A guide for the cluless husband.
He was sooo annoying, Liz there and Liz this and Liz that, and how dare he compare her to Billy!
Billy was my friend no matter what Gerard thought.
So OK maybe we did some things we shouldn't have done, but still Billy was supporting me the only way he knew how.
Liz however, did nothing but being a whore and squealing around Gerard 24\7 and I couldn't believe how dared he say I'm jealous!!!!
I wasn't jealous! I have nothing to be jealous about! Even though he spends more time with her than with me. And even though he considered her as best friend and not me. And even though he tells her all his secrets. I'm not jealous!
So I was even more pissed to find out that she isn't present at the crew party, and the official reason was that she was watching movies, and you know who else told me he was gonna watch movies? Yup, my husband! Gerard fucking Way!
That just sent me through the roof! How could he do that to me knowing how I feel about her? I'm his motherfucking wife!
Your wife tells you she doesn't appreciate your new friends, you drop them. Your wife only knows how to make cereal, you eat cereal for the rest of your mortal life and smile.
Your wife tells you to heel, you heel and bark happily...No wait, wrong spiece...But the point is what your wife says-goes!
You do not disobey your wife because she's like second in command to god...And maybe your mother if you're sissy enough, I mean what he rather have? His 'best friend' or sex and cereal?
Seriously I don't know what goes through that little Gerard-ish head of his, besides comics.
So what I do when things spins beyond my control? No, not run and hide, the other one.
That's right! I drink and ignore my problems! But they're really not my problems...They will be Gerard's problems once I find my way off this chair...I forgot how I ended up there and why but what the hell, it's a comfortable chair...
Hey! Maybe that's the problem! Gerard doesn't go online...Well he does but not on the really interesting sites, all I have to do is just show him Liz's profile and make him see the light!
Alessa was staring at me...She was really dedicated and determined to stare funny at me, which I admire because she was completely wasted, "What are you looking at?".
"You just laughed...", she told me.
"Is it illegal to laugh?", I snickered, resting my head on her shoulder.
"No but it sounded funny".
"I do not laugh funny", I stated knowingly.
"It wasn't your usual a hamster having asthma laugh, it was like evil...You know how in cartoons when this evil person laughs and then you see lightning behind them?"
"Yeah so I'm waiting to see some lightning behind you", she shrugged, sending my head into a spinning spasm.
Whatever. As long as I have a plan to make Gerard see the light...Not lighting. Light!
"Another beer, ladies?", Pete crouched next to me and whipped out a six pack out of nowhere.
Whoa! Pete is a magician! How cool is that??,"Do another one".
"Another what?", Pete stood up and smiled.
"A magic trick", I whined, "Do it".
"Yeah, do it", Alessa popped another beer open and joined my begging.
Pete frowned at us and walked away.
"Poo!", I exclaimed.
Alessa kinda chucked, "Poo?".
"Yeah", I glared at her, "You scared the magician off".
"Me?!", she shrieked, "You were the one all evil on his ass!"
"I wasn't evil on anyone's ass", I pouted, "I wonder if I can spill beer from 2 bottles into my mouth".
I totally had the attention span of a hamster.
"Yeah you were all...muhahaha", Alessa argued.
"How can I be all muhahah and not even notice?", I reasoned with her.
Me. Reasoning with someone. After being responsible for the distinguish of beers on this side of town.
"I don't know", she leaned back in her chair.
I wonder if her chair was as comfortable as mine...But then again even if my chair wasn't comfortable I don't think I would get up. Or be able too.
"Hey guys, meet Steve", Sophie approached us with some tall guy.
Now there's a girl who could handle her drinking...Of course I could too, I was totally handling my drinking, I just had issues with stopping my drinking once I got started. But hey it's a party...Right?...Is it still the same party or is it some other party? Cause this party is going on for ages...
Oh so where I was? Oh yeah Sophie and her drinking problem...Wait, I didn't know Sophie had a drinking problem...Poor girl, she really shouldn't be here with all the booze flowing like a river...Ooh there's some song about rivers...How did it go? Drink me a river? But that doesn't make sense, how can you drink a river to someone? I guess you could drink a river if you really tried but not to someone...
Where the fuck was I?! Oh yeah Sophie...I don't know about her problem, she seems to be handling it well considering the situation...
Alessa and I followed Steve down some dark corridor, he was going to give us tattoos, turns out he's a tattoo artist which was awesome cause it's been a while since I got my tattoo and I wanted a new one.
