Tickle me to tears.
"Because I can", Gerard gave me this look like I can't so I looked around to see if we were alone, I came up with a better argument, "And cause I'm your wife",
"Can't argue with that", he came closer and kissed me.
"Hmm", he smelt so good, of soap and shampoo and just yummy, "You smell the shit".
"Umm I should sue the shampoo company then", he laughed.
I smiled and turned back to his computer screen.
"You became quite the computer geek during this tour", he chuckled softly.
"I know!", I exclaimed, he was so right it wasn't even funny, I discovered the perks of his fast Internet connection and an IM program, I made friends with people all over the world and kept in touch with everybody back at home.
I actually preferred disappearing somewhere with some one's computer instead of socializing.
He went to put away his showering stuff in his suitcase and I quickly logged on one of Liz's profiles.
I browsed around, smirking the whole time.
She had new photos up, of her and Alessa, of her and Sophie, of her and Mandy, of her and Gerard, of her and Gerard, of her and Gerard, just her, and then some more of her and Gerard.
I choose one picture of them eating ice cream with the 'Me and my coolest guy' caption underneath it and clicked on it to enlarge, I left it on the screen and got up to take a bottle water and in general look innocent like I didn't set the whole thing up.
It felt a little wrong setting up Gerard like this but it's his fault anyway, he left me no choice, everytime I mentioned liz, he'd get defensive and come up with million and one excuses why she's his best friend and I've been out in the sun for too long.
I pretended to go through the fridge when he got back from the bunk area.
He walked straight to me without pausing by the computer and hugged me from behind, "You wanna go grab something to eat?"
I frowned into the fridge, he fucking missed the whole point and now I gotta lure him there, "Don't you have a show?"
He hummed, "Not until 3. I hate doing day shows".
"I'm not hungry", I was racking my brain how to get him closer to the computer, not away.
"So what do you wanna do?", he grabbed the juice from behind me and drank it straight from the carton.
"You know Ray hates it when you do that", I informed him.
"I don't wanna your germs to die in my body", he mimicked Ray and we both laughed.
"I dunno", I bit my lip, feeling my little brain cells working overtime on how to get my husband to the computer, "Remember that game you told me about? Show me".
"Oh yeah! The sims", his eyes lit up as he dropped the juice carton on the counter, "My sims family are the Cholly's", he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the computer, "The teenage daughter is my favourite, because I just had her go through this Goth phase. She's really kind of nerdy and she just became a concert violinist, which is pretty huge for the family. And she got into private school. But she started wearing black lipstick and she dyed her hair purple. It's pretty huge...".
The screen saver faded into his picture with Liz and cut him off, he stared at the picture. I felt like rubbing it into his face but managed to keep a straight face and my cool. Just barely.
"It's just one of her Internet profiles", I leaned across him to show him the rest of the pictures.
He stood up sharply, "Why are you such a fucking bitch to her?"
His words cut through me, he never called me that, not ever, not even playfully, not even in the heat of the moment during our worst fights.
He knew it'll hurt me because I've been hearing it all through my adolescence and he knew it and he used it against me to protect Liz.
"I don't want her to use you", I murmured, looking down at my hands, biting back my tears.
"I can take care of myself, can you say the same?", he said harshly.
"I can, Gerard", I looked up at him.
"You're quite Ms. responsibility, getting drunk and getting a stupid tattoo", he smirked.
I don't know how he found out about it...Well Frank would be the obvious answer but I don't know how cause Frank won't tell me.
Him calling my tattoo stupid was just a blow below my studded belt, it was really nice now with swirly Gerard and thorns go out of his name and he made me feel dumb like I care more then I should,
"Well let's google you", he pushed past me and punched fiercefully on the keyboard.
Despite my anger and hurt I couldn't help but smile when he first typed Skyler Way into the search bar instead of Skyler Olsen, forgetting that no one actually knew we were married.
We got a few results, I gawped at the screen, I expected to see one of these 'did you mean blah blah?' when it doesnt find anything or you mistype shit but behold it actually have shit with Skyler Olsen.
The first one was a hate community, I stared at the screen. Why would I have a hate community? I'm not even famous.
Gerard scrolled past it. He's a funny guy that Gerard, one minute he calls me a bitch and the other he's scrolling down the page so I wouldn't notice the hate community and get upset so basically in his little world, it's OK when he's hurting me but other then him no one else is allowed, "Go back".
