Joel Combs is the football captain loved by everyone. Well, almost everyone. How will he react when he finds that Benji Madden cannot stand even his presence? AU/BDSM/Twincest
Fiction Title: Wicked Tickles
Chapter Title: 12 I Didn't Care That You Left and Abandoned Me
Rating: PG-13/NC-17 in later chapters
Genre: AU, BDSM, Twincest
Warnings: Language, Violence, Sexual Reference
Summary: Joel Combs is the football captain loved by everyone. Well, almost everyone. How will he react when he finds that Benji Madden cannot stand even his presence? AU/BDSM/Twincest
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything except the plot. The title 'Wicked Tickles' came from the site Wicked Tickles.
I passed Benji nearly every day in school and he never even gave me a second glance. I couldn't understand why I didn't see it before. I didn't know why I let myself get so far away and blind that I couldn't see he was using me. /Because he's a good actor; good at hiding things/. He was thankful that I helped him with his family though...that had to count for something. Was it bad that even now I still had this feeling that I loved him? I'm not completely sure that's what it is; it could just be a strong infatuation. What hurt me more, was that I would still do anything for him. I greeted all my usual friends until a thought hit me. I turned around started heading out to the back of the school where all the gothic type kids hung out. This was one of the perks of being an amiable guy; you had friends that had different areas of expertise. As I drew closer, I zeroed in on the girl I was looking for: Alicia Horner. She was easy to differentiate from the others due to her small five-three height. "Joel! I haven't seen you around lately!" she greeted warmly. I smiled and hugged her.
"Yeah, sorry about that. Shit's been...crazy." I replied.
"No problem. I know that I'm still your number one." I laughed. A sweet girl with a startling exterior.
"So what brings you to my side of the school?"
"You're a poet, right?" She nodded. "So you write about love, right?"
"But you still know about it, right?"
"I know a bit. Where are you going with this, Joel?" I paused and took a deep breath.
"I think I love someone."
"Well Joel! I knew I was your number one, but you could have been more subtle about it!"
"Damn! You pegged me! No...seriously though, I think I love someone."
"Love or in love? There's a small difference."
"In love." She chuckled.
"You poor child. Love like that should be considered a plague."
"The person you love consumes your mind as if they've possessed you. You adore every aspect of them - even their faults - unconditionally. People say that love is beautiful, wonderful and the best feeling of euphoria; but when the person you love doesn't love you back or breaks your heart...that's when you feel like you're dying. It feels like they ripped you apart, leaving you exposed and bleeding to the world, and they couldn't care less. You feel like you can't breathe and you wish someone would just come and end it for you because you don't have the strength to do it yourself. It's amazing that something that seems so sweet could have a vicious core." she said.
"About explaining it or what?"
"Everything you just explained, I've felt. I wasn't sure what it was exactly, so I decided to ask someone that knew." She gave me a sympathetic smile.
"Don't get too down, Joel. Things will get better in time."
"I hope so."
"If you ever want to talk about it..." I nodded.
After school, sitting around doing nothing left me to think too much, so I put on my letter jacket and headed outside for a walk. I found myself outside Benji's house and shook my head as I turned around. I shouldn't be here. Before I could get far enough away, I heard a laughing come from behind me. Turning around, I saw Benji and his new unsuspecting victim. He caught sight of me and told his whore to go to his window and wait for him. I couldn't believe that I had fallen into the trap of being his whore just a day earlier. "Hey Joely! I was wondering when you were going to talk to me!" I nodded towards the kid.
"Is he your newest?" I asked. Benji looked back at him and laughed.
"Yeah. Clueless as fuck that one." I looked down.
"Is that how you felt about me?" I asked quietly.
"No. See, you were smart. This kid...he's just dumb as hell."
"Are you close to him." Benji laughed again.
"No! You were the only one that told me that you loved me, and I knew that before shit started getting attached, I had to leave."
"Why do you do it like that?" There was a silence.
"Now's not the time to talk about it."