Steve was carrying a little suitcase now, he seemed to whip it out of nowhere like Pete did with the beer. But I didn't want to ask him to do another trick cause it turned out to be a complete blah with Pete, who knew magicians are so touchy about their craft?!
I'll just have to pay closer attention and hope he does another trick.
He let us in a little room with bunch of chairs and a table, switched on the light and went to spread out his tools.
Alessa wanted to go first because she already knew what she wanted so I went to sit on the table but Steve scolded me and said that I can't sit there cause then the table won't be sterile.
So I skipped to one of the chairs scattered around the room. Just for the record they weren't nearly as comfortable as the ones we left behind.
Maybe I should get a chair tattoo? It would be one of a kind...How many people have a chair tattoo? Not many!
Now where should I have it? My lower back is occupied...Alessa was doing a bat on her wrist but I couldn't have shit on my wrist, it was too scarred to have something on...So maybe my forearm? Yup, my forearm would be cool...A chair on my forearm...
Frank would be so fucking jealous! He's not as original as I am....Pssh NJ on his lip?! I'm gonna have a fucking chair on my forearm!
Ooh I know! I can tattoo Gerard's name on my forearm! I'm gonna surprise him and then demand that he'll get rid of Liz because i sacrificed my forearm for him, he have to at least sacrifice Liz! I'm brilliant!
And besides he's my Gee Gee and I love my Gee Gee!
I don't know if Frank's still gonna be jealous...Well based on the whole 'Frerard' thingy, he would be.
But I still liked the whole chair thing, maybe I'll tattoo both the chair and gerard! Yeah it would be like Gerard's chair.
So needless to say I woke up with a hangover out of this motherfucking world. My forearm was bandaged and ached, it took me awhile to recall that a drunk guy named Steve gave me a tattoo.
"Show me yours", Alessa commanded the minute me and my hungover sat at the busy catering tent.
"Didn't you see me get it last night?", I frowned.
"And you honestly think I remember?", she smirked like I should've known better, "What did you ask for anyway?"
I racked my brain to remember, I recalled something about rivers and magician and beers and I hoped I didn't do anything stupid when it hit me, "I wanted a Gerard chair!"
"You what?!", Alessa exclaimed.
"Yeah. A chair with Gerard's name on it", I said miserably.
"You gotta be kidding", she shook her head in bewilderment.
"I can only wish", I slapped my myself on the forehead.
"Let me see", she tugged on my bandage.
"No", I pulled my arm away from her, "You're not supposed to open it".
She gawped at me, "You have a Gerard chair on your forearm, OK?"
Point taken. I let her unwrap the bandage.
"Eww", was my first respond to my latest tattoo.
Alessa just stared at it in disbelief.
It wasn't a chair...And it didn't have Gerard on it.
It was Gerald with a red cherry hanging from the G...Ew!
"Gerald?", Alessa muttered.
"With a cherry", I nodded like a zombie.
"What do I do now", I quickly wrapped the bandage back on and hid my hand under the table, "I can't have a Gerald on my forearm forever!"
"Call the dude, ask him to fix it", she shook her head still in shock.
"Can he?", I was really on the verge of tears, I didn't want to have an ugly tattoo where everyone could see it.
"It shouldn't be that hard, I mean the Gerald should be easy peasy to fix", Alessa gave me a sympathetic look, "And the cherry...Well, he can do something over it too".
"Where to I find him, anyway?", I grumbled.
"Ask Sophie, he's her friend".
"But we're leaving tonight and I'm working all day", I whined, but I was allowed to whine, I had a Gerald with a cherry tattooed on my forearm.
Alessa shrugged, "Anybody could fix it really, it doesn't have to be him".
"How did yours come out?", I sighed, at least the horror can be fixed and I wouldn't be stuck with a cherry Gerald on my forearm.
"It's a black bat", she shrugged, trying not to be too happy about her tattoo since I ended up with a Gerald cherry on my forearm, "Not much room for error"
After I finished working and tucked in Ronald and was officially free to do more bullshit, I decided to go and visit Frank, my very own tattoo master.
Not Gerald...Gerard, I was still uber pissed at him, I worked out that the whole thing was actually his fault!
Had he listened to me about Liz and ditched her, I wouldn't go to the party and get trashed, and if I didn't go to the party, I wouldn't have met Steve and if I didn't meet Steve after drinking ass load of booze I wouldn't have got the tattoo from hell. So it's his fault and I don't wanna talk to him.
I found Frank smoking outside their bus with Gerald and Bob, "Skybaby!", Frank waved his cigarette at me.
