My heart was beating for her, and well, now there's no reason to let it beat for nothing is there? [[one shot]]
My feet slammed into the sidewalk now cooled by the October night air, meeting the cracks of the concrete now chipping beneath me. I sighed as the mud on the bottom of my chucks left footprints trailing farther behind me than I could see. Was it really too wrong of me to run away from death after summoning it? I glanced down at my arms, goose bumps rising under my blood-tinged skin. The hairs on my forearms were standing up awkwardly much like the hair on my head.
I cringed at the thought of how I must look on the rampage I was going on. I knew from the moment I stepped foot outside her door that I was possibly making one of the biggest mistakes of my life. But how much do you think I cared after seeing my best friend die right in front of me? I watched Gerard’s pulse fade slowly from his body knowing all the while that there was no way I could save him and no way the ambulance could get here soon enough.
The blood on my arms wasn’t just Gerard’s though, from carrying his limp and almost-lifeless body down into the living room while she waited for an ambulance to escort him to the one place where he might have a chance at survival. Seidee didn’t know that, though. She had no clue that in my pocket was the icy metal steel that may have killed him. That was supposed to kill me…
Trying desperately to pull the image of his mangled body on her bathroom floor, I shook my head. I looked up at the playground beside me, deserted of everyone, and crossed inside. Sitting on a rusted swing, I thought about how mad Seidee had to have been right now.
“What the hell, Frankie?” Seidee sighed, her eyes quickly taking in the scene of her bathroom. Gerard lay cold and almost totally drained of life, his body propped up on the side of her bathtub, blood-matted hair staining the porcelain. And I think I was a surprise to her too, kneeling over the toilet and mutilating my arms with the same red-coated blade Gerard had used to end his life.
“Oh, uh….Seidee, what are y-you doing in h-“ I was immediately interrupted by her putting her hand up to silence me. It worked, and I sat there, razor in hand, looking at her.
“W-what happened?” she choked out, pushing a few strands of jet black hair out of her eyes. I shoved my shirt sleeve down far, blocking my gouges from view. Immediately dropping to her knees, she put two fingers to Gerard’s neck and felt for a pulse. But she could barely find one on his pallid skin, warm to the touch. “H-he’s dying?” she stuttered and I nodded gravely.
Tears glazed over her beautiful brown eyes and she tried her hardest to blink them back. “When were y-you gonna tell me,” she asked, eyeing the silvery glint in my hand but ignoring it,” You weren’t going to, were you?! What? And I was going to have to find my best friend dead in my goddamn bathroom?”
Tears started making black trails as they mixed with her eyeliner. I looked her dead in the eye and could see straight through to the hurt, questioning look they bore. She hugged Gerard to her chest and cradled him in her arms. “Wake up, wake up for me.” She cooed, stroking his raven hair gently.
As if on cue, his eyes slowly fluttered open. But they weren’t the same. The passion in the hazel orbs had been snuffed like a candle and they seemed distant.
“I-I’m sorry, S-s-seidee. I l-love y-you” he whimpered. The tears that were burning here eyes soon overflowed from here eyelids, pouring out from over her eyelashes.
She dug in her cell phone and called 9-1-1 but I was too fazed and off in my own world to notice what she was saying. She snapped her phone shut and ran back to his side, clutching him as if to hold onto him like he was going to float away to death.
“Frankie? Why?” she whimpered, trying to look me in the eye. I obviously tried avoiding her view. “Frank Iero, look at me! I hate you! I f-fucking hate you!” That stabbed me hard, right in the heart. I loved her so much, and I couldn’t tell her what I had done now.
“Why do you hate me Seidee? Because I didn’t tell you he was planning suicide?” I shot spitefully. “Well, I fucking hate you too then!” I spat at her before standing up. I leaned over, and ignoring the burning pain in my arms from my cuts, picked up Gerard’s body, carrying him out to her living room and laying his bloodied-up body onto her couch.
“Deal with the damn ambulance yourself, Seidee!” I shot, leaving her broken and confused as I stormed out the door.
Here I was now, sitting on the swing, razor in hand. I pulled off my shirt and shivered involuntarily at the sudden wave of cool air. I looked down at my bare chest and rubbed the dull edge of the razor up against my heart. I felt it beating, beating for one person. And that person never loved me.
Seidee was the reason I got out of bed, the reason I wanted to live. But not anymore. When she goes home to her family, she’ll have one less charity case to deal with if I give up on our friendship.
I shakily flip the razor over and apply pressure, carving deep into the skin on my chest. I drew a crooked and deformed heart and left at last a note to whoever found my body. Then, as quickly as I had fallen for Seidee I fell to the leave-covered ground. The razor was lodged in my throat and would be for whoever found me. And whoever found me would see my famous last words.
S + F = 4 Never….