How frankie crashed Doris into me and the gentelman with the Afro hair...
One of the big and bigger team sat in the front seat, apparently he was called bear. For some reason I just didn't want to know why.
Holy motherfucking shit! Why do they need security anyway, it's not like the managers of Walmart are gonna kidnap them and hold them hostage until the entire rock world caves in, I pointed that out to Mikey, he responded by a shrug and 'tell me about it' kinda look.
I felt kinda sorry for them, I mean going from wandering the street of New York at any given time to having bear stalk them, must be hard, it was for me and I'm not even part of the band. Bear didn't give a fuck about me, as far as he was concerned I might as well get run over by an elephant but still it was awkward having him around.
We finally pulled in front of Walmart, it was in an isolated neighbourhood, and not many cars were in the parking lot, just about 3 or 4 so it promised us a people free store.
Frankie ran to grab a cart.
Bear freaked out and was kinda torn whether to run after Frankie or guard the remaining rock gods.
He decided that 2 safe ones are better that one crazy unsafe one and kept walking in front of us, having nervous twitches whenever he cast a glimpse on Frankie who was busy choosing a cart.
Frankie considered choosing the cart as underrated form of art, he just had to choose the perfect one, it's gotta be clean, good wheels (he hated carts that squeeked), one that rolled well.
I swear that if someone sane like Ray or Bob wouldn't go with us, he could spend hours choosing carts, but we needed them for our usual prank.
I don't even know why they came with us, I mean, we pranked them each and every time and still they just tagged along knowing the humiliation is yet to come. I guess they were there to make sure we don't get involved in too much troubles.
Frank had the ability to drew you in everything he does, if it's choosing a guitar of an unsqueeky cart.
So there we were comparing carts, taking a few for a ride around the parking lot, doing the weight tasting we usually did which basically meant that Frank and I stuck Mikey on a cart and run around the parking lot, if the cart tipped over, then we take some Other cart and if it's not tipping over then we have a winner.
After getting Mikey sprawled on the parking lot cement for about 6 times and bear breaking a sweat cause we injured one rock god, Frankie was finally pleased with the cart he choose, we named it Doris (for your mental well being please don't ask).
Doris was a good cart, polished without shit people usually forget in them, her wheels ran smoothly on the cement, she wasn't squeaky, her handle perfectly in shape, and she passed the weight test, Mikey didn't even shriek once.
Bear was loosing it by the time we entered the store, I guess the rock gods were safer in the store then running around the parking lot pushing a cart with a scared god in it.
Ray managed somehow to convince bear that he would better stay guard at the entrance and keep an eye one who's coming in then stalk us around.
"Ooh look at that top", I clasped my hands together when I spotted a cool black t-shirt. I grabbed it and stuck in for Ray to see, "What do you think?".
"It's too small for you", Ray shrugged, feeling the fabric.
"No, it's not", I made a face.
What is he saying...That I'm fucking fat?!
"It's a kiddie size, you need a 10", Ray scanned me with his eyes.
"You don't know what you're talking about", I placed my hands on my hips and pouted.
"It'll be too tight", Ray chuckled.
I decided to prove
Ray was right it was so tight I barely got my head through, and the shirt won't go past my shoulders.
So I was standing in the middle of the store blinded by the shirt with my arms above my head, caught in the sleeves of the shirt, I heard the motherfuckers stuff their giggles.
"Need help?", I heard Mikey cough himself back to normal.
"No", I struggled to get out but instead got even more tangled and my motherfucking hair kinda got involved too so it was really painful.
"Don't be stupid", Frank cracked up and grabbed the t-shirt plus my hair and pulled.
I screamed, "My hair!".
"Stand still", I heard Ray's muffled voice, like he covered his mouth with his hand.
"I'm standing", I screamed again, Frankie just pulled and pulled, but he pulled my hair too so I kept moving to minimize the ripping hair out.
At that point I was literally on my knees, sliding on the floor cause Frank pulled so hard.
Someone grabbed my waist and kept me rooted to the spot with their legs, it just added to the pain cause Frank pulled even harder.
Tears began forming in my eyes and I felt like between the shirt and the hair in my face and the screaming I'm gonna suffocate.
Frankie ended up pulling me out of whoever it was holding me and dragged me on the floor, my hands still over my head, tangled in the stupid shirt and half of my hair probably in his hands.
He pulled me through half of the aisle until the shirt finally came off.
I stayed lying on my face for a while, panting and breathing heavy.
"You OK?", Mikey crotched next to me.
"Yeah", I muttered while he helped me on my feet, he was smiling, "Motherfucker"
"What? It looked funny", he giggled.
"What exactly do you need?", Ray got down to business the minute he saw I was OK and alive.
"Shampoo", I put my hands through my hair.
"To the shampoo shit section", frankie raced to the 'shampoo shit section'.
