'Gerard watches because he likes the way his heart breaks at what he sees.' Past Frank/Gerard pairing.
If the plot line seems familiar it's probably because I read another fic and it inspired me to write this. I sort of took the basic ideas from their fic and made my own fic from it. It made me feel all dirty but I liked the outcome so I thought I'd still post this.
Just to reiterate this IS my own work, I was just inspired by somebody elses.
My eyes hurt from crying and my chest hurts from breathing so hard. My legs hurt from running and my ears hurt from you screaming so loud. I’ll try and hold onto you if you give me the chance but darling baby please… when you push me away, the tides too fast and I can’t come back…
Looking at him now across the room Gerard thinks he misses him. Frank’s dancing and smiling and laughing and drinking and Gerard thinks he saw him do a joint. He’s happy, free and single. Gerard’s jealous. He never was good at being alone.
When Gerard left him, or Frank left Gerard, it was complicated wasn’t it? But when they broke up Gerard had had to go out and find his next ‘true love’ as soon as possible because he just couldn’t be alone. It wasn’t because he didn’t love Frank or because his love for her was so strong he simply couldn’t wait. He simply couldn’t stand the thought of not having someone to love, to call his own, someone to love him, someone to whom he belonged.
Frank’s dancing with a boy now. Not a boy, a man. He’s a bit taller than Frank, his hair is short by their standards and he has no visible piercings or tattoos. He’s wearing bootcut jeans and a shirt. Gerard can’t tell the colour of it because the flashing lights over head merge everything into a bleary brown and he doesn’t want to look too closely anyway. Frank presses his body close to this new man’s and the man moves around him as though Frank holds some gravitational pull on him. He can’t move away. Gerard can’t blame him, sighing, he mumbles to himself the lyrics from the song he used to sing to Frank in the name of making him blush, ‘You’re beautiful, in every /single way. /
A band outing to a club sounded like a good idea. Until you remember that two of the members had just parted from a year long relationship. ‘Just parted’ actually meant two months ago but it felt like yesterday when Gerard looked back on that day. That dreadful conversation full of accusations and tears until they both realised that they wanted the same thing. They just wanted to be happy. And that wasn’t going to happen when they were together in that sort of way. Now Frank’s dancing like he’s never danced before and Gerard’s sat there watching, alone, as everyone else enjoys themselves. He watches because Frank’s mesmerizing, because he wants to remember the way his body would move against his that way, because he likes the way his heart breaks as Frank grinds his hips again someone else’s who isn’t him. Because he knows he hurt Frank and he’s allowing him to extract his revenge.
Frank steals a look at Gerard who smiles then looks away, taking a sip of his drink he scans the club. He can’t see the other guys anywhere and he’s not sure he wants to join them anyway. He’s enjoying this silent solitude. Alone in a mass of strangers, removed from the growing and dimming lights and the pounding music.
A buzz in his pocket announces to him that he has a message. The screen is flashing her name and he checks one more time that Frank is safe on the dance floor before opening the message. Hey baby, He reads, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth at the use of his pet name. Hope you’re having a good time tonight. Give me a call if you want some company. I’m all alone… missing you already. I have a surprise for you when you get home… His pants threaten to tighten at the images that spring to mind at the last sentence, then his eyes steal another glance to the dance floor and all thoughts are blown from his mind.
Hips grinding, legs entangling, bodies moving, chest to chest, crotch to crotch, face to face, thigh to thigh they’re dancing. Looks of admiration passing their way from the people surrounding them. Gerard can almost see the sweat gathering on Frank’s forehead where he’s tucked his fringe behind an ear. He’s smiling and the other man is smiling and his hand reaches out and settles on his waist. Then their mouths meet and Gerard doesn’t know who initiates it but he can’t pull his eyes away. His stomach flips as he remembers how they would kiss that way, dance that way, move that way together in a much more private location as they shed clothes and made love on hotel beds and backstage couches.
The familiar tightening of his trousers follows and Gerard forces himself to think of his girlfriend at home, thinking about him and missing him and the feeling dies down again. He keeps his eyes fixed firmly away from the dance floor and returns to looking for his other band mates. He can see Ray faintly over the other side of the club ordering drinks at the bar. Bob is not far away from him talking to a girl who appears to be hanging on his every word. Without warning Mikey slips into the booth beside him, almost knocking him over.
“You look miserable tonight.”
“I’m not miserable, just bored.”
“Then come dance, socialise, have fun?” His younger brother suggests almost sarcastically, looking at his sibling from the corner of his eye.
“I’m ok here. I like watching. It’s less sweaty.” Mikey follows Gerard’s gaze to the couple who are still dancing together. Occasionally grinning at each other, hands wandering, lips meeting all of a sudden as their faces come together.
“He’s allowed to move on with his life Gerard. You did.” He points out, making Gerard tear his eyes away from Frank again.
“I know. This isn’t about him. I just like watching people dance and they’re dancing.” Gerard explains patiently although he has a feeling he’s not kidding either of them.
“Whatever. I’m going to get another drink. Cheer up yeah?”
Then he disappears again as quickly as he had appeared. Gerard watches his form get swallowed whole by the crowd and then looks back to the dance floor. He can’t find Frank anywhere. He searches wildly with his eyes, scanning the entire club below him for the couple until he finds them leaning as one against a wall. Frank’s back is pressed up hard against the wall and the other man’s mouth is assaulting his neck. Frank’s eyes are closed in pleasure as he reaches his hand up to guide the man’s mouth back up to his. They kiss, long and passionate. Gerard looks away feeling… nothing.
And Gerard realises then with a startling certainty why he felt so miserable. It wasn’t because he wanted Frank back, he wasn’t guilty or jealous. He felt bad because he didn’t feel anything, not a thing, he didn’t care. He simply didn’t love Frank anymore. He was ready to move on with the rest of his life, without him.