I can't always just forget her but she could try...
What the fuck? First Alison, then the guy at the bridal flowers shop yelling at me for fuck knows, so I stomped the lilies by accident, boo-fucking-hoo and now billy? They fucking ganged up on my ass or what?
"But I'm sick", I pretended to cough.
I fucking resolved to old school methods, spraying myself with water like I was sweating and jumping up and down to get that red skin tone and heat, it made me hate myself even more, what the fucking fuck?
Was I or was I not a mature young adult? wasn't I supposed to be able to tell my own fucking friends I didn't wanna meet no fucker? That I was not over my Gerard? To tell them to leave me the fuck alone? I just had to go and act like a teenager. A stupid teenager too.
"Get the fuck up!", he practically yelled.
"Fine! Just shut up, my head is killing me", I coughed one last time and sat up.
He threw his hands in the air and banged the door on his way out.
I flipped him off, without him seeing it off course cause god forbid he sees and gets upset with me.
Gah since when I became such a spineless fucker? I was never afraid to tell Mikey what I felt...Hmm and that's about it, I only ranted to him or Frankie and that's how I dealt with shit by not handling it.
I was pissed with Gerard, did I tell him that? No! I went to Mikey, Mikey told poor Gerard, Gerard went to Bob who told it to Ray who confessed to Frankie who told me.
Then Mikey and Frankie arranged for us to meet, Gerard told me how much he loved me, I played hard to get, he kissed me and done! We're skipping into the fucking sunset!
How dysfunctional is that? No wonder everything fell apart so ugly, but I guess it's too late to mull over it now, Gerard moved on, I should too.
I'm gonna have fun tonight!
Fuck I couldn't look myself in the mirror, I was sick of myself, but I guess I can be sick of seeing my face cause it's my fucking face.
The phone rang just as I was applying my eyeliner causing my hand to slip, "Fuck!"
"That's the new hello?", I heard Frankie say.
My heart fluttered, he didn't call for over a week, "Sunshine!"
"How are you doing, sugar?", I heard voices in the background and strained to listen in hope that just for a tiny second I can hear Gerard's voice, I figured out Billy's password and unblocked the Internet so like the pathetic idiot I was, I was watching Gerard's interviews late at night when I was sure Billy fell asleep. Stupid press didn't ask him about his fucking marriages.
I don't know why I was so scared of Billy but I was. His eyes were so evil when I mentioned Gerard or any of the guys, his whole face was a composition of pure hatred, it's gotten to the point I couldn't talk to him about them, he'd get so mad and throw shit.
"I have a date sunshine!"
Oh fuck that didn't come out right, Frankie fell silent and I could hear just the blurred voices, "I mean not a date date, I'm just going out with friends"
'Hmm' was Frankie's response.
I bit my lip....what's now, "How's Janet?", small talk...Good.
"Skyler!", Billy pounded on the door.
"Coming", I snapped, covering the phone with my hand.
"5 minutes", he yelled and kicked the door one more time before walking away.
"Fucker", I muttered.
"Nothing sunshine, I got to go. Talk to you later"
"Tell me about that date later?"
"It's not a date, just a gathering", I tried to apply my eyeliner and hold the phone between my shoulder and head.
"Who will be there then?", Frankie tried to sound casual but I could see him frowning in my mind.
"Just my friends", I shrugged and dropped the eyeliner.
I smiled at his attempt to hide his bossiness with a by the way kind of tone.
"What's next? You're gonna lay a curfew on me?", I chuckled, crawling under the table for the eyeliner.
"If it's just a friends gathering why can't I know who they are?"
I rolled my eyes, "Cause you already know my friends"
"Don't roll your eyes at me, Skyler"
I gasped, how could he know? Is there a hidden camera somewhere? I wouldn't be surprised, I glanced around expecting to see a filming crew, I tried to roll my eyes again to see if Frankie calls me out on it again but he didn't, he was laughing, "You were rolling your eyes, weren't you?".
I pouted, "No"
"And now you're pouting cause I got it right", he was laughing hysterically now.
I couldn't see the funny side, it was creepy more then anything.
"Skyler!", Billy was back, pounding.
"Fuck off!", I yelled back, "I'm coming"
I heard some muttering but he didn't pressed it.
"Umm", I came up from under the table, "He's waiting for me"
"Who? Your date?", he kinda growled.
"One of them"
"Skyler!", he exclaimed, "What the fuck are you doing there?"
"I told you I'm going out with friends"
"Who?!", he shrieked.
"Well you beat up two of them", I grimaced when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I stuck out my tongue and the reflection stuck it's tongue out too, I flipped her off and she flipped me back.
"Skyler, one word and I'll do it all over again"
"Sunshine, relax, Ryan and Amy and James and Ali will be there too"
"Ryan? Who the fuck is Ryan?"
"Jame's friend", I muttered.
frankie murmured something about fucking and killing I couldn't hear.
"Bye", I hung up really quickly cause I didn't want Frankie to press the matter any longer just in case Billy's head explodes.
We were waiting for Amy, James and Ryan down at the food court and decided to order food cause Amy, James and Ryan were running late cause of traffic, I was given the evil eye by Alison because I ordered a chilly hot dog with onions and a slice of pizza with garlic, "You do it just to freak Ryan out, don't you"
"I never tried pizza with garlic, I'm curios", I didn't look at her, I knew that if I lift my eyes from the jokes on the kiddie menu, I would smirk and would be exposed and she'll know that I really did it to spook Ryan away. In case he thinks it's a date, I'll just breath on him with my deadly scent.
"Why don't you give him a chance, he might be a great guy", Alison moaned.
"I'm just experimenting", I shrugged, looking for more smelly foods but finding none. Damn these fucking restaurant with their stupid good smelling kiddie menus.
James, Amy and Ryan finally made their appearance, I swallowed down my garlicky pizza and smiled at them, scanning Ryan with my eyes.
He was quite handsome with his all American boy charm, he was blond, blue eyed and had a perfect smile. I mentally gagged.
"I'm Skyler", I shook his hand last.
The rest held their breathe, waiting for me to jump him I guess.
He sat next to me, on Amy's orders probably, "You have a unique name, Skyler".
"Thanks", I leaned back.
So far so good, he doesn't have to smell my breathe. Yet.
"Why did your parents name you that?", he smiled his pearl white toothy smile.
"Cause of my eyes", I said, chewing on my straw.
He stared a while into my eyes, I stared back, unimpressed.
An expression of utter confusion spread over his features, I cocked my eyebrows. God I've got a stupid one, "Cause of my eyes", I leaned forward to let him look closer in case he's colors blind as well as stupid.
He squinted, he looked at me still not getting it.
"You know...Sky and shit?", I decided he might as well smell my breathe, he was probably stupid enough to think it was him. I giggled mentally.
He blinked a few times.
I rolled my eyes, receiving a kick from Ali, "Blue sky blue eyes?"
"Ohhh", the realization finally hit him, I wish it was me who hit him though, 5 minutes into the evening and he already annoyed me, "Why did your parents call you Ryan?"
"They thought it was pretty", he shrugged.
"And shiny too?", I giggled, recieving anther kick but this time from a different area of the table.
Ryan smiled dumbly. I definitely got the stupid one.
For the rest of the evening I was stuck with dump and dumbest, the rest of the group thought it was wise to avoid me when Ryan thought sticking to me like a gum to a shoe will give us the opportunity to get to know each other better, I was not pleased, not one bit.
It's not that he proved himself to be a jerk or an idiot, to any other girl he would appear as a nice, polite guy but I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to talk to him about politics which he found a fascinating subject, I didn't want to know what his favorite books are, I didn't want to know where he went to school and I didn't care about his hobbies and I certainly didn't appreciate him telling me about it with quiet whispers in my ear during the motherfucking movie!
I was so pissed by the time we returned to the food court for drinks and refreshment, all I managed to do was clench my teeth for a yes, shake my head for for a no and shrug for maybe.
Ryan lost his interest in me after a while and I was happily slurping my coke beside him while he was chatting to Haley.
Suddenly the soft music in the background turned into the boys's 'the ghost of you', my heart squealed to the sound of Gerard's voice screaming his little black heart, I relaxed in my chair, resisting to the temptation to close my eyes and purr in pleasure.
"Not these emo fags again", Ryan leaned back in is chair and crossed his arms on his chest in annoyance.
I looked around for the emo fags he was talking about but when I found none that fitted the description and judging by the grave silence around the table I realised he was talking about my boys, The table was so quiet you could hear the bubbles pop in my coke, "Oh you don't like my chemical romance?"
"He didn't say that", Amy chipped in.
"Oh yeah, I'm so sick of these fairies! Why can't I scream my lungs out and be called a musician too", Ryan said lightly, unaware of the tension he caused around the tables and the boiling my blood was doing.
"What makes you less of a fairy?", I snapped.
"I didn't realize you liked them", he had an apologizing note in his voice but the look in his eye told me otherwise, it was condescending, like he's so much better, "Who died and gave you the right to call anyone an emo?"
"I was just stating a fact".
"Can I state a fact?", my mouth was ahead of my head and maybe if I took the time to think before I stated my facts, I would've held them back but my tongue unleashed these words and there was no way back, not that I wanted to go back, I meant exactly what I said, "I think you suck! And that if anyone is a fairy it's you, and you're not even a masculine fairy! You have no fucking self esteem because you're so low you think labeling someone with a stupid labels as though they were boxes and not people is lame because they do have feelings! And they're better then you will ever be in your wildest dreams! And it's because people like you the world is in fucking war, because of liars who thinks they're perfect! Well you're not! You suck! And you're boring and I don't like you!"
Haley and James gawped at me with their mouths slightly opened and Haley froze with her french fried in mid air, Cole smirked at his knees, I don't think he liked Ryan that much, Alison banged her head on the table.
"I want pie", Amy exclaimed, "Anyone else wants pie cause I can sure use a pie"
no one answered.
I stood up sharply, as far as I was concerned this gathering was over, I stretched my hand out for the keys, Billy shook his head.
"Give me the fucking keys", I hissed.
"Can I have a word with you first?", he frowned at me.
"No I just want my fucking keys", I flapped my outstretched palm in the air.
"Skyler", he used that warning tone.
"Fine! Forget it!", I stomped out of the food court with my head held high and a bounciness in my step.
I was proud of myself for finally speaking up my mind and it wasn't half bad. It was really good actually!
I shocked people which I love doing, burst a few bubbles of Skyler loves Ryan forever and finally stood up for something I believe in.
Billy caught up with me in the parking lot, commending me to stop, "What the fuck you think you're doing?"
"Whatever the fuck I want to", I abused my new found freedom of speech.
We stood a few feet form each other, studying each other like gunmen in these old westerns.
"You're being a fool", he snarled at me.
"So be it, you can't tell me what to do", I stated.
"Ryan is a good guy", he exhaled angrily.
"Then you can have him", I smirked.
"Gonna run to that motherfucker again?", he clenched his hands into fists.
"If I feel like it", I narrowed my eyes.
"I ain't giving you your keys", he screamed.
"You can keep them and have my phone too", I smashed the phone in my hands at his feet, bits and pieces of it flew to random locations, "Screen my fucking call all you like", I swung on my heels and left the parking lot...
To find myself on an old football near the Way's house back in Jersey, how I got there and why didn't quite register in my mind, I distinctly remembered buying a train ticket and staring out of the window and telling what the time to some woman but eventually I found myself sitting on the bleachers staring at the the spot where I once found Gerard sleeping.
We had a big fight and he went out drinking as usual and Mikey came over looking for him in my house, we found him curled up in a ball, sleeping in the middle of the field.
I heard something moving behind me and cursed myself before turning around to face whatever made the noise, how smart am I to come to Jersey at night and hang in some god forsaken football field, I turned around slowly, petrified of what I might find behind me....