"Skyler", he moaned, "Just drop it".
"Go fucking back", I hissed at him.
"Click the motherfucking link", I exclaimed.
"Hey I know that girl!", the home page had a picture of me with that girl I met when Mikey and Gerard got mobbed by the fans...What was her name? Jill?...Jewel? Jillian! That's it! Motherfucking shit! I introduced her to her hero that night, making him sign anything she wanted and talk to him for ages and I even gave her my phone number!
Which was of course on my private facts page, which also included my favorite color and food and other shit.
"You like sushi?", Gerard turned to me like how dare you not tell me you like sushi.
"I guess we all reeked of sushi that night", I shrugged, it had all kinds of stuff that I didn't know that people knew or cared about like where I went to school and who are my other friends and all kinds of picture I had no idea were taken of me, some where at exclusive crew parties, others while I was working, pictures of me eating, drinking, talking to people.
I freaked out, I felt kinda violated and fear gripped me and squeezed my gut, how come I didn't feel that I was being watched.
Aren't you supposed to feel when people are following you? And why would they even want to follow me or hate me, I'm not famous, I'm not even a real photographer yet, I'm just a slave to one.
I got that being watched feeling at the pit of my stomach and kinda glanced around the bus half expecting a lunatic with a camera to snap pictures of me.
There was even a forum thingy there, debating whether I'm just a friend of the band or a big fat liar, everyone had an opinion, and they had proof too. Pictures of me and Mikey, me and Gerard, me and Frank, me and Ray, me and Bob, me and Pete proving that I actually dated Pete.
But overall the main opinion was that I'm a bitch for stealing their Gerard\Mikey\Frank\Bob\Ray.
But the fan fiction was the icing on the cake! Some killed me, some stole Gerard\Mikey\Frank\Ray\Bob away from me and left me heart broken and suicidal.
And again I felt this awful sensation of someone watching me.
I doubted I could ever go outside again without taking a double look.
"I wanna write a fan fiction too", I pushed Gerard a little, wanting him to scoot a bit so I could write me masterpiece.
"You what?", he chuckled, "You can't. That's stupid"
"Well I'm stupid and my tattoo is stupid and I want to write my stupid fan fiction", I pouted like an angry 5 year old.
"Sugar, I didn't mean it like that", he groped my hand and squeezed.
"Yeah just move", I avoided his look.
"Is it some kind of your twisted idea of revenge", he frowned at me.
"You should know", I snapped, "You wrote an entire album about it".
"Skyler", he gave me that look like he can't believe I said it.
"Move out of my fucking way", I whined, snatching my hand away from his.
"No", he crossed his arms, "It's my computer and I don't wanna you using it to write fan fiction".
"So now you're gonna tell me what to do?", I exclaimed, "Out of my way, Gerard", who he thinks he is? Since when are his stuff are only his stuff? I didn't hear him say that when he moved half of my room down to the basement just cause he wanted to make room for himself...he always claimed it was our stuff.
"Or what?!", he smirked at me.
"Or I'll fucking move you", I said.
"I'm taller then you", he stood up, I guess to emphasize how much taller he is. He wasn't that much taller by the way.
"I'm stronger then you", I smirked. I really was...Well I don't know if I was stronger then him, I never had to actually wrestle him, but I gave Frankie a hard time pining me to the ground and he was stronger then Gerard. Yes? No? Nah, probably not.
He snickered at my statement of strength so I pushed him, he kinda swayed on the spot, sporting a new deer caught in the headlight look, "Oh no you didn't".
"Yes I did", I pushed him again, more powerfully, "Whatcha gonna do about it, uncle jiggy?".
"I'm not gonna fight with a girl", he said calmly, stepping closer to me like he's not scared.
A girl?! I'll show him a girl! I pushed him harder.
He lost his balance and kinda fell on the sofa next to which we were standing, "Don't make me hurt you".
I had this horrible flashback of the dream with Bruce, I kept thinking of it, and every time I did, it gave me guilt trips for days at a time, "Oh you can give me your best shot, fucking princess".
Out of nowhere he grabbed me by the waist and pulled, I tripped and fell on him. His head was kinda between my breasts, making him smirk into my chest.
I pushed him down on the sofa and tried to get up but Gerard grabbed my arms and pulled me with him.
I tried to bite his arms but he knocked me straight in the teeth, I kicked, he punched. I slapped, he laughed.