"I think now is the perfect time to talk about it. Your new fuck buddy can wait a few more minutes. Tell him I'm trying to sell you drugs or something. You're good with lies." He nodded.
"Can you just give the lying thing a break and tell me why you do what you do?"
"Because that's who I be, dawg!" he replied, giving me a ghetto hand gesture.
"Benj. Seriously. Why?"
"You remember when you were asking me all those questions about my sexuality and when I first starting dating guys?" He nodded. "You remember when I told you that when I was thirteen, I was dating guys older than me?" I nodded again. He looked away and then back at me. "Now's not a good time to get into this."
"Come by tonight and I'll talk to you then. I'll spend the night at your house and we'll talk."
"What the fuck makes you think I want you in my house?" I sneered. He kept his face straight without the slightest hint of sarcasm or anything.
"Because you want to know what happened and I'm honestly going to tell you. I know you don't trust me, but I can honestly tell you that I've never told anyone else this in my whole life...ever. It's not going to be easy, so I'm asking you now for your patience. Listen, I've got to go before Mark gets too anxious." I shook my head.
"You're disgusting, you know that?" He stopped and stared at me with somewhat wide eyes. He looked as if he was just frozen and a slight anger played in his eyes. For a split second I thought he was going to deck me, but instead he just walked away. "Benj! Come here." He looked back at me and reluctantly came back. "Please don't fuck him...that's all I ask." With out a word, he walked away again.
I turned off the engine to my Mustang and got out, locking it behind me. Stopping, I asked myself if I really wanted to do this. I looked back at my car and then the street that would take me to Benji's house. "Fuck this." I said, going back to my car. I could get over him if I tried hard enough.
"I knew you'd do that." I heard someone say from behind me. I spun around, but no one was there.
"What the hell?"
"Coming down." That same voice said as the body to it dropped from a tree that was right in front of me.
"Jesus Christ, Benji!"
"We'd better get going."
"What the hell are you doing out here?"
"I knew you'd second guess this whole thing and go home, so I came out here and waited for you to show." he replied.
"Go home, Benji. This was a mistake...I don't want to know this badly."
"Shut the fuck up and get in the god damn car."
"No." I headed back to my car. "Just go home." The next thing I knew, my keys were being snatched from me and Benji was heading over to the driver side door. "Benji! You're not going to drive my car!" He already had the door open and pointed to the passenger side.
"Either you get in, or I'm going to take your precious piece of metal for a disastrous joyride." he threatened. I glared at him, but got in all the same.
"Do you even know how to drive?" I asked as I fastened my seat belt. He turned on the car and put it into gear.
"No." he answered with a grin.
"Relax, man. I know how to fucking drive." He let off the clutch and instead of going forward, we went in reverse and nearly hit the car behind us. "Whoops!" he said as he put it into first.
"DUDE! Calm down! I was just playing. I knew I put it in reverse."
"Break my car and I'll break you." He laughed at my threat and zoomed off towards my house.
"I've always wanted to drive one of these things." It turned out that Benji wasn't that bad of a driver. He just had a thing for speeding. We were on the street to my house when he looked at me with a mischievous smile. "Hey Joel...do you think I'd be able to pull off an E-brake turn into a parallel park?"
"Please don't." Ignoring me, he pressed his foot down a little more on the gas. Going eighty down a small street was not good.
"Is this your house?" he asked as we were nearing it.
"You know it is, Benji. Stop playing and slow down."
"Is this your house?!"
"Slow down, Benji."
"IS THIS YOUR HOUSE?!" he shouted.
"YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SLOW. DOWN!!" He pulled out the emergency brake, jerked the steering wheel all the way to the left and all I could do was hold on to the 'oh shit!' bars on the roof as my car did a one-eighty spin and stopped perfectly next to the curb.
"WHOO!" he yelled happily. We were both panting from the extreme adrenaline pumping through us. I reached over, turned off the car and took my keys.
"Never. Again." I said. He smiled.
"Relax, Joely. I did that thousands of times with the old piece of shit car I used to have a few years ago."
"Would you mind if I asked where that car was now?"
