You get a bit of Frerard action in this chapter. Oooh, caught your eye?SS # 10: Frank explains. Gerard has fantasies. Frank faces facts.
“Let me just say that all the relationships I’ve ever been in have been totally unsuccessful. The worst one was during high school, my senior year. I was dating this really nice girl. Well, I thought she was nice, at least. It turned out she was cheating on me, with some guy she thought was way hotter. That just killed me. I couldn’t face it. I loved her so much and she...she didn’t even care! I started drinking. Excessively. I wanted to die, but I knew it wasn’t gonna happen unless I made it happen. So there I sat, at a bar, with a fake ID, ordering like....fifteen bottles of vodka. It would kill me, but that’s what I wanted. Then, I saw Wilona. She was sitting a few seats away, and damn it, Gee, she looked beautiful. I was drunk so I just went over and talked to her. I really don’t know what happened after that, it all just...fell into place. She really helped me get through it without y’know, committing suicide. I would have done it, seriously, if it hadn’t been for her. I was just...broken...I wasn’t sure, though, when we started dating. I know this sounds cheesy, but I think you get by now that I am cheesy. I’d been hurt so many times before, I didn’t want another huge mistake. But Wil...Wilona said...she promised me that she’d never ever hurt me like that. How can I not believe her, Gerard? She saved my fucking life! I can’t doubt her...I just...” Frank looked at Gerard helplessly and lowered his voice to a whisper once more, “Gee, tell me the truth.”
Gerard had been in a deathlike silence during Frank’s whole story. He didn’t want this opportunity to talk; he wanted to clear up his emotions. He felt such love for the sweet, sensitive boy. He hated hearing how gullible Frank could be. He also felt pity, in minor amounts. It was all just so unfair. Why did such a nice guy have go through a fiery pit of scorching lies? Yet, the strongest feeling inside of him was jealousy. He had officially hated Wilona since a while ago, but this was different. He felt extreme rage towards every last girlfriend that Frank had in his lifetime. He was celebrating on the inside that Frank was not with any of them any longer. It was a terrible, terrible thought but he was thinking it. He thought it and he meant it.
The lust of his love was taking over. He wanted to just grab Frank and kiss him on the lips with as much force as possible. And oh yes, he wanted to proceed. He wanted to rip off Frank’s clothes and throw them to the corner of the room, where they’d be too far to reach. His eyes shut slowly as he licked his lips. He didn’t care if it would be considered rape to pin Frank down to the bed against his will. Fuck, he wanted it, needed it right that instant. No, no, no. He stared blankly at the wall and brought around his arms to hug himself. As his pale arms squeezed his bare chest, he pretended that it was Frank doing this. The happiness died after a few seconds, when he knew it couldn’t be Frank. His fantasy was back, with him laying on top of the other boy and kissing him tenderly. His hands would sneak downwards, all the way, and touch Frank. Soft and gentle, that was how he wanted it to be. Of course, he wanted Frank to do something back. He imagined the feeling of Frank’s fingers against his skin. He could almost feel the impact of Frank’s soft lips against his skin. It gave him pleasant tingles. But it was so wrong! He buried his head into his knees and let out a small whimper. His insides were being eaten away. It was as if those teenage hormones, that should have calmed down quite a long while ago, were back; swirling and creating awkward feelings within him. He knew he had to handle the situation before something extremely embarrassing occurred. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to look at Frank and grant his request, tell him the truth. Not the facts about Wilona, but the facts about Gerard himself.
Frank hated watching what was happening to Gerard. He was not quite sure of why the boy’s face was contorting, but it somehow hurt him to see it. He stared at Gerard’s pale exposed skin, and his head buried between his legs. The boy was not as small as Frank, but he looked so fragile, like he could break with the slightest touch. But Frank wanted to touch him. He nearly screamed out loud as he thought this. What was happening? It wasn’t right to feel like that about someone who was his friend. If it was a friend who was a girl, he would have understood his emotions. Gerard, though...Gerard was a guy... but such a hot guy. Frank felt suddenly guilty. What would Wilona think if she ever found out about his thoughts? He remembered what Gerard had said about her cheating on him. Would she even care? Would she feel as depressed as Frank would if he found out she loved someone else? He decided that she would. She had to. It was the only thing stopping him from reaching forward to Gerard.