And like the mature adults we are and not kinder garden drop outs we ended up
wrestling on the sofa
"Truce?", he kinda crossed my arms so I couldn't fight, "And I don't mean Bruce". I knew he's gonna tease me forever with this but I ignored his comment.
"Let me write my fan fiction on on YOUR computer?", I asked cautiously.
He shook his head.
"Then never", and I ended up kicking him in the balls, just like Frankie showed me.
Look innocent and fragile and then with one swift move send the motherfucker flying. I wonder what would he say if he knew I'd use his technique on Gerard...But anyway, I missed, I don't know how that was even possible, my leg was between his legs and I had perfect aim and still I managed to miss.
Gerard's balls gotta have some sort of balls guardian angel...But I guess the angel is sleeping from time to time, like when he cut them and when Frankie kicked him on stage...If I was him, I'd have serious angel doubting issues.
He sat on my legs but foolishly released my hands which I used to grab his ears and pull, I remembered Mrs. Iero use it on Frank when she wanted to make him do something, but it didn't work on Gerard, he just twisted my wrists off his ears with this what the fuck is wrong with you look.
Then he managed to use his eye-hand coordination and have me in knots.
I kept struggling and wriggling so Gerard resumed to the dirtiest technique in the book, the one that wins every war, the one you use when you have no other choice. Tickling.
He started tickling me, if I thought I was breathless before it was nothing compared to this.
I was laughing and shrieking and panting and every other action that involved breathing out but left out the breathing in part.
No wonder they used tickling to torment people back in the day, the fuckers knew what they were doing.
All of the sudden he stopped and looked down at me, I was still giggling.
"I love it so much when you laugh", he stroked my cheek gently, I was suprised at this change but smiled at him anyway.
Tears were streaming down my face from laughing so hard but he wiped them away tenderly and smiled, "Promise you'll laugh always no matter what".
I frowned, "What do you mean?"
He smoothed down my frown wrinkle, "Just whatever happens, promise you'd smile".
"You're scaring me", he really was.
He was talking like he was leaving somewhere, he'll get like this when he'd have a really long tour and he's not scheduled to come back home for a while. But this time it was something more, not just a long goodbye but like a life time goodbye.
"Gee, come to think of it, Japan is really not that far", maybe he's getting home sick, who could blame him? They were on the road countless months before this tour and in a few weeks, once this tour would be over they'd be heading to Japan for the first time.
"You're right", he smiled at me like you smile at a 5 year old who doesn't understand why her goldfish is floating on the water but you don't have the heart to tell her so you smile this pity smile at her, my gut clenched, what doesn't he tell me?, "But promise to always smile. I can't go without you promising me this".
"Gee, you'll be back", I assured him.
"Yeah, but I just wanna know that when I'm gone you won't ever cry", he lifted the corners of my mouth, "OK?".
I searched his eyes for some answers but they were blank and it scared me, it was kinda like he gave up. Gave up on what? Us? But I thought we were doing OK? Is it cause of my Bruce dream? Or Liz finally got what she wanted?.
He kissed me, I wanted to say something but he just lifted the corner of my mouth again and smiled, "Don't frown, smile baby", and he kissed me again, "I want my last image of you would be of a smiling you".
"Gee, it's another 2 weeks till Japan", I brushed the hair away from his eyes.
"Right", he nodded, "And I want to go knowing you're happy".
I kissed him. He was worrying me.
"Aw great, they're fucking", Frankie called out. Gerard and I froze.
"We're not", I managed to mutter.
Gerard shifted modes again and got up, straightening his wrinkled clothes, "She wanted to write a fan fiction on my computer".
"Cry baby", I smacked him, playing along.
"Just don't make us fuck each other", Ray reached out for the juice Gerard left out on the counter, he winced when he zipped it, "Which one of you motherfucking sluts drank it out of the carton?"
Everyone exchanged looks and shrugged
"Yeah I'm getting fucking sick of the whole Waycest thing", Mikey made a face.
"You starteded it", Gerard winked seductively at his brother.
"What did you want to write about?", Ray threw the juice in the trash with a disgusted twitch on his face.
I shrugged, "The high school ones seems to be popular".
I pushed past Gerard who was gawping at all of us and opened a new document where I could type my story.
"I don't believe you actually encourage this madness", Gerard shook his head, grabbed his cigarettes and stormed off the bus.
I shrugged at the boys, the boys shrugged at me, all but Bob who was reading a magazine with extremely concentrated look on his face.