I lost it then found it then lost it again...
I was so exhausted and tired and hungry.
Mikey and I were all over Jersey and New York going back and forth 3 times without stopping to eat or drink.
If I found the whole shoes situation funny earlier, I didn't anymore. Not after the shoe lace tore and I had to limp, making sure I didn't lose Gerard's shoe as well.
It was sweet of Mikey to carry me on his back after I was on the verge of tears when the shoe fell off for the 5th time.
I think some fan snapped a picture of Mikey and just hopped I didn't get in the frame, with my rope for a belt, one show tied to it (Mikey's idea after I kept losing it. The shoe not my mind) and scooby doo t-shirt.
And maybe it would all be worth it if we at least found the dog tag but we didn't and I was scared of Gerard's reaction.
I mean, I don't know how upset it'll make him or even why, Mikey ignored my whining and questions all day but I was impressed with his cool, he never once snapped at me for asking 48309 times what's the big deal, and his love for his brother, not any brother would take the only day he had off in months to run around to look for something your wife lost. Now that's what I call dedication!
Mikey squeezed my shoulder before pushing the door to our flat open, I took a deep breathe and gave him a small thankful smile.
Bags and clothes greeted us. It was like this every time they packed, they turned the house into a twilight zone and then I spent days making my way through the clutter and by the time I managed to sort shit, they came back home again and did the same. I should definitely yell at them but not right now.
"Where the fuck have you been?", Bob came out of Mikey and his room carrying a big pile of clothes, they weren't folded or anything too tidy like that, it was just a huge pile of black.
"Doing shit", Mikey shrugged and picked up pair of socks Bob dropped with his thumb and index finger.
"You better pack", Bob dumped the pile on his suitcase, "You take time to pack".
Mikey looked at the pile Bob dropped and shook his head in disapproval. He gave me a slight nod and a smile before following Bob into their room.
I didn't dare to go to my room...Fuck, our room.
I never got used to this, to our room, to our shit. And I didn't really had to, Gerard was on tour most of the time and I had the house to myself.
It was great! And lonely. A lot of lonely nights when there was nothing on TV and I didn't feel like going out, I would walk through the house and touch Gerard's stuff and then call him and just listen to him talk until he had to go to an interview. Or a video shoot. or a photo shoot.
I sat on the sofa and turned on the TV, biting my nails and tapping my shoeless feet on the coffee table.
"Skyler, are you home?", Gerard's voice traveled through the noisy apartment and finally Gerard himself appeared at the door way.
I stood up abruptly, covering my bare neck.
"Sugar, why didn't you come in?", he took my messy image in, "And where have you been?".
He closed the gap between us while I stepped back, "I was with Mikey".
"I know", he frowned at my clothes, "You took off in the morning and then I saw a picture...Is that my shoe on you waist?", he managed to grab the shoe that Mikey tied to the rope holding up my jeans.
"Yeah", I chuckled nervously, "I mixed them up in the morning"
"I figured that when I tried to put them on but why is it tied to a rope?", he smirked.
"Yeah, Mikey didn't have a belt", I shrugged, still biting my nails.
"Which leads me to my next question", I could tell Gerard was torn between curiosity and the urge to laugh, "Why are you wearing Mikey's clothes?"
"My clothes shrunk", I muttered under my breath.
"What drunk?", Gerard wrinkled his eyebrows.
"Shrunk!", I said loudly.
"A drunk shrunk?", Gerard was half smiling half frowning.
"No, my clothes shrunk", I explained, lowering my hands but then clasping them back to my neck.
"By a drunk?", he tilted his head in confusion.
"No!", I exclaimed, "My clothes got shrunk by the washer not by a drunk".
"Gotcha", Gerard made another step forward for me to take two back, "Why are you so uptight?"
"I'm not uptight", I forced out a smile, "Just thirsty. Are you thirsty? I'm thirsty. I wonder if Mikey is thirsty. And Bob too. And Ray, we all are thirsty and you? I'll go ask them".
I attempted to walk past him but he caught me in his arm, "Slow down honey, what's going on?".
"Nothing, I'm just...", he cut me off, "Thirsty. I know but what's wrong?".
I sighed, I guess I can't put it off any longer, "Oh Gee, I'm so sorry".
"About what?", he narrowed his eyes.
"I lost it and then we looked but it's gone!", I threw my arms around him.