I bit my lip, I was so torn between staying with Ray and acting like an adult and running with Mikey and Frank, it took me about a second to decide and less than 3 to catch up with Mikey and Frank.
I stood in front of the shampoo packed shelves, I swear, any kind of brand for any kind of hair known to men kind and monkeys was there!
Dry hair, undry hair, oily hair, salty hair, dyed hair, just a little dyed hair, split ends, split hairs, you name it they got it!
"Which one?", Ray finally caught up with us.
I shrugged, "Let me think".
Frankie and Mikey pulled all kind of bottles smelling them, tasting them.
But that was a bad idea and I should've learned my lesson not to taste shampoo Even if Frank convinced me strawberry shampoo actually tasted like strawberries. It didn't.
"Ugh, I still have shampoo-y taste in my mouth", I wiped my tongue on my palm but it didn't help much.
"Stop bitching and just chose one", Ray snapped, still trying to get out the shampoo Frankie poured into his hair.
"All you do is spread it around", I frowned at his hair, it looked kinda damp and sticky and white-ish, kinda like that part in there's something about Mary, when she put the cum in her hair.
"What you're laughing about?", Mikey approached me, I guess he managed to climb out of the trolley.
"Doesn't it look like Ray has cum in his hair?", I giggled, pointing at Ray's hair.
Mikey made a face and squinted to look closer, I got my answer when a huge grin lifted up the corner of his mouth.
"Where's Frank?", I looked around after taking two shampoo bottles off the shelves.
"He ran away with Doris", Mikey shrugged.
"Can we fucking go already?", Ray materialized behind us.
"I'm having trouble choosing between these two", I lifted the two bottles for Ray to see,
"Take this one", he pointed at my favorite brand of shampoo.
"But I wanna try this one", I waved the other one.
"Then take it", he said.
"But this one is my favorite", I pondered loudly.
"Then take it", Ray didn't seem to get the big deal.
"I wanna change it, I'm sick of the smell", I explained
"Then do it", he shrugged
"But it's like I'm betraying my favorite brand", I pouted.
"Then don't", Ray seemed kinda lost but Mikey nodded, "You don't do it to your hair products"
"Um...Then what's the difference between them?", Ray looked at the bottle in my left hand then at the bottle in my right.
"Wwell", I bit my lip, "This one smells like flowers and this one smells like bananas",
"Bananas have a smell?", Ray exclaimed.
"Here", I let him smell the liquid.
"Mmm...I suddenly have the urge for pancakes", he closed his eyes and licked his lips.
"Focus", I shook my head and let Mikey sniff the banana-y smell.
"OK, so what's the difference?", Ray snapped out of his pancake desires, "Except for the smell?".
"Well", I closed the cap after Mikey finished sniffing it.
I hated when people left the caps open, you should get arrested for that, "This one has vitamin C, E and lemon extract and this other one has an banana extract and vitamin E and C".
"So basically", Ray smirked, "They're the same but the smell".
"Almost. This one", I lifted one of the bottles, "Comes in a pretty bottle".
"So take the pretty bottle", Ray threw his hands in the air slightly.
"But I like this one more", I glanced sadly at the other shampoo, "If only it had a pretty bottle as well".
"There's no such thing as perfect", I could tell Ray is mocking me.
"This one has a prettier bottle", Mikey pointed to another purple bottle on the shelve.
"Ohhh you're right", I opened the cap and smelled it too, "It smells grape-ish".
"Grapes have a smell too?", Ray cried out in wonder.
"Here", Mikey passed him the bottle.
Ray pushed the bottle away, "Forget it, I'm not playing this game again, just take one and lets go".
"But which one?", I whined.
"Take your favorite", Ray crossed his arms on his chest and stroked a pose.
"But I wanna try something new", I was so indesisive! I mean, it took me like a second to marry Gerard but it can take me up to an hour to decide on shit like that...Then again, I was wasted when I married Gerard, booze make it easier for me to decide shit. Maybe I'll go have a drink in the booze isle and come back and decide on the shampoo.
"Then take the new crap", Ray filled his cheeks with air and breathed out.
"But I can't betray my favorite brand", I stumped my foot down.
"Then take the old one"
"But the banana-y smells so nice"
"Banana-y isn't a word, Skyler", Ray smirked at me.
"Yeah, it is", I argued back.
"No, it's not", Ray insisted.
"Actually it is, it's like banana with a twist", Mikey gave his knowledge opinion.
"Banana with a twist?", Ray frowned.
"Then define it", Ray was impossible, he just had to prove his point.
"Something that resembles a banana in smell, taste or shape", Mikey was a smart ass right back at him.
"Then you say banana like, not banana-y", Ray concluded.
"You can say it...", Mikey paused for a second, "If you're an ass. But if you're cool you say banana-y".
