I spent most of the night crying in the bathroom, until Gerard woke up. I made up another stupid lie and he put me to bed. I could feel the sheets being slowly pulled away from me. Groggily agitated I looked over to find Gerard hogging the covers. I tried pulling them away but he had them tangled around his body. I sat up in bed shaking him. “Gee! You took all the covers from me!” He smiled ignoring me; I knew he was awake. I took the oversized pillow and hit him upside the head with it. “Heidi Paramore!” I giggled. “I had no other choice.” He leaned against the headboard; his hazel eyes staring into my brown ones. He scooted closer to me then wrapped his arms around me bringing me closer to him. I could feel his breath on my ear, it gave me chills. He whispered. “I love you. I’m falling in love with you Heidi.” I panicked. In love? With me? Not knowing how to respond I kissed him softly on the mouth, he was satisfied with it. Thank god. “Would you care if I went home?” I could feel his body tense up. “Go home? Do you not like the tour?” I shook my head. “No. That’s not it at all, the tour is fine. I just left things unfinished, ya know? Plus, I need a break…” He nodded his head making it seem like he understood. “Well, I guess its fine. When are you coming back?” I smiled knowing the plan would work. “I’ll be back in a month.” he cringed. I smiled at him. “It won’t be that long and I’ll call you every night. I’ll be back when you’re on break; we will spend lots of time together when I get back.” He sighed. “Okay. I’ll miss you though.” “I’ll miss you more than you know.”
A grin spread across my face.
Our last stop was in New Mexico, after that we headed for the airport. It was time for me to leave. We stood at gate 8; Gerard was devastated. I was devastated but for different reasons, I’m sure you know which ones. He held my face near his looking at me sternly. “Please don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want to lose you. I love you.” I felt like crying. “I won’t. Love you too.” I hugged him tightly and said my goodbyes to the band. The last one I made was to Frank of course. I couldn’t hide my emotions, I started balling when I looked at him. Both of them told me things would be the same when I got back, but a lot could change in a month. He placed his arms around my waist snuggly, I placed my arms around his neck. As we hugged he whispered in my ear. “I promise you will thank me for this. I promise things will be better. I’ll miss you to pieces; I love you Heidi Paramore.” Gerard cleared his throat nervously. I pulled away before saying I love you back, but I know he knows. I said one last goodbye to Gerard and made my way through security. I checked in my ticket and walked down the gray hall to the plane. I knew things would be different from that moment on. As we took off I held tightly onto the necklace Frank gave me.
I wish he was here.
Hours later the plane landed in Tulsa; my home. As soon as I stepped foot of the plane my confidence dropped. My guard was now…up. Nervously I strolled through the airport dreading my decision even more. I found my bags and took a seat on one of the uncomfortable steel benches. Before landing I called my brother to pick me up; I couldn’t see him anywhere. Getting angry quickly I dialed his number.
“Eric! Where the hell are you?” I yelled into the speaker. He coughed into the phone; he was smoking. I sighed. “It would be easier for you to remember things if you didn’t smoke weed!! How the hell do I get home now?” He laughed goofily. “You’re old friend said he would get you. That’s what mom told me….see, I remembered something.” I rolled my eyes. I could hear one of his dopy friends in the background Eric cracked up hysterically. “Eric, I love you. Lay off the weed.” “ Love you to Heid. I’ll quit.” I hung up knowing he was lying.
I sat on the steel bench still; I watched the chaos of the airport. My butt started to numb, I used that as an excuse to take a smoke. Before I could reach the outside someone was yelling my name.
“HEIDI! HEIDI!” It was a males voice, a very familiar voice. Swiftly I turned around to see the mystery person. As soon as my eyes fell on him I wanted to dart through the crowd away from him. He walked over confidently; he walked like a male model. His scruffy long hair fell in his face, his grey scarf swayed as he moved closer, when he pushed his hair away from his face I could see his deep blue eyes. I uttered to myself. “Julian.”
Julian must be the old friend Eric was talking about. Oh he was a friend alright, the one I lost my virginity to, the first to tell me he loved me , the first to kiss me, the first to hurt me, and I was hoping when I left that would be the last time I would see his face. He stopped in front of me, I could feel the ego pouring out of his pores. His smile said everything; I know I’m beautiful. With out saying a word he grabbed my bags, reluctantly I followed in behind him. This is the trouble I promised not to get into.
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