“It seems to me you should go with the movie thing.” ??? “Huh?” I asked. “You know, you go to him and tell him you love him and miss him and he holds you in his arms, and dips yo...
I sat at home on my bed thinking that night. I thought about how Scott had been speechless after I did what I did at B&N. I just walked out. It wasn't something I would normally do, but then again nothing has been normal lately.
I turned on my radio hoping for something to take my mind off of Scott.
"Here is pretty boy, foriegn hunk, Enrique Iglesias with his latest song 'Do you know?' also called the ping pong song!"
I wore a puzzled look as I thought about why people would call it the ping pong song, but then it started out with the beat and guess what the beat was?
the sound of ping pong. like click, click, on the ping pong table.
Then it got good with added synths and then the vocals started.
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
I glared at my radio. Yes I do know what it feels like.
I kept listening to see if it got any better.
how can I love you
how can I love you
how can I love you
how can I love you,
if you just don't talk to me babe?
That's when I shut off my radio.
The phone rang, it was Julia.
"It's just so dark. I like it, but it gets old." said Julia describing her problem with Anthony's look.
"Well I think it fits his personality but if you really want to tell him how you feel then go ahead." I replied not really caring.
"I think I will. Well I think you did great tonight Jem, I really do." She was talking about my slam on Scott. I told her about it earlier.
"Thanks, but I'm still upset." I said truthfully. Even though I had the courage to step up, inside I was still hurt.
"I'm sorry. Hey, I have to go. I'll talk to you later okay?"
"Okay." I hung up.
What was I going to do? Julia couldn't talk, Scott was out of the question, and I had no one to go to...
But then my cell phone rang. I answered it.
"Hey Jem, lets go out. I'll be there in five minutes."
It was Rachel. Before I had the chance to say anything, she hung up. Normally I would have protested, but I really felt like doing something, whatever that something was. I put on some jeans a tank top, and a zip up hoodie not knowing what to expect. I walked out into the living room where my mom was in her chair reading a book.
"Mom, Rachel and I are going to hang out."
"Okay, just be back by 11 or so."
"I will." I said heading out the door and sitting on the porch. I looked at my watch.
I watched the sun go down as a warm breeze welcomed me. I sighed and thought about what I should do next. With Scott I mean. I was so confused I didn't know what direction to head in.
Just then a white saturn pulled up. It was her.
She honked twice and I walked to the car. I opened the door to see her dancing to Ice Ice baby. She turned it down a little.
"Hey Jem," she said, "Are you ready to get your party on?"
The word was foriegn to me. Sure I'd been to one or two "parties" but they were lame junior high parties. Even Julia had been to some high school keggers, post-games, and knock-ups. (none of which she did anything stupid mind you.)
The thing was, I would have been a little nervous going to my first high school party, but this wasn't a high school party. This was a college party. That's right college. I know what you're thinking: Rachel's in College??
Technecly I wouldn't say it's college, but it's beauty school. She has two more years before she becomes a hairdresser. She's pretty good at it too. She's friends with just about everyone in every college, grad school, serority, or fraternity that ever exsisted within the state, so this wasn't a crumby beauty school party, it was a united college kegger. (UCK as Rachel likes to call it.)
"p-p-p-party?" I sputtered out.
“Ya! The most kick-ass UCK of the year!” She excitedly clapped her hands and started to drive.
She popped in a piece of bubble gum and offered me a piece that I declined.
“You should be pumped,” she said, obviously noticing my not-so-enthusiastic reaction. “I mean college parties are so much better than high school parties.”
“It’s not like I would know the difference.” I said taking a deep breath.
“You mean you’ve never been to a party?”
“Well, you know in 6th grade I went to Kayla Brandley’s 12th birthday party, and in 8th grade I went to Julia’s Halloween party, and Julia’s birthday parties over the years…”
“Jem, this is a bit different.” she said with a laugh.
I was aware.
After a while we pulled up to some huge house with lights and lazors and music and people. Lot’s of people. There was a sign on the door that read:
Come on in to Brian’s party!
IT’S OPEN HOUSE!!!
Rachel opened the door and there were people dancing, talking, and drinking. There were house plants and a spiral staircase. There were kegs and cups in the kitchen. Oh boy.
Play it cool Jemma, just play it cool. You’ve been to thousands of parties, just keep saying that in your head…
“RACHEL!!! HOW ARE YOU??” shouted a guy handing Rachel a cup of beer.
“I’M DOING GOOD! THIS IS MY FRIEND JEMMA!” she replied gesturing to me. The reason everyone was shouting is because the music was so loud.
“HI JEMMA I’M BRIAN! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TURN THAT DOWN A LITTLE?!??!” He yelled to the stereo. Some girl standing next to it turned it down so that we could here each other a little better.
