My body will force me to be satisfied with what my heart knows is not enough.
emzah108 - OMG O_o haha I'm so glad you like it! D: but I failed.. I didn't update soon >.< I'm sorryyyyy! I hope you keep reading anyway :)
alkenore - okay, first of all I LOVE YOU!!! you always comment new chappies! wooooo xDD! and uh, if you think that was the hottest chappie yet, you clearly haven't read this one yet O.o hehehe thanks!!
HeartxIcexBox531 - you said you love it in four different comments >.> wow you must either love the story or the clicky a lot... xDDD haha just playing, I love the clicky button a lot, myself.. ._. runs away from authors getting mad at the multilple posts from your authoress liking to press buttons more than once thank youuu xD
xxACoalminexx - you comment me a lot too! x3 hoorah I feel so loved! you agree with what everyone says? O_o much compliments. thanks ^^ sorry the wait was so long
WARNING: bits of boysecks, not for the faint of heart xD
DISCLAIMER: oh yeah, I'm not having an affair with the panic! boys, so I really don't know them or know if any of this happened. But you NEVER. KNOW.
Chapter 8: Was it the fire in your eyes that marked my skin or your teeth?
Heat. I must be drowning in heat. That's what this is, isn't it? That's all I can see, all I can hear, all I can touch and taste. Everything is Brendon, just like it always has been. I looked down and watched him slowly, clumsily unbutton my shirt, the tip of his tongue sticking out in concentration. But before I could help him the shirt was undone, and he was tearing the fabric from my skin with a desperate intensity, covering every, inch of me he could with open mouthed kisses, sucking lightly and then harshly on the sensitive skin. His tongue grazed lightly over my nipple and I gasped suddenly, back arching up to meet him with a low, guttural moan that I couldn't contain. He sucked lightly and swirled his tongue around the nub, before moving back up to my neck and biting the skin he found there. I moaned again at the feeling, shying away from the slight pain and pulling closer all at once. His hands moved to my sweat-slicked chest and slid downward slowly, rubbing circles down my sides as they got nearer and nearer to my belt.
At that moment he pulled away slightly, so that our bodies were lightly touching instead of fused together, and looked me straight in the eye, unwavering. I don't know how long he held my gaze like that, kneeling over me and consuming me with the wild fire in his eyes, before he leaned forward and crushed our lips together desperately. I moaned into the kiss and threaded my fingers through his hair to pull him even closer, forgetting to breathe. His hot tongue slipped between my lips and massaged my own, with complete satisfaction and yet still we both wanted to dominate. Brendon slowly pulled his tongue back, forcing mine to follow into the dark heat of his mouth before he sucked lightly on my tongue and I heard the sound of my belt coming undone. Heat rushed to my groin and I bucked my hips against him with need. His hand slipped under the hem of my jeans, closer and closer to my need, and when he was just inches away he looked up to meet my gaze... but what I saw there wasn't Brendon. There was none of the soft warmth, just fiery passion and desperate need... need that, in that moment, I knew could be fulfilled by anyone, not just myself. It wasn't me that he wanted... he just wanted anyone at all. And with the greatest surge of self control I have ever known, I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away, pushing him away from me. My mind was a wreck, and my body screamed in protest at losing the warmth and the heat. But no. This wasn't right, I couldn't do this. I wasn't drunk like Brendon was. I wanted more than Brendon wanted, more than he could ever give me. This might be enough for my body and my mind, but it wasn't enough for my heart.
"No, Bren," I whispered softly, eyes fixed to the crumpled bed sheets and not on the blazing orbs below me, "this is wrong. Get..." I choked, "... get out of here." Truth be told, I made no move to remove him from the room. It wasn't even my room, but I knew that I couldn't move if I wanted to. I was rooted to the spot in the depths of misery and embarrassment, and much as I wanted him to stay... I wanted him gone. I couldn't handle being near him at that moment. If he'd really wanted to, I don't think I could have stopped him. But when I finally forced myself to meet his gaze, I saw nothing but sadness and confusion there, tears welling lightly in the unfocused eyes. It's just because he's drunk, he doesn't really care. Remember that before you go and do something stupid like that, the voice in my head chided me. But I couldn't look away from those tears... those tears that broke my heart.
After what seemed like forever, he nodded so slightly that I could hardly tell he had, and stood shakily, leaning on the nightstand and then the wall for support as he stumbled from the room. I heard a crashing from somewhere around the front of the hotel room before the door slammed open and footfalls went racing down the hall. I sighed miserably, staring down at the bed sheets and then at the cheap wallpaper, wishing I could make what had just happened go away. Or at least wishing I could make other things go away... I glanced down my half-bared torso to my obvious erection. Wishing that my heart could have been satisfied with his touch, I reached down and began to pump, blood rushing through my body on high speed and self hatred pooling in my fingertips.