Andy's home for the night, but things have been so tense lately. What happened? [Andy oneshot]
[/I could use another cigarette
but don't worry daddy, I'm not addicted
My trembling hands crush the empty cigarette carton. The cold Chicago wind whips around my face. This thin jacket I'm wearing doesn't provide any warmth, but I don't care. It's a cloudy night. The stars are completely obscured by the clouds, although a silver shining moon peeks from behind thin wisps. I exhale smoke through my nose slowly, thinking of you. Automatically, I tense, gripping the wooden railing of my apartment's balcony.
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you
like you were mine.
You're miles away, touring the country with your bandmates. I love your music, but loneliness is a high price to pay. I mean, it's not that I'm dating Pete - thank God - but no one wants to share their boyfriend with fangirls.
"Hey," comes a soft voice from the doorway. "I'm home."
I don't even turn my head.
"Aly, what's with the cold shoulder? I thought I'd surprise you - I'm home for tonight." You put your calloused hands on my shoulders.
I shake them off. "Yeah, but the bed'll be empty in the morning."
"Just let us be happy tonight," you plead, arms hanging uselessly by your sides. "I'm not home often."
"I know," I say too quickly. "I missed you."
The words hang awkwardly in the silent air.
All your stormy words have barely broken
and you sound like thunder though
you've barely spoken.
Oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God
'cause a clear sky just wouldn't feel right.
I take another deep breath of smoke.
"You know, when you die of lung cancer, I'm just gonna say 'I told you so,'" you joke, trying to mask your anger and frustration.
"My grandma died of lung cancer."
I look up at the sky. The thick clouds hang low, and it smells like rain. A raindrop lands on my nose. "Let's head in."
Silently, you follow me inside, and take a seat next to me on the couch. I snuggle closer, resting my head on your shoulder.
"Aly . . . what'd I do wrong?"
He's taken and leaving
but I keep believing
that he's gonna come round soon.
I sigh. "You didn't do anything, Andy."
"Then what went wrong?"
"Your band got famous. You began touring the country. I think your music's great, and your bandmates are nice. But I'm all alone here, and I hate sharing you with the rest of the world. When you're a thousand miles away, and I'm alone in bed, it's not hard to imagine what you could be doing with another girl."
"But I wouldn't -"
"Andy, I know that. But try not imagining every now and then. When I'm alone, and you're famous. . . "
You may be my final match
'Cause I chase everything when you play
Throw and I play catch
It never took much to keep me satisfied
But all the bullshit you feed me you miss me
You need me
This hungry heart will not subside
I let the sentence hang. It's reassuring to see your shocked expression.
"I would never . . . you thought that I . . . Oh, Aly. I love you." Your tattooed arms envelope me in a great bear hug. "I love you. Don't ever think I'm gonna stop."
I hug back. "I love you too.You're home now, and that's what matters. Let's enjoy it."
Until I see him again
I'm staying, believing
that it won't be deceiving
when he's gonna come round
I may seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I'm just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I'm watching
you go are tearing me apart.
The angels said I'd smile today.
I listen to the familiar sounds of rustling clothing. You don't realize I'm awake, and take extra care not to make a lot of noise. But I was awake the moment you got up out of bed. I keep my eyes shut tight as you lean over to kiss me softly, your bristly beard tickling my cheek. The door shuts quitely, a ritual completed. The sound of footsteps going down stairs and the revving of a bus engine makes the nightmare reality.
A single tear rolls down my cheek.
Well who needs angels anyway?