Categories > Original > Humor0 Reviews
A boy writes a humor piece and puts it on the internet.
My idea wasn’t taken by something interesting: it was taken by a coloring book of Southwestern Native American pottery designs. That’s right: they weren’t even cool Indians. I was going to make my coloring book about something awesome, like World War II. I even thought about a horror-movie themed coloring book for the freaks and weirdos who like that kind of crap. What’s better than watching an androgynous maniac kill someone with a rusty chainsaw made from the wreckage of fatal carcrashes, as a gratuitously nude woman is smoking crack-cocaine from an item of occult paraphernalia? Coloring that scene in with crayons! Oh-yeah!
After a few minutes, I started crying again. Not because I am so handsome and charming that no woman would ever love me for who I am on the inside(this was what I cried about the first time), but because every idea for everything ever has already been taken.
So I sat, watching the ceiling fan spin around just like millions of other ceiling fans (I tried to make it turn the other way, so it could be different from all the other ceiling fans. It broke.), and listening to Wilco. Little does Jeff Tweedy know, even in all his bearded wisdom, that he is playing musical notes that have all already been used by thousands of others.
Because I have nothing else to do with my time, I made up a list of things that I would have, in a more ignorant stage of my life, thought no one else could have thought up. Now I know better. I didn’t even bother to check for these: I’m sure they’re already taken, just like everything else.
A feature-length animated movie about the Watergate scandal, with Rainn Wilson providing the voice of Hoppy the janitor.
A flipbook of Cajun seafood recipes which shows each dish being slowly cooked.
The word “himple”. I have no idea what it means.
A PowerPoint presentation about PowerPoint.
A language made up entirely of vowels.
A car dogs can drive.
Individually wrapped popcorn kernels. (These are for the pocket-sized microwaves.)
A series of commemorative stamps commemorating other commemorative stamps.
Don’t even tell me I did a good job with this. First, because I didn’t. But second, because I know that somewhere out there another person has written an essay just like this one! Little did he know that he took the last original idea, ever.
Post-scriptum: The most bizarre thing about adult coloring books? Amazon.com sells used ones.