“Sorry about that.” he said still talking loud, but not shouting. Brian was tall, tan, and a brunette. Brain was not bad looking, but nothing particularly special.
“It’s okay.” I said.
“Where do you go?” he asked me.
“Oh, I go to Bri-”
“She goes to beauty school with me.” said Rachel. What was she doing?
“Awesome! Well I have guests to attend to.” he said, and with that, Brian was off talking to his fellow quarterbacks, cheerleaders, and roomies.
“Jem, you have to pretend you go to college. People wouldn’t be in such a good spirit if they knew you were in high school.”
“I don’t try to understand university rules, I simply enforce them.” she said with a sip of her beer.
“Whatever.” I said. Rachel handed me a beer. I muttered a small “thanks” and looked around.
“Hey Rachel!” This outburst was from a blonde girl wearing a pink miniskirt, (and I mean mini) and a white crop top.
“Tina! How are you?” Rachel excitedly replied.
“Great! Lets go outside.” she said.
Rachel looked at me with a face that said “Is it okay?” and I gave her a look that said “sure.”
And then I was alone.
Well, I had the house plant.
“DUDE YOU ARE CRAZY! Tom Cruise is a PANSY!!!”
“Whatever!! Adam Sandler is a retarded! Tom is buff!”
“Adam would kick Cruise’s ass!” some fraternity dudes were battling it out.
And apparently Adam would kick Cruise’s ass.
I gradually poured some of the beer into the houseplant little by little, trying a sip every once and a while until my cup was empty and I threw it away. Twenty minutes passed, then thirty, then thirty five. I noticed some guys playing a drinking game called “Kill the Duck” which I didn’t even pretend to understand.
I walked threw the house until I saw a sliding glass door that led to the back yard. I opened it and went outside. There were less people out here but still a lot. They had tiki torches and bug zappers, but other than that, it was pretty dark. The songs were different out there because there was a different stereo. The current song was “lips of an angel”. Not my favorite, but okay.
I walked out and sat on the steps. Rachel was encircled by a group of people, telling them a funny story, as I could tell by their laughter.
“Are you Sandra?” asked a girl wearing all black with a bunch of peircings.
“Me?” I asked.
“Ya. Are you Sandra?” she asked again.
“No.” I said.
“Oh, sorry you look just like this girl I went to high school with.” she said sitting down next to me.
“Oh.” I said.
“So, who are you?”
“Jemma. Who are you?”
“I’m Sherry” she replied. This girl was kind of creeping me out. She was wearing all black and had black hair.
“So where do you go? No wait let me guess, I have physic powers.”
This girl was REALLY creeping me out.
She started to rub her temples with her eyes closed. Right when I was getting ready to bolt, she opened her eyes and gave a puzzled look.
“You go to CCU?”
“Ya! How did you know?” I decided to go with it for a while.
She looked pleased with herself.
“I told you I’m physic”
It took every fiber in my being not to laugh. She was physic. Riiiiiiiiiiight.
“You’re troubled.” she said with another puzzled look.
“Well, kind of.” This was the truth.
“It’s a boy, isn’t it.”
“Ya, how did you….”
“Physic” we both said in unison.
“It’s just my intuitive nature. Now, what happened with this boy?”
“Well,” I asked myself, what did happen with this boy? Scott had come into my life, raised my hopes, and sure I may have screwed up a little with the whole ‘Kristen things we’re more then friends hardy har-har’ thing, but he totally over reacted. And I just couldn’t seem to get over that.
“He was new this year, and we became good friends, and I really liked him. He liked me too.” as I said it, I realized it. I mean, sure it was kind of obvious but I hadn’t really thought about it completely.
“Well, I said some things, and we got into kind of a fight, and now it’s completely messed up. I think I’m in love with him and I just want it to be the way it used to.” Sherry really seemed to be listening intently.
“It seems to me you should go with the movie thing.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“You know, you go to him and tell him you love him and miss him and he holds you in his arms, and dips you into a long passionate kiss. Just like in the movies.” she said.
That sounded very appealing.
And very frightening.
“I don’t know.” Just then I saw Rachel coming my way.
“Are you having fun Jem?” she asked, with a hint of curiosity in her voice. (probably because she saw me with sherry.)
“Ya.” I said, half true, mostly not.
“Okay well I’m going to be over there.” she said pointing to the other side of the yard.
“Okay.” I replied, at least she wasn’t completely ignoring me.
“So really, you should go to him. I have to go now, I can sense my friend needing help in there. Goodbye Jemma.” she said, and to my surprise, bowed. I awkwardly half bowed back to her before she went back inside.
I looked around some more to see if I knew anyone there at all. Nope.
Twenty more minutes flew by. A group of three boys walked up to me.