"Lost what?", he hugged me back with hesitation.
"And Mikey said we have to find it and we looked but we didn't....and you'd be sad and I'm guilty and sorry", I tried doing it fast. Like removing a band aid, you just rip it off.
"What you lost? What Mikey said?", he tried to understand what I was saying but obviously struggled.
"The tag", I exclaimed, "I lost the tag and Mikey said you'd be sad and we looked all over but didn't found it".
It finally downed on him, "No, you didn't lost it".
Is he in denial? I heard denial is one of the 5 steps of grief, I struggled to remember which it was so I'd know how fast he progressed, "I don't remember which step it is".
"Step?", Gerard muttered, "What step?"
"5 steps of grief", I stumped my foot, frustrated he didn't understand, "I don't remember which one".
"Of what grief?", Gerard let me go and just looked like he's out of it.
"There's denial, anger, acceptance and some other shit but I don't remember in which order", I looked at him for an answer.
He blink at me, "What are you grieving for?".
"Not me. You", I said.
"You're grieving me?", he stuck his index finger in the middle of his chest.
"Not you, I'm guiilty", I sighed.
Gerard stared me blankly.
"The tag!", I cried.
Gerard's eyes lit up, "You weren't supposed to know...".
I yelled, cutting him off, "But I don't know! Mikey won't tell me".
"He didn't"?, gerard was so confused it wasn't funny, I was caught up in my own words. It happened to me when I was nervous, I'd say half sentences leaving the key words out, I knew I did it but didn't know how to stop, it's like my brain had a mind of it's own. Oh the irony.
"No, he said to trust him", I tried to calm myself down.
"Then how do you know about the tag?", he crossed his hands on his chest.
"I own it and lost it", I said pathetically.
"No, you didn't", Gerard smiled again.
"Yes I did. Stop denying move to accepting", I pouted.
"But you didn't", he insisted.
"Yeah I did. Face the music, Gee"
Gerard rolled his eyes at me, "Just shut up for a second".
I frowned. I hated when he told me to shut up, even when he said it with tenderness like he did now, it reminded me of my mother.
Gerard reached into his pocket and pulled out a medium sized blue velvet box.
I eyed it with suspicion, "For me?".
"No", he snickered, "For Bob".
"Skyler!", he exclaimed and pushed it into my hand.
"I don't deserve it. I always lose shit", I shook it next to my ear to hear what it sounds like, "Seriously, take it before I lose it".
"But you didn't", he stroked my cheek gently, "Open it".
I shrugged and opened the velvet box. It was my dog tag!!!!
"How could you?!", I cried out.
Gerard's shoulders hunched, "Hmm?".
"How could you fucking steal it?", I yelled, "I don't fucking believe you! Mikey and I were all over the state and you had it all along!", I waved the box in his face.
"That's where you've been all day", he whispered softly.
His tone caught me off guard so I lowered my octaves, "Yeah, Mikey said you'd be upset and I didn't want you to be sad".
"I love you so much!", he pulled me for a hug.
My jaw dropped open, "OK".
"I love you for not wanting me to be sad", he explained, "If you lost it I'd go insane and you care. I didn't think you care".
"Stupid", I smacked his arm. Hard, "I married you, how could you think I don't care?".
He shrugged, "I'm just glad you do care".
My gaze fell on the dog tag in the box, beneath his name was a new writing, when I looked closer I realized it was a date.
December 29th, 2003. I frowned slightly, wondering why he engraved this particular date.
"Skyler!", Gerard obviously noticed my frown, "Don't you like it?".
"I do", I smiled awkwardly, "I do"
"Then what's the fuck?", he pouted.
"Nothing. It's beautiful", I kissed his cheek, "Thanks".
Then his eyes widened, mouth opened and eyebrows shot to the sky, "You don't fucking remember, do you?"
I bit my lip, wondering what to do, "Of course I do, Gerard".
He threw his hands in the air, "I don't fucking believe you! You don't remember our wedding date!".
I swallowed hard, "Of course I do. Just not at that exact moment".
Gerard was outraged, "Oh cause it didn't crossed your mind".
I didn't know what to do except nod.
"You know what's the first thing I think about when some one mention December? or 29?", he crushed on the sofa.
