It's the first annual Senshi Soccer Game, with PallaPalla as the commentator and... and... okay, this one is just silly.
*THE FIRST ANNUAL
Based on "Sailormoon" by Naoko Takeuchi
This is Sailorpallas, also known as PallaPalla, reporting to you from Crystal Tokyo Stadium, and we are all ready for the first annual Senshi Soccer game! The weather is lovely today, and the match is between the Outer Senshi and the Inner Senshi!
And here come the Inner Senshi, led by their team captain and goalie, Sailormoon! The audience cheer loudly, and the weather is lovely today, and the team Sailormoon has brought with her consists of Sailormars, Sailormercury, Sailorjupiter and the most popular player on the stadium, Sailorvenus! Sailorvenus is blowing kisses to the audience, who are cheering even more wildly! Sailorvenus is very popular here today!
Here come the Outer Senshi too, and it is team captain and goalie Sailorpluto that leads her players, namely Sailorneptune, Sailoruranus, Sailorsaturn and... wait, who is the last player? It is Princess Usage, oops, PallaPalla means that it is Sailorchibimoon! PallaPalla doesn't think she needs to tell you what a big surprise it is to see a player like Chibimoon on a team like the Outers, and the audience are loudly voicing their surprise along with PallaPalla!
The weather is lovely today, and we are broadcasting the first annual Senshi soccer game! The referee is the honorable Tuxedo Kamen, and the match is about to start!
Kickoff! Mars passes the ball to Jupiter, who passes it to Venus, and here comes Uranus at top speed and lounges at the ball! She kicks it, ladies and gentlemen, she kicks it hard, in the direction of the Inner's goal!
The crowd goes wild! What a spectacular save by Moon! PallaPalla has never seen anyone catch a ball so perfectly with their face! But Moon had better get up soon, ladies and gentlemen, or -- wait, here comes Uranus again and kicks the ball straight into the Inners' goal while Moon is lying on her back! GOAL!
It's 1-0 to the Outers, and the weather is lovely today!
Here comes the kickoff! Mars is angry, ladies and gentlemen, and she passes the ball to Venus! Venus is very popular here today! Venus runs with the ball, running around Neptune and Chibimoon! Chibimoon tries to get the ball from Venus, but -- no! Chibimoon misjudges and collides with Saturn, and they both fall down! The weather is lovely today! Venus passes the ball, she kicks it, Venus is very popular here today, and Jupiter heads the ball over to Mercury! Mercury trips over the ball, and the book she has been holding in her hands goes flying!
Tuxedo Kamen, the referee, is saying that it's against the rules for the players to read books while the match is in session! Mercury points out that the book she was reading was a rulebook, and she was just looking up rules on catching the ball with your face!
Wait! Saturn has gotten to her feet, and she kicks the ball while Mercury and Tuxedo Kamen are arguing! The weather's lovely today! GOAL!
It's 2-0 to the Outers! Tuxedo Kamen says that the goal doesn't count, since it was happening while the referee was busy! He is not popular here today!
It's still 1-0 to the outers, and Moon is about to throw the ball out to Mars! Moon spins around! Moon accidentally kicks the ball the wrong way! GOAL!
It's 2-0 to the Outers again! Mars is furious, and she is starting to argue with Moon! They're yelling at each other!
Jupiter takes the kickoff! The ball goes flying across the field! Flying... Flying... Here comes Venus! No, here comes Neptune! And Uranus! And Chibimoon! Who will get to the ball first? The weather is lovely today!
Neptune and Uranus collide and fall down! Wait, they are staying down... they are kissing, ladies and gentlemen! The crowd is going wild! Half the audience is yelling for them to stop and the other half is yelling for them to go on!
Chibimoon has taken the ball from Venus, and kicks her in the shin!! Venus is is hopping on one leg! On one leg, no, wait, she's running at top speed again, she's just laughing at it! Venus is very popular here today!
Venus reaches the Outers' goal, and the goal, the goal is empty! Where is Pluto? Where is Pluto?! Chibimoon tries to rush over to the goal to defend it, but it's too late! Venus shoots -- the weather is lovely here today -- she scores! Venus is very, very popular here today! GOAL!
