My lame attempt to make everything go "back to normal" for Rachel... I suck. I know... But review anyway :)
I sat on the couch with my Mum, eating chocolate chip ice cream out of the tub while watching reruns of Will & Grace.
My Mum and I had grown considerably closer since the whole ‘Dad’ thing.
Things were starting to settle, things were starting to go back to normal.
Besides the fact of Gerard.
I told my Mum about everything, and she clearly stated her opinion, saying “Kara sounds like a skank.”
I laughed and told her how true she is.
I took another huge spoonful and shoved it into my mouth.
“You should probably talk to Gerard about all this.” Mum said suddenly.
“Do we have to talk about this? I thought we agreed to drop the subject over an hour ago!” I moaned.
“I’m just saying… Gerard probably feels bad about all of this.” Mum defended.
“Probably?” I asked sarcastically.
“I’m not Gerard, so I don’t know how he feels. But I’m guessing he would feel bad…” Mum said questioningly, shoving more ice cream into her mouth.
I shrugged and looked back at the TV screen.
“And I can tell that it’s killing you inside that you and Gerard aren’t talking.” Mum smiled.
“It might be.” I shrugged.
“You should go talk to him tomorrow.” Mum suggested.
“Or, you could go now? It’s not that late… And it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been out late to go see him…” Mum said.
I looked at her with my mouth hung open slightly.
“Yeah, I know how you two used to sneak out to the lake. You can’t fool me, I know all.” Mum giggled.
I smiled and stood up.
“You keep thinking that.” I laughed, grabbing my coat and walking towards the door.
“I shouldn’t be long.” I announced, putting on my coat.
“Do you want me to drive you? It’s starting to get dark outside.” Mum called out.
“Nah, it’s fine. It’s not that far.” I yelled before closing the door and walking into the cool, approaching night…
“How long are you planning on not talking to Gerard for?” Mikey sighed, coming up behind me.
We both sat on Mikey’s bedroom floor.
Yeah, okay. So I chickened out in talking to Gerard. Okay? No big deal.
“As long as I want.” I smiled childishly.
Mikey rolled his eyes.
“Do you even know what all of this is about?” I asked, suddenly interested in Mikey’s presence.
“Yeah, Gerard talked to me about it last night… He screwed up Rachel, and he knows that, he admits that.” Mikey said softly.
“So? What am I meant to do about it?” I replied bitchily.
“Talk to him Rachel. Listen to him… Some of the stuff he told me last night, I don’t think he’s even told anyone about before. Not even you.” Mikey suggested.
“Stuff like what?” I asked softly.
“His feelings towards you. Rachel, you don’t understand how much that guy really loves you… Some of the things he said, yeah, it was all mushy and sick, but it was, really sweet and romantic… And this is coming from me!” Mikey smiled.
I looked down, feeling suddenly very guilty.
“He admits, that there is some feelings for Kara still in him… Who knows the fuck why, but he feels, well, he feels terrible about it. Like he’s let you down. He feels pathetic, he – Hang on! Why am I telling you this?! Go in there and let him tell you himself!” Mikey said loudly.
Mikey stood up from sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bedroom floor and grabbed a firm hold of my arm.
He yanked painfully on my arm in an attempt to get me up.
I yelped in pain.
“Calm the fuck down Mikey! You’re going to rip my fucking arm out of it’s socket!” I screamed, brushing Mikey’s hand off and standing up myself.
I stood awkwardly.
“GO!” Mikey hissed, shoving me forward, keeping his hands on my back and pushing me along to Gerard’s bedroom door.
Mikey knocked loudly three times on the hard wooden door and fled from behind me.
My eyes widened and I looked back for Mikey, who had his head poking out of his bedroom.
I heard the door open in front of me and I snapped my head around.
Gerard looked at me suspiciously.
“What do you want?” Gerard asked groggily, his hair sticking up in every which way possible.
My suspicions were, that he had just woken from a nap.
“I, think we need to talk.” I said softly.
“Oh, so you want to talk to me now? What, it’s only okay to talk when it’s alright with you?” Gerard snapped sarcastically.
“You know what? Why am I even trying?” I said angrily.
I turned around to make a start on the stairs.
“I’m going Mikey!” I called out just before I went to take a step toward the small staircase.
“Please don’t leave.” Gerard whispered, grabbing my arm in an attempt to stop me.
I turned around slowly and looked into Gerard’s eyes.
“We need to talk.” Gerard nodded quietly.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath out before walking into Gerard’s dark and spacious bedroom.
I sat down awkwardly on Gerard’s double bed as Gerard softly closed the door.
“Okay, so, I’ll start…” Gerard started, walking over and sitting next to me on the bed.
“So, I’ve been thinking lately… And it’s occurred to me, that I haven’t been the most excellent boyfriend to you. In fact, yeah, not that good…” Gerard continued before pausing.
Gerard sighed loudly.
“I was talking to Mikey last night, and, we talked about all this in depth stuff… It was nice to have a conversation like that with my baby brother again…” Gerard smiled.
“But yeah, anyway… I told him stuff that I never told anyone before... And, I think you should know…” Gerard said softly.
He shifted around so he was facing me, and gently took my hands in his.
“I’ve told you I love you, but, it’s more than that Rachel… I, honestly feel that I could not live without you. These last couple of days when you’ve been, well, pissed off at me, I… I dunno. I just feel, depressed. Not that same.
I need you Rachel, for whatever that reason need be, I need you. Whether it’s just to hear your voice, or to see your beautiful face, I need that to make me feel complete again…” Gerard explained softly.
I blushed slightly, and looked down.
“You probably think I’m just saying this to suck up to you so you won’t be mad at me anymore… But I’m honestly not. It’s the truth Rachel.” Gerard smiled.
“So yeah, there is still some part of me that has feelings towards Kara, but you don’t need to worry about them. Because you’re all I want. I don’t need Kara, I’ve got anything I need right here sitting in front of me.” Gerard confessed.
I grinned slightly.
“Kara might seem like a threat, but there’s no way I’m going to let her get in the way of us…” Gerard whispered.
“When you’re near me, I feel, like everything will be okay. Because you’re there. Every time I look at you, or talk to you, or hear you laugh, or see you smile, I fall in love with you all over again… And that’s how I feel. Because to me, there’s no one else in this world that could possibly make me as happy as you do Rachel.” Gerard sweetly said.
I looked up at him slowly with tears starting to fill my eyes.
“You mean everything to me.” Gerard whispered before carefully placing his lips onto mine.
I closed my eyes and softly kissed back.
“I’m sorry for making you feel like I’m gonna go back to Kara… I’m sorry for being a shitty boyfriend. I promise I’ll be a better boyfriend from now on.” Gerard said gently, embracing me softly and stroking my hair.
“I love you.” I whispered, letting myself give in.
“I love you too. And I always will. Always and forever…” Gerard whispered back, gently kissing my shoulder…