When in love, we are controlled by our emotions. It is not a simple act of commitment, but rather a tangled web of wrong time and short duration. And when you add the bittersweet tint to it, you ha...
Severus didn't know why Narcissa was forcing him to attend the end-of-year picnic. He had so much he needed to study for and, quite frankly, other than her he had no one who really wanted him there anyhow.
N.E.W.T.S. and getting the hell out of Hogwarts were the only things he cared about. Well, and her of course. Their time together was ending, and their new lives would begin as soon as they stepped off the school's ground. Lucius made sure that every Death Eater had received an invite to the upcoming nuptials, and he knew it would be the grand affair of the year.
So, as planned, he would get his Dark Mark and begin his service to the Dark Lord, and she would begin her pampered prestigious life as the new Lady Malfoy. They would both be getting what they wanted, wouldn't they?
Severus looked coldly into his own eyes facing back at him from the mirror in the Slytherin's bathroom. He wanted her, and he wanted Narcissa to tell her parents the truth; that she didn't want to follow their prejudgments and that she wanted to marry the Half-blood Prince looking back at her.
But Narcissa wouldn't. Today would be the bittersweet goodbye. Love, for Severus Snape, was a meaningless, fleeting emotion and he decided that after this he was never allowing the hurt to crawl inside him again.
Yes, he would use this pain mixed with all the others to make himself the perfect Death Eater, ruthless in his desires for the power Lord Voldemort promised him.
But today he would give himself over to the last of his emotions, one last time before closing his broken heart to the meaningless word 'love'.
Narcissa stood by the over-ladened food table that the school's elves provided, and fretted that Severus would never arrive. She wanted one last happy memory before entering into her marriage with her parents' choice, Lucius Malfoy.
She had known since she was fifteen that he would be her husband and, as any good Black family daughter, she accepted the fact. Toujours Pur did not mean marrying for love, but preservation of the bloodline. But then she had found what she hadn't been looking for-- a young wizard, as sad and as alone as she. She had looked beyond the outer facade and found the love she craved, needed and it had been returned.
Her marriage would end her dreams of being a healer, for a Malfoy bride didn't work, but sat and was waited upon. She would become the pretty figure that her parents and new husband wanted of her.
How she wished she had the courage of her sister Andromeda, and could walk away from all of this- her family, her fiancÃ© and lose herself to love. But, she was the 'good' daughter and would do as expected.
Narcissa picked up the two ladened plates and made her way into a shady overgrown section of the grounds, the meeting place she had chosen for their last time together. She knew the risks of them being seen together by others and it getting back to Lucius or her family, but she didn't care. For the last time of their being with each other, she wanted it close to out in the open.
She could see her cousin, Sirius, and his friends huddled together, planning one last prank before the seriousness of their NEWTS exams, and prayed they were leaving Severus out of it for today. She had almost begged her favorite cousin, but realized that would have just egged it on, making Severus more of a target.
Narcissa felt the cool dampness of a glass touch the side of her face, and looked up and smiled. "About time you arrived," She smiled up at her lover. She took the offered glass of juice and took a dainty sip.
"This had better be worth coming out for," Severus grumbled, settling his long black encased frame beside on the ground. He drank his glass of pumpkin juice in a few swallows and set the empty glass beside them in the grass.
"Oh, Snarky! Just enjoy the sun and and the good food-- oh, and my company of course!" Narcissa laid a gentle hand on his cheek while saying those words, a bittersweet feeling of loss already breaking her heart.
"Always Cissa," Severus said, for once not commenting in distaste on her nickname for him. He loved the feel of her hand touching him, her warm skin a comfort. He leaned over to kiss her, allowing the hand that touched him to draw him closer. Onlookers be cursed to oblivion for once, he revelled in the young witch beside him.
"I brought something off of each platter because I was unsure what you would like," Cissa said and held out one of the plates for him to take.
"Lovely choices," He answered with a smile, uncaring of what was on the plate. They ate in silence, sitting cross-legged beside each other; alone in the crowd of classmates.
"I have sent a positive response to the wedding invitation," Severus said, breaking the comfortable silence.
"You really didn't have to, I didn't expect you'd want to be there." Narcissa looked sadly at him, the reminder of what was to come suddenly brought back to her mind. She had even removed the huge Malfoy engagement ring to forget about it, seems Severus had other plans.
"It is expected by Lucius and the others for my attendance, to ignore such a glorious event would be a faux pas." Severus gently replied, setting his mostly empty plate to the side.
"Snarky I wish you wouldn't go with Lucius, do those things-"
"Cissa, I have made my choice just as you have." Severus looked at the Gryffindor four and sneered. "/His/ service provides me the means to get back at them." He nodded, his sneer turning more hateful.