It's 2-1 to the Outers! PallaPalla means, to the Inners! Mars and Moon are still arguing! Uranus and Neptune are still kissing! Pluto is still gone! And here comes the kickoff, and Chibimoon passes the ball to Saturn, but what's this? Saturn is suddenly two feet tall and extremely, uh, talented! She has hit a growth spurt again, ladies and gentlemen, and she's running across the field in big strides, easy as anything! We are broadcasting the first annual Senshi soccer game! Saturn bowls over Jupiter, and Venus, and the crowd goes wild!
The honorable referee, Tuxedo Kamen, is blowing his whistle and holding up a red card! No, wait, it's a red rose! He's not popular here today, ladies and gentlemen! Saturn ignores him and keeps on running, ladies and gentlemen, running straight off the field and continuing to run! She's vanishing in the horizon, running faster than I've ever seen anyone run before! Uranus and Neptune have stopped kissing and are yelling after her, asking where she's going! The weather's lovely today!
Chibimoon takes the advantage of everyone being distracted to grab the ball and shoots -- yes, she scores! GOAL! 3-1 to the Outers!
Mars has torn herself away from the argument with Moon and is running after Chibimoon, yelling angrily that she is cheating! Tuxedo Kamen says that the goal counts! Moon is starting to cry!
Mercury is arguing the referee's decision, ladies and gentlemen, all while Mars Venus and Jupiter run after Chibimoon, who is taunting them! And here, here comes Pluto! Pluto's back! But what is it that she has with her? Yes! It's a tiny baby... it's Saturn!! She must have changed ages again!! We're broadcasting the first annual Senshi soccer game! The weather's lovely today!
Venus has abandoned her hunt for Chibimoon and is instead chasing the ball while the others are cooing at the baby! She takes the ball, she shoots -- she scores! GOAL! And then she scores again! GOAL! And again! GOAL! The crowd is wild! Venus is so popular here today! She shoots again! GOAL!
It is 5 - 3 to the Inners now, and the honorable referee Tuxedo Kamen has noticed what Venus is doing and is holding up a red card, no sorry, red rose! But Venus scores again, and it's GOAL!! And 6 - 3 to the Inners!
Tuxedo Kamen is throwing the red rose at Venus! He's throwing more red roses! The field is turning completely red only with roses, ladies and gentlemen, and the weather is lovely today!
Chibimoon has started to pick the roses off the ground, she is making a lovely bouquet! Jupiter is picking roses as well and is making another bouquet! Moon has stopped crying, and she's started to pick roses too, and everybody's picking roses! It has turned into a rose-picking contest, ladies and gentlemen, and all the Senshi are picking, and Tuxedo Kamen is running around trying to get them to stop, saying that those roses are his only weapons!
There are only a few roses left on the field now, and Tuxedo Kamen is trying to pick some for himself, but the Senshi are faster! Now there's only seven roses left! Chibimoon has given her bouquet to baby Saturn! Five roses left! The weather is lovely today! Three roses left! Two roses left!! One! NO ROSES LEFT!
The match is over, ladies and gentlemen, and the Inner Senshi won with fifty-four roses to the Outers' thirty-two, and the referee is looking really angry, and the weather is absolutely lovely tod --!! ... wait, hold on, someone is coming...
...oh... hello, Princess Usagi. What PallaPalla is doing? PallaPalla is just playing radio reporter! PallaPalla has always wanted to be a sports reporter, and since we were being given this tour around the radio station, PallaPalla just couldn't resist the... No, no, PallaPalla isn't actually broadcasting this at all! Look, the light is red, that means it's not broadcast...
What do you mean, the red light means we are broadcasting?!
Ladies and gentlemen, PallaPalla apologizes for this... soccer game. Uh, PallaPalla will be back... sometime in the future.. when the Princess has finished beating her up for this.
Author's notes: Okay, I swear... one day I'm actually going to write at least a semi-serious Sailormoon fanfic. It just wasn't today.