Categories > Books > Peter Pan4 Reviews
All children, except two, grow up.
(#) Newts_of_Vengeance 2006-03-18 09:01:49 PMI really liked how you described things in this. I hope you continue, it seems like it could be very good! The only thing I can say about is that it's a little hard to follow. Put a line of "~~~~" or something when you switch PoV, heh, sometimes readers need very obvious cues to realize when there is a PoV change.
Oh, also, try to stay away from things like what you did with the leaves "(Wait, when did leaves fall? Isn't this place timeless?)". It's necessary and it breaks up the story's flow.
But other than that, everything is wonderful, I look forward to more!!
(#) The Scarlet Pervygirl 2006-07-20 09:00:03 PMDelicious. Barrie's Peter Pan reminds us, rather sharply sometimes, to view a fantastic world through the eyes of a child. All the things that are present and, more importantly, all the things that are not, sum up to the difference between a child and an adult. You, on the other hand, have written a story that views a child's world through the eyes of an adult. And all of the things that are present--the sensual view of Hook, the uncomfortable thought that something as beautiful and exciting as fallen leaves is something that indicates mortality and decay--remind adults that, contrary to Barrie's view, being adult doesn't mean no longer being able to taste being alive; it just means tastes, like Wendys, have changed. It's not what's present or absent: it's what's tasted and what's not.