"Yeah", Ray nodded, "If you were dropped at birth on your head and can't speak motherfucking English"
"Whatever!", I exclaimed, "Can we save the English grammar for later?"
"Just choose one", Ray sighed.
"Which one?", I asked.
"Whatever, lets just go", Ray shrugged.
"The banana-y or my favorite?"
"The banana like-ish", I think he chose this one just so he could say banana like.
"Banana like-ish? You gotta be kidding me!!", Mikey snickered.
"At least I don't say banana-y", Ray wrinkled his eyebrows.
"Yeah, you say banana like-ish", Mikey chuckled.
"At least it's actually a word"
"Guys!", I kinda yelled. They could bicker for hours.
"Fuck! Just take this one", Ray grabbed the banana-y/banana like-ish shampoo from my left hand and stormed off.
I looked at Mikey, he shrugged, "That bottle is prettier".
We turned around the aisle only for a speeding cart to crush into us.
I took most of the blow cause Frankie came from the left side.
The motherfucker crashed into me in full speed, I felt a sharp pain in my side and fell on Mikey.
Frank kinda flew past the cart and crashed on top, plus a few hundred corn cans.
We didn't get to fully recover before some official looking lady came running to us, I thought that there goes the traditional kick out but instead she dropped to her knees and tended to each of us, helping us get up and brushing off dirt from our clothes.
"Are you OK?", she panicked and fussed.
"My side hurts", It real did. This really sharp pain.
"Let's go to my office", she looked flushed.
Mikey and Frank supported me to the lady's office in silent, it was really painful, like someone crashed a trolley into me in full force...Oh they actually did.
"Here", she handed me a bottle of water, "I'll go look for our paramedic".
and she ran out of the door, breathing was kinda painful to do, even sitting was hard to do.
I looked around the room, it was rather small with a few monitors showing different parts of the store, I guess it was the security room.
Mikey played with my hair and wore a worried expression, I don't know what he was worrying about, I'm sure the numbing pain would go away in a few minutes.
I also studied Frank's expression, he looked guilty and wouldn't meet my gaze.
"Maybe I should call Gerard", Frankie broke the silent, asking Mikey more then he was asking me.
"No", I exclaimed, wincing in pain.
"Skyler, don't be so stubborn", Mikey snapped softly.
"He wouldn't come anyway. Didn't you hear? He has an interview", I mimicked Gerard.
"I wish you weren't that hard on him", Mikey sighed, hugging my shoulders, "He loves you so much but you make it so hard for him sometimes"
I sipped my water and didn't say anything.
"He misses you a lot but you don't seem to care", Mikey spoke like he was bottling this inside for ages, "I wish you'd support him more"
"Am I that bad?", I tried to slump my shoulders but it hurt too much.
I don't know what hit me harder, the trolley or Mikey's words.
I didn't realize it was so hard for Gerard to be with me. I always knew how hard it was for me to deal with all his issues, I never thought I'm no picnic either.
Frank cleared his throat twice now so I turned my attention on him.
He smiled a little sly smile, "There're monitors here".
I stared at him, blinking a few times.
"Of the store", he explained, pointing at the monitors.
"And?", I asked, not getting what it has to do with anything.
"We can see Ray on them", the little sly smile turned into the big sly smile.
Frankie threw his hands in the air at my stupidity and walked over to the monitors, "There he is", he pointed on a little monitor on his left.
I stood up and walked over to see what he was talking about, exhaling in pain, Mikey followed me, holding my elbow for support.
Ray was in the frozen food section, looking at something and still holding my banana-y/banana like-ish shampoo in his hands.
Frankie spotted the mic on at the operating table and his face couldn't contain his sly smile anymore, he cleared his throat, pressed some button and leaned closer to the mic, "The gentleman with the Afro hair in the frozen food section, please stop masturbating".
We laughed hysterically as Ray spun around wildly, looking like a deer caught in the headlighst which didn't really convinced the people around him that he was doing nothing and they kept stepping away from him, looking disgusted.
After Frankie managed to shush us, which was torture for me cause I was crying in pain and in laughter all in the same time, and was able to control his voice, he pressed the button again, "The masturbating gentleman with the Afro hair in the frozen food section, please don't use the shampoo bottle for that kind of purpose".
We watched Ray drop the shampoo bottle and look for the person with the voice, he ran away from the frozen food section, people cleared the path for him when he came through.
I never laughed that hard in my life and neither did Frank and Mikey.
"Let me try", Mikey hold his cheeks in his palm to stop the laughing, Frankie stepped back, holding his stomach.
"The gentleman with the Afro hair in the video game section, the sign says coming soon not cumming soon, so please stop"
Someone coughed behind us, we spun around to see who (it was rather painful) and saw the lady, now flushed with anger, rather amused paramedic and not really amused security guard.
Here comes the usual kick out.