"Hi", I smiled to him and Bob and nodded at Gerald who rolled his eyes at me.
"Can I talk to you for a second", I asked Frankie.
"Me?", he frowned, looking confused, usually when someone had something to say, they said it in front of everybody, secrets were rare, "Sure".
"What happened to your arm?", Gerald turned his head away from me to blow out the smoke.
"Hmm?", I looked down, "Nothing".
"Skyler", he looked sternly at me, "What happened to your fucking arm".
"Nothing happened to me fucking arm", I clenched my jaw and tugged on the sleeve to try to cover up the bandage.
"Let me see", he stretched his hand to grab mine, when he touched my tattoo it kinda burned making me yelp a little, "What the fuck did you do to it".
"Nothing!", I exclaimed, snatching my arm from him.
"Let me see", he dumped his cigarette, not bothering to put it off first.
"Leave me the fuck alone", I kinda hid behind Bob, "It's nothing".
"I'm not kidding", he circled Bob a little who was still smoking like two grown people were not circling around him, "Let me see".
"I just wanna talk to Frankie", I shrieked, moving behind Frankie who was kinda staring at my arm too.
I pulled Frankie aside with Gerard hissing at me, "I swear if you cut again..."
"You do what?", I challenged him, "You couldn't stop me then and you can't stop me now".
His features kinda dropped like my words hurt him but I was too far to say anything now, I led Frank to a distant corner where I could still watch Gerald and he could see me, Bob was saying something to him and he was shaking his head slowly.
"Skyler were you cutting again?", Frankie gave me a hard look.
"No", I shook my head.
He gave me this look like he doesn't believe me.
"I swear I didn't"
I think that by cutting I kinda lost their trust in me, like it became such a personal subject.
They became alarm if I was upset or something and basically one of them always was with me if I went through hard times, and they didn't really believe me when I said I was fine.
It was like I couldn't be just sad, they were convinced that once I'm sad I also self destruct.
"Then what's with the bandage?", Frank pointed his cigarette at my forearm.
"I've got a tattoo", I sighed sadly, recalling the cherry Gerald.
"Oh", he nodded, taking another drag, "Why didn't you say so?".
"Because frankie", I moaned, "It's a complete shit".
Frankie cocked his head to the left, "What happened?".
"I got trashed at the party last night", I began unwrapping the bandage and dodging Frankie's disapproving glances, "And then Sophie introduced us to this guy Steve, who is an tattoo artist and we got tats".
"You got wasted and got a tattoo", here we go, "Are you fucking insane? How many fucking times did I tell you not to do it! Tattoos aren't fucking toys! They gotta mean something", I noticed Gerard from the corner of my eye, he wasn't even trying to pretend he's not trying to listen in on the conversation since Frankie raised his tone to a shriek, "It's something that stay with you forever!.."
"Alessa said it can be fixed", I muttered under my breathe.
"Fixed?!", he was waving his arms around now, "Fixed?! It's supposed to be special! Meaningful!How many fucking times have I told you that you gotta think it over! Make sure you'd love it ten hundred years from now and not fix it! And besides how fucking insane are you to get a tattoo while you're wasted?! What if the needles weren't sterilized? Or fuck! I don't even wanna think what could've happen!"
I finally unwrapped the bandages and revealed my ugly tattoo, Frankie leaned to take a closer look.
I could see his face break into a smirk, then a grin, then a beam and then he couldn't contain himself and started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing.
It was really uncomfortable, people were staring at us, even Bob tried to have a better look but Frankie didn't give a fuck, he was clutching my arm and bent in 3, laughing his ass off.
"Frankie stop", I whispered.
"Please sunshine", I pulled my arm behind my back.
-Hollering like a mad man-
"It's not funny", I pouted.
-Trouble breathing and severe case of overflowing tears-
"So if it's the complete shit, what did you ask for?", after 15 minutes Frankie was back to his semi self, however, he had to be seated on the ground for more support.
"I asked for a chair with Gerard's name on it", I said quietly.
He smiled, giggled and then I lost him again.
After he eventually calmed down, he promised to make a few phone calls to some friend of his to meet us at the next destination and fix the mess Steve made.
He made me promise not to ever do anything like that ever again in my life because he simply wouldn't take another laughing seizure like he had.
As for gerard, he promised not to tell him about the fact that I had his name tattooed until we get it fixed but he was allowed to tell him about the tattoo because as Frankie pointed out, Gerard was worried out of his mind about the bandage and stared at us the whole time we were talking (or laughing).