“Hey, you in?” I didn’t know what he meant or who he was, but then I saw him with a tiny plastic bag in his hand, containing some sort of substance.
I suddenly became a little nervous.
Okay very nervous.
“Umm, no thank you.” I said. One gave kind of a chuckle.
“Come on, it makes you fly.” he said with a grin.
“No thanks.” I said. I swiftly walked over to Rachel.
“Rachel? Do you mind if we leave now?”
I wasn’t having fun, and I didn’t want anything to happen, and I didn’t want to get in trouble. I wanted to leave.
“Umm, sure thing Jem, just wait here for a minute I’m going to say goodbye to Brian and get my jacket. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” I said as she went back inside. All of a sudden I felt kind of scared. Like a child without it’s mother. I looked around hoping for her to return.
The guy who had offered me the drugs had approached me again. Where are you Rachel?
“Come on Baby you know you want some. It makes you fly.” He got really close to me, and put his arms around my waist. He was about three inches taller than me, with longish hair. I felt so uncomfortable.
“Your really pretty.” He said.
“Please leave me alone.” I said. He was obviously high and drunk. I took his arms off my waist. He backed up a little.
Rachel came back out.
“Ready?” she said.
“Yes.” I replied. She gave a vicious look to the drug guy. I was thankful. We walked across the yard and got in the car. I felt safe again. I guess that’s the party experience.
“Look, I’m sorry if you didn’t have fun, and I know why you wanted to leave. That guy was a jerk and definitely has no future in store for him.” Said Rachel.
Those were probably the most comforting words she had ever said to me. I just then realized how nice she was being. She didn’t complain about me wanting to leave, or give it a second thought.
“Hey, what time do you have to be home?”
“It’s like nine forty-five. Do you want to hang at my house for a little while?” she asked me.
“Sure.” I replied.
We started to drive and I suddenly felt proud of Rachel, she wasn’t drunk or high or anything. She was actually pretty responsible.
She started looking through some CD’s and then popped in some Hanson. We cranked Mm-bop all the way to her house.
I noticed that Rachel’s house had many of her school photo’s framed oh so neatly going in order from youngest to oldest on the staircase, accompanied by some family portraits including her, her mother, and her dad. She was an only child. Her house was very neat. There was lots of white furniture, and everything seemed to be spick and span, and to be honest, dull. That is, until we got into her room.
Her room was pretty clean also, with a shirt flung on the floor here and there, but dull It was not. The walls were painted Orange, with Red Tiger stripes all over it. Her bead spread was matching orange with red polka dots on it, and the edge of the blankets had red fur on it. It seemed there was color everywhere, and lots of fur. Fur rimmed lamp shade, fur rimed bed posts, and even a fur rimmed desk. The weird thing about it though, is that it wasn’t tacky, it was…cool. I didn’t really get how, because I would never choose anything like it, but I loved it.
“This, is my humble fortress. Until I get my own place that is.” She said.
“It’s, amazing.” I said.
There were so many pictures everywhere, with colorful frames, and yes some of them rimmed with fur. So many cheerleader poses, so many school play casts, so many boys with there arms around her, so many memories. I picked one up with her sitting on a couch laughing with a boy, and him with his arms around her.
“That’s Jeff.” Rachel said with a smile.
“Who’s he, and him, and him?” I asked pointing to other various boy pictures.
“You see, most girls throw out pictures of boyfriends after they break up. But, I don’t see why you should just throw away the memory. You should remember the good times you had together. So I keep all my pictures.”
It was an interesting theory, keeping pictures. All pictures.
“If your wondering, I’m not dating Jeff anymore, he liked his other girlfriend better.” she said taking a swig of coke that had been sitting on her desk.
“I’m sorry. That’s horrible.” I said taking a seat on her bed. I was surprised I had never heard about Jeff, since she usually blubbered about all her failed relationships behind the counter at the B&N café. She sat down next to me.
“It’s okay. I’m single right now, and I’m actually liking it.” she said with a grin.
“That’s good.” I said.
“So, listen Jem, what is going on with Scott?”
“I should have just told him how I felt. When I had pretended to think the idea of us together was stupid, it ruined everything. If I had been honest from the start, maybe things would have been different. And now he’s happy as can be holding Kristine in his arms.”
I let out a sigh.
“Well, you know it’s not too late.”
“It’s not to late to tell him how you feel. You said you just want to be honest right?”
“Well ya, but-”
“So tell him you just want to be friends, that you want to be more than friends. That you hate Kristine. That you screwed up and so did he. Just tell him everything. Tell him what you’re telling me.”
I had been pretty stupid. It was the simplest thing in the world, and it had gone right over my head. I needed to tell him.
“You know, you’re right.”
“Yes, yes, I know.” she said matter-of-factly.
“When should I tell him?”
She grabbed her keys off of her desk and smiled.