"Can we just have one last time together without you plotting against them? I hate when you get so- well- hateful." Cissa turned away. She leaned back when his hands touched her shoulders and felt the hardness of his body against her, a gentle kiss at the nape of her neck making her mew in pleasure.
"I can no more turn my back on the Dark Lord then you can turn your back on your family. But if you did-- I would in a heartbeat be with you." He ran his hands down her sleeveless arms, and drew them across her chest to pull her more firmly to him. Holding one last time, offering her his heart one more time. Severus watched as her head bowed, her light blond hair covering her face and exposing her neck more fully.
"I wish I could, Snarky." She whispered the barely heard words, a tear forming to roll down her pale cheek. Narcissa turned in his arms and he took her lips in a kiss, deep and soul searching as their tongues tangled. Their love and desperation open for all to see for one brief moment.
"Eh Snivellus! Hands off of my cousin!" They broke apart, and they looked into the face of a very disgruntled Sirius Black. His friends James Potter and Peter Pettigrew stood beside him, a sorrowful looking Remus Lupin hung behind them.
"For once in your damn life Sirius Black, go away!" Cissa said, holding onto Severus. She felt the anger radiating off him, and hoped they would back off.
"The bastard's dirty hands are all over you, Cissy. What would your precious family and fiancÃ© think of that?" Sirius continued to taunt and he barely felt Remus' attempts at pulling him away from the pair.
"Please Sirius, if you love me- walk away and forget. Please, for me." Cissa begged with words and her eyes. Sirius stood for a moment thinking, his friends silent beside him. He loved his cousin, hated that her parents' expected so much of her and nodded. He'd take care of Severus Snape another day, soon.
"Later Snivellus," Sirius walked away, his friends' looks of astonishment evident.
"That was too easy," Severus commented, his skin still bristling with his anger. "But I will enjoy the confrontation he promised later."
"Severus don't let them ruin today."
"It's all a reminder of what we can't have, love. One day I will get my revenge on their sorry asses, and I will enjoy every minute of it." His eyes turned blacker, and Cissa felt the changes that Voldemort was already bringing upon him. Her heart broke into even more pieces, and she gathered him even closer.
"I wish that-"
"You had never met me, never allowed my dirty half-blood hands to touch you?" Severus broke in and asked her bitterly.
"I wish we could just run away, even for a day." Narcissa replied.
"Follow, then." Severus took her hand and they made for the gates of Hogwarts. They reached the apparition point and he disapparated them to a small cottage.
"Welcome to my 'ancestral' home, Spinner's End." Severus said when they entered. They had broken school rules by leaving the grounds without permission, but he could care less.
Narcissa eyes took in the shabby surroundings, the chairs dust covered from disuse and neglect. The shelves that lined the walls filled with books, some had spilled to the floor.
"Charming," She murmured.
"Not much to look at it, but with my parents' death it's all I have to offer. Let me show you my room," Severus said, seeing the house through her eyes and finding it lacking. A life with him would never be easy, and he hated it even more.
"Scourgify," Severus shouted and the dust in his room vanished, only a slight musty smell lingered in the air. "Home sweet home," He smiled grimly, wishing he had not brought her now.
"Even if you had chosen me, I have nothing to really offer you."
"Is not enough." Severus pulled her close, hoping for one last time with his beloved before letting go. He smiled as her fingers loosened the buttons on his robes letting them drop to the floor. He gathered her up in his arms and carried her to his bed.
Naked they joined together, their hearts as one. He looked down into her eyes, watched as the tears streaked down the sides of her face and felt the same loss and despair she did. The love that shown up at him made his heart wrench, and he felt the tear that slid down his nose and saw it join with hers. The only sounds that filled the room were their breathing as they as held each other, reaffirming their love one last time.
"I love you," They both said one last time before redressing and heading back to Hogwarts.
Severus stood in the crowd of his new brothers, his arm still tingling from last night's marking. He felt alone and watched as Mr Black escorted his veil-covered daughter up the aisle. He heard the words, saw the magic of the binding and sealed his heart away. The Wizardry official pronounced them married and Lucius and Narcissa turned to the guests.
"Good bye, my love." Severus whispered and turned back to his new friends.
Narcissa looked down at her small house elf that had been with her since childhood. Twinky stood looking up at his mistress, his small eyes taking in his new surroundings. He would have to find himself a new cabinet to store his stuff and sleep in, and to hide his mistress's secret until she asked for it.
"You have it with you Twinky? I need one last look till you hide it for me." She smiled and he handed the small box to her. The haunting song played as she opened it and a smiling Severus and herself looked up at her in a picture forever captured.
"Thank you Twinky for taking this." She said sadly, her finger caressing Severus's face in the picture as it moved and smiled at her own picture self.
"Twinky always does what Mistress Cissa asks," The small elf replied, proud that he was able to sneak onto the school's grounds and take the picture.
"Good bye, my love." Narcissa said before closing the box and handing it back to the elf to hid.