I miss the old you...The one who loved me...
I pulled the handle but it was locked, fucking Gerard and his need for privacy.
"What the fuck, man?", Frankie banged on the door.
I could hear him say something but figured out only: blood, pain and fuck, "He's hurt".
"Like himself?", Frankie frowned.
"That or he's crying for the sink", Bob rolled his eyes.
"Gee, let me in", I knocked softly.
Some muttering, a no and Mikey, "He wants you, Mikey", I shrugged.
"OK, let me in", Mikey yelled to his brother.
Some more yelping, fuck and a click of the door, Mikey slipped in and we stood back listening carefully.
I think we were all relived to hear Mikey laughing and Gerard informing his brother he's a fucking motherfucker.
Then they had a short conversation in hushed tones and Mikey escaped the bathroom, leaning on the door.
"What happened?", we all jumped to attention.
Mikey said something quietly, trying his best not to laugh.
"What?", Bob stepped closer to Mikey.
"He cut his balls", Mikey shrieked with giggles, Gerard pounded on the door.
"What balls?", I didn't get why would he take balls to the bathroom and cut them.
"His", Mikey gasped, trying to catch his breathe.
Bob found the whole thing funny and so did Frankie while Gerard kept banging on the door in protest.
"He has balls?", I asked.
They laughed even harder, "We kinda doubt that".
"So they aren't his?", how bizarre.
"No they are", Frank giggled like a school girl, "We just doubted he had them"
"I don't get it, then why is he yelping like a wounded dog?", I motioned on the door.
"Cause he cut his balls. Literally", Bob grabbed his own crouch.
My jaw dropped, I was torn between laughter and pity, I mean how much more ridiculous can this get?!
"Yeah", Mikey nodded, grinning, "Blood's everywhere, I don't know what to do".
I went to a SPR course prior to the tour because that was a requirement that all crew members know how to save a rock star from chocking on his coke and shit but never did they mention a balls cut, turns out any form of education leaves out the really useful stuff.
I pushed past Mikey and entered the little bathroom, Mikey was right, there was blood everywhere, I don't know how Gee managed that unless he was running around the room, there was even blood on the sink mirror, splashed out like in these horror movie.
Gerard, pale and panting sat on the toilet with his legs spread as wide as the jeans on his ankles allowed.
I tried my best to pull on a serious expression on my face and hurried to him, I crouched beside him, wanting to see how bad was the cut was when he wailed and shielded his fucking family jewels from me, "Gerard, let me see".
He shook his head, "Get one of the guys".
"Gee, there's nothing there I didn't see or taste before", I let him know with a wink.
He smiled faintly a lowered his hands a bit.
I tried to examine the cut and see how deep it is but couldn't because his whole crotch area was covered with blood, "Strip".
"Huh?", Gerard looked alarmed.
"I gotta wash it", I explained calmly, I would've made one hell of a nurse, "So take off your jeans and socks and shoes".
He nodded so I helped him slide off his jeans, socks and shoes and led him to the shower, I turned on the cold water and splashed it gently on him, Gerard groaned in relief.
After the water washed away the and the cut clotted, I was able to learn that it was just a little blade cut, "These days we cut wrists not balls, Gee", I turned to get antiseptic shit and a cotton ball.
He moaned, "Bob always complains I reek so I figured that by shaving I'll minimize the smell".
"So you're just a lazy ass", I poured some yellowish liquid on the cotton ball, I knew it's gonna sting the shit out of him, "Now this is gonna hurt so you can squeeze my arm as hard as you want, OK?"
He nodded and grabbed my arm, "On the count to three, OK Gerard?"
"One...Two...Three", I placed the cotton on his cut and winced more at the scream he let out then at how hard he groped my arm.
"Shh baby", I kissed him, "The worst is over now".
He was sweaty and in pain, I felt horrible for making fun at him before.
"Now do you want a band aid with the little bears?", I combed his hair with my fingers.
He didn't say much but buried his face in my stomach. For a while we froze in that position but I knew I had to plaster the band aid to keep infection out.
"It could be such an erotic scene", he smirked a little when I handled the band aid.
I laughed, "I bet. Can you walk?".
He stood up and wriggled himself like a penguin which caused me to laugh again, "Let's get you to bed?"
He nodded and opened the door where Bob, Mikey and Frankie stood, laughing and pointing.
"Aww let me see"
"Dude, your unbelievable"
"Did you get the bear band aid?"
"How's the little Gerards?"
"Couldn't you just masturbate with your hand like the rest of us?"
He flipped all of them off and wriggled himself to his bunk, I asked the guys to help me clean up the bathroom and followed him when we were done.
He was already dressed in his skeleton PJ and in his bunk, I knelt next to him and kissed him goodnight.
When I turned to leave, he didn't let go of my hand, "Spend the night with me".
I bit my lip, Ronald didn't liked to wake up and have no one to boss around.
"Come on, like when we used to be teenagers, when I'd sneak to your bed by midnight when your mom had night shifts and we slept together, just you and I and your 5456 teddy bears".
I smiled at the memory, I remembered the first time he did it, I almost freaked out in fear that my mother will come back earlier and kill both of us but so I kept hearing the key in the door or her car pull in the parking lot or see shadows and think it was her, Gerard always calmed me down with his soft kisses and hugs.
Eventually I got used to his soft knock on the door and how he kissed me gently when I opened the door and then took off his jacket and boots and crawl into my bed and hug me, sometimes we talked, other times we didn't, sometimes I let his fingers explore my hair and neck and eyes, other times I did it to him, sometimes we kissed and sometimes we just fell asleep the minute our heads touched the pillow.
And in the morning he used to wake up first and tickle me with his hair on my face, he left 2 hours before school started and then came back with Mikey to pick me up for school like we didn't just part.
It was all so innocent and I kinda missed that lately cause we didn't do it anymore, either he was out of the city or sleeping like a rock after partying all night.
So I smiled and crawled into his arms and spent the night talking about the past years and our childhood.
And I felt in peace cause in the middle all the chaos that was our lives I felt like I lost the old Gerard that used to write me little love messages in all of my text books and notebooks and walk me to every class and always bring extra food cause usually Ray stole mine.
The Gerard that always worried about me, even if we parted for just one period.