boys + girl + fire = OMG!
As usual, this one goes out to my favorites:
They review, therefore they rock.
13: p y r o m a n i a
"It's week 3 on tour," I said as Trick pointed the camera at me. "Bus smells like shit and we've all had enough of Guitar Hero, so Pete decided 'Hey, we should have a fireworks party'."
I followed Pete as he carried a huge cardboard box to the edge of an abandoned parking lot. Soap passed lighters to everyone as he set it down.
"Where do we start?" Pete said, surveying our supply of explosives. There were roman candles, ninjas, bottle rockets, clustering bees and just about everything in between.
"I say we play a game of flaming chicken," Soap said, picking up a pack of ninjas.
"Never heard of it," Trick said, pointing the camera at her.
"That's because I just came up with it."
"How do we play?" Pete asked, intrigued.
"Well it'll be like a regular game of chicken, but instead of using our hands to knock each other over, we use fireworks," she said, nonchalantly.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Trick asked.
"Not at all. But that's what makes it fun," she said, smiling. "So who's in?"
"I'll do it," Andy said.
"Sweet. We can be a team then," Soap said, kissing his cheek. "We still need 2 more people."
Pete turned to Dirty. "You wanna go?"
"So how is this gonna work?" Dirty asked. "I mean, how are we supposed to grab more fireworks from the box when we're running around?
Soap played with the explosives in her hand as she thought about the question.
"Each team will start off with a pack of ninjas. From there, Joe will throw them to both of us. If you don't catch them, too bad."
"Any other rules?"
"Nothing to the face, but crotch shots are free game."
"How do we tell who loses?" Andy asked.
"Whichever team falls or catches fire first."
"Okay, what are we waiting for?" Pete grabbed a pack of ninjas and climbed onto Dirty's shoulders.
Soap jumped onto Andy's shoulders and the chaos began.
For the first few minutes, Dirty and Andy just went around in a circle, waiting for the other to attack.
"C'mon, Pete, stop being such a pussy," Soap taunted.
"Hey, last time I checked, you didn't throw anything at me either."
"Ladies first," she smirked. Pete glared and lit his pack of ninjas, throwing it at Soap.
It hit Andy's arm and fell to the ground. Nothing happened.
"Nice job Wentz, it was a dud," Dirty commented.
"Oh, shit!" Pete said.
Soap quickly lit her pack, and threw it at Pete's shirt. It bounced off him and landed near Dirty's feet.
"Ahhh!" Dirty screamed and ran away, Pete nearly falling off his shoulders.
"Woah, slow down! You're gonna make us lose!"
"Joe!" Soap yelled. "Roman candle!"
I grabbed one out of the box and threw it toward her. She caught it and quickly lit the end, causing Dirty's eyes to go wide. It was no surprise that she aimed straight for his crotch.
"OH SHIT!" he yelled, trying to dodge the tiny fireballs shooting dangerously close to his dick. I don't know how he did it, but Dirty managed to dodge all of them, except for one that singed his leg hair.
"Smoke bomb!" Pete yelled, waving his arms at me. I dug through the box and tossed a smoke grenade his way. Once he caught it, Pete pulled the pin and threw it toward Andy's feet. Within seconds, a green cloud filled the space between the 2 teams.
Andy and Soap couldn't see anything, but neither could Dirty and Pete.
"Great idea, Pete," Dirty said.
"Hey, it gives us time to plan."
“Plan? What plan?”
"You're getting this all on tape, right?" I asked Patrick.
"Yeah," he said, laughing.
"Joe, toss me a bottle and some clustering bees!" Soap yelled.
I dug around the box and found the bottle first. I threw it over to her, but it slipped out of her hands. Luckily, Andy caught it.
"I can't find the bees!" I said
"I know they're in there. They look like bottle rockets on steroids."
After she gave me that description, I threw one her way. She stuffed it into the bottle and lit the tiny fuse. Within seconds, sparks were flying out of the tip, spiraling toward Dirty's shorts.
"AH!" Dirty screamed like a little girl. "FUCK!" he yelled trying to put out the flames above his knee.
"Oh, shit!" I laughed. "Dirty's on FIRE!"
"Pop, lock and drop it!" Patrick yelled. "Wait, I mean stop, drop and roll!"
He dropped Pete and started rolling around on the pavement. Patrick cracked up as he panned from Dirty to Soap. Still on Andy's shoulders, she was holding her hands above her head in victory.
"Hell yeah, mothafucker!"
Pete groaned as he got up while Dirty laid there panting. Soap hopped off Andy's and helped him get up.
"Shit, are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, but look at this!"
Patrick and I walked over to them, inspecting the damage.
"Holy shit," Pete laughed. Dirty was unscathed, but his shorts had a huge hole, stretching from above his knee to the middle of his thigh.
"That is so awesome," Andy said, high-fiving Soap.
"Soap, you are a fucking genius," Dirty said, tracing the burned edges. "We HAVE to do this again."
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