob wasn't feeling the same way.
"Billie.." He stirred slowly as he felt someone poke his arm. His eyes opened and met those of his wifes. Billie's eyes lit up as he noticed the huge smile on Adriennes face. He looked past her and at his son whose eyes were slowly opening.
"Oh my god!" He jumped from the seat he'd been sleeping on and raced to the bedside. "Hey Jakey buddy." Billie smiled down at him, tears welling in his eyes. "Jakey?"
Billie held his head in his hands, he was crying uncontrollably outside Jake's hospital room. He'd been approached by a couple of teens who were trying to console him. They didn't know why he was here, but apparently it was all over Green Day sites on the internet that he was. All they knew was that he needed support. He didn't want it though. He didn't want anything except his son to know who he was. Adrienne wrapped her arms around him, telling him that thing's would be okay, that they could be worse. Billie was amazed at how strong she was, it was as though the roles of mother and father had been reversed. It was sexist, he knew, he just didn't care. The one person he trusted more than anyone in the world had betrayed him and now his son had to relearn how to live all over again. How to talk, how to eat, how to walk, even how to go the fucking bathroom! Billie Joe pushed his wife off him and stood before collapsing back into his seat, his body drained from crying so much.
"I'll never forgive you."
"Billie? You say something?"
"No Kenneth, you can go back to sleep."