I shook my head but he didn't look at me, "I think of our wedding!", he stood up and stormed off, "I was so stupid to think you care"
I stood there examining the dog tag, tears formed in my eyes out of frustration probably cause I cared. I cared too much.
I walked into Bob and Mikey's room, clothes were everywhere. I didn't even know they had that much.
Bob and Ray were in the middle of a heated argument, I watched them from the doorway.
"That is my hoodie!", Ray pulled the black hoodie out of Bob's hands.
"No...it's mine", Bob argued back.
"What the fuck?", Ray frowned at Bob, "It's been mine for years now"
"How could it be yours if it's mine?", Bob grabbed the hoodie from Ray.
"It just is", Ray pulled back.
"You gave me it for my birthday", Bob pulled harder.
"I don't remember giving you a fucking hoodie", Ray didn't buy it.
"You did!", Bob snickered.
"No I didn't"
"No I didn't".
The hoodie was being pulled back and forth.
"You can't take your gift back!", Bob was getting frustrated, his face turned red.
"I can", Ray's curls bounced when he tugged on the hoodie, "Cause it wasn't my gift"
"Prove it!", Bob suddenly relaxed.
"Just let it go", Ray snatched the hoodie.
"Gimme my birthday present!"
"It wasn't your fucking birthday present!".
"You hurt my feelings", Bob smirked, "How could you forget?".
Bob was a bad motherfucker, Ray never gave him a hoodie but he could convince monkey's they don't like bananas.
They pulled and snatched and grabbed and ended up ripping the hoodie in two.
Turns out it was actually Frank's hoodie.
Frank was a little bitch, when he ran out of space, he'd stuck shit in someone else's suitcase and accused them of stealing, so we all agreed that what Frank didn't know won't hurt him.
"We gotta fucking leave NOW", Ray was out of his mind. He was out of his mind every time they were leaving.
They would take ages to leave and Ray had a constant paranoia that they'd miss the flight. The shows would be cancelled. Kids disappointed. No one will ever buy the records. Their career would be ruined. We'll lose everything and die on the street.
Ray- a drama queen? Nah, what makes you think that?
"Shut the fuck up!", Bob was still worked up about the hoodie even though it wasn't his.
"We're. Gonna. Be. Late", Ray pouted.
"We're coming", Mikey was the first to drag out his suitcase.
Poor Mikey, he probably didn't even unpack it.
"Thank god", Ray threw his hands in the air and came over to hug me, "Take care, Skyling".
"You too, Ray", I squeezed him tight.
He grabbed his bags and waited till Mikey gave me a hug and a kiss and promised to call the minute they'd land.
They both were about to walked out of the door when Frank came in.
"Don't fuck around or we're gonna be late", Ray waved his finger in Frank's face.
Frank rolled his eyes and shrugged, "Just came by to say bye to my sunshine".
I laughed and jumped on him, "Be careful sunshine, I'm gonna need that back", he dropped me off by the sofa, "Let's go fuckers! Let's go!".
"The next motherfucking bitch to say that is gonna eat my socks for a month", Bob looked pissed off when he finally emerged from the room with his bags.
"Need a hand, princess?", Frankie used the fact that Bob's both hands were busy.
"I'm so making you limp", Bob growled at him and put down his bags to hug me, "Don't forget to call", he pulled my hair lightly.
"I won't, Bobo", I cooed, he made a face but smiled.
"Move your ass to the van, Bobo", Frank chuckled.
Bob made a sharp movement but I just pulled him for another hug.
Just then Gerard started piling his bags outside the bedroom door, Bob released me after kissing my forehead and went out of the door.
When Gerard came out, Frank took a few bags from him and carried them to the door only to come back and give me a super tight hug, "Shine on, sunshine".
"You too! And stay away from cold places!", I smiled.
"Skyler", he whined.
"Well, you know how easily you get sick"
"Yes, mom", he kissed me one last time and grabbed Gerard's bags he dropped by the door, he waited by the door for Gee.
"Bye", Gerard muttered when he passed by me without even looking at me.
"See you around", I shrugged.
Frank gave Gerard a funny look like what the fuck, Gerard shrugged and pushed him out of the door.
I closed the door behind them and rested my head on it.
It hurt me so much that he didn't kissed me goodbye knowing we won't see each other for months.
I'm aware that this chapter sucks but unless you review I won't know how to fix it and you'd be stuck reading crappy story (or maybe not...) review and make me happy :))