"Why?" He looked up at the ceiling as if trying to remember.
"Well...first of all, I had been drinking and I had a lot that night, so I was pretty shit-faced. Then I was doing donuts in a parking lot where some cops saw me...so I ran from them...and they followed me to my friend's house where I tried doing a parking job like this, except the whole car flipped...and it was totaled." I just stared at him when my jaw dropped. He could have flipped my car and killed us both and he didn't give a fuck. "So...they took my car, impounded it, and that was the last I saw of it. What?" I got out of my car after locking it and walked to my house.
"Go home, Benji."
"Joel! Relax alright? I'm just making all these jokes because I'm a little nervous here."
"So that whole story was a joke?" He paused and looked at the ground.
"No. But that's not the point!"
"Benji...get a fucking grip on yourself."
"You don't know how hard this is, Joel." I looked at him and sighed, stepping out of the way for him to come into my house. He led the way up to my room and sat down on my bed as I took the chair to my computer.
"So talk." I said.
"Jesus Christ, Joel...we can't just ease into it?"
"How do you propose we do that?" He sighed.
"Good point. Alright...so you remember how you were asking me all those questions and what not a while ago and I told you I used to date older guys." I nodded.
"That's about where we left off." He was silent for a while.
"When I was thirteen...I went with this one kid. He was seventeen and just...a total control freak. He got off on kids younger than him that were total assholes and that was me in a neat little package. We started dating I guess you could call it. One day, he invited me over to his house to hang out, so me being the idiot I was - thinking it'd be just watching movies or something - agreed to go." I shifted my weight in my chair but never broke my gaze. He looked like he was struggling with memories and trying to put them into words. "He um...shit." He buried his head in his hands and sat like that for a minute or two. I didn't bother to urge him on with words because he knew I was waiting to hear his excuse. "He told me that he had something to show me in his room," he continued, voice quieter than before. "so I went in there with him. Can you see where I'm going with this?" he asked.
"You lost your virginity when you were thirteen?" I asked.
"Yes." I continued to stare.
"That doesn't explain anything."
"You don't get it."
"You had sex with the kid. So what does that have to do with now?"
"No. Joel." he said in a somewhat aggravated tone. "He raped me, Joel." My eyes went wide.
"I'm not going to repeat it. It was hard enough to say it there."
"I didn't know what he was doing was rape. In fact, I didn't know what the fuck he was doing at all. I was so god damn confused, but I knew it wasn't anything good. So afterwards, he kicked me out to let me find my own way home. I didn't tell anyone where I was or what I had done. I didn't know. I was just a kid. He stopped talking to me after that because he only liked having virgins; something about him getting off on their confusion and pain. I don't know. After that, I just got involved in the wrong crowd. I kept getting with guys that would fuck me and ditch me. It was all I knew. So it's all I know now. I don't want to fuck things up with you, so I left."
"I can take care of you...teach you a new way to live." I said. He just laughed.
"No you couldn't. I'm a user. That's it; cut and dry. Get used to it, Joel. I don't love you. I never liked you."
"Do you really mean that or are you just telling me that?"
"I have no idea."
"How can you have no idea?" He shrugged.
"How can you have a dream about someone that you feel you're so familiar with, but can't see their face and don't know what they look like? No one knows. You just go with it."
"I'm not going to pity you."
"The most I ask of you Joel, is to not tell anyone else. I know I'm a liar, I know you don't take my word as nothing but shit, but I can tell you right now that what I just told you was straight up honesty." I nodded.
"I won't tell a soul."
"Thanks." I shrugged.
"I just want you gone by tomorrow morning. Now get off my bed so I can sleep." He leaned forward, caught me by the neck and pulled me into a kiss.
"I want you to know how much I thank you." he whispered huskily into my ear.
"These thank yous don't mean shit to me." He let go of me and nodded.
"Night, Joel." I reached over and turned off the light, just wanting to get to bed so I could wake up the next morning and find him gone. I felt bad for him because of what happened, but he didn't have to go and treat everyone else he knew like garbage; especially the ones that cared about him.