Gerard’s face turned over to face Frank again. The boy was sitting on his hand and chewing on his lip. Gerard internally strangled himself as he stared. He was losing it.
Upon feeling this gaze, Frank stifled a moany noise that he felt like producing. It was with firmly squeezed eyelids that he decided to just do something. He rocked to his knees and leaned forward. His arms encircled Gerard and squeezed.
Gerard got rid of the little space between them by dragging him closer. He knew Frank must have meant this to be just a friendly sort of hug, but fuck it! This gesture just made all that longing inside him explode. He didn’t care the slightest bit if Frank minded. He straightened his legs and fell backwards onto the bed, sliding Frank on top of him. He could feel the other boy’s nervous breath against his neck. In order to calm him down, Gerard slid his hand beneath his shirt. Frank’s body burning against his constantly cold palms. Gerard let his hands soak in warmth before moving his hand upwards.
Frank’s breath hitched. His friend’s freezing skin sent chills all throughout his body. An unhealthily pale hand was against his chest, as if feeling his heartbeat. Boy, it felt so good. Frank wanted more, so much more. But he shouldn’t. He had a fixed set of morals to worry about. The main one on that list was: never cheat on your girlfriend with an admittedly beautiful member of the same sex. He rolled off of Gerard, and rested by his side. Gerard’s hand slowly crawled out from underneath his shirt.
“Gee,” he said again in his soft tone, “Tell me. Please. You don’t know how much it hurts when you tell me that she’s with someone else. Don’t lie to me about this one thing, I’m begging. I trust you Gerard, just tell me. Is she cheating on me?”
It was still Wilona concerning Frank; not the fact that his alleged best friend had practically convinced his love. Gerard sighed. That just proved how whipped Frank was. Well...he should have known. He wasn’t sure how to answer Frank’s question, though. He knew that a “yes” would shatter Frank’s heart. He wouldn’t be able to take the pain, he had said so himself. But a “no”...a no would be completely defying his wishes
“Frank, will you cry if I say yes?” he inquired quietly.
Frank bit down on his lip. He had to be strong, “No. I won’t.”
Gerard took a deep breath, “She is.”
Frank closed his eyes. Those two simple words were more like knives being drilled through his chest in slow motion. His chin trembled, but he didn’t cry. He refused to. A part of him wondered whether Gerard was lying. It was apparent that the other boy liked him. Would he have lied just to take Wilona out of the picture? Frank opened his ready-to-water eyes and stared at the boy lying in front of him. The scars Frank had left jumped out at him. Frank didn’t think Gerard would lie like this after what he had done. Nobody could like him that much. Anyway, Gerard’s hazel eyes were holding a huge banner that yelled, “Honest!” He was telling the truth, Frank knew it intuitively. That was not exactly a good thing. It meant that yet another one of his relationships had gone like piss down the love drain.
“I know there’s something incredibly unattractive about me....but am I that ugly?” he choked out the question, while burying his head into a pillow.
Gerard sighed and flung his arms around the boy once more, “No, Frank, you’re not. Don’t ever think like that. You’re amazingly attractive. Hot enough to be a male model, remember? You're perfect.”
Frank laughed slightly. He turned his body back towards Gerard. His mouth stretched into a forced smile. He moved himself close and rested his head between the soft pillow and Gerard’s head.
“Can I cry, Gee?”
Those words were heartbreaking to the cartoonist. He pulled the covers over the two of them. He made sure that Frank was in a comfortable position, snuggled in his arms. He held the other male tightly. In the corner of his mind, he was plotting revenge against Wilona Cranford for making this happen.
“Go ahead,” he whispered, “Cry, Frank.”
Damn it, thanks for all the reviews for chapter 9. You have no clue how good it felt to read 'em. There's more